“I’ll change honey, I promise…”

There are certain interpersonal dilemmas which come up again and again in modern life.  It is very important for Kadampas to learn how to respond to these situations with wisdom.  I don’t pretend to know what is the best way to respond to these situations, but I figure it might be useful for me to share some of the dilemmas which I have observed and what lessons I have learned for how to respond to them.  If other people have other examples and lessons learned, I am sure we could all benefit from learning from one another.

One of the most common such dilemmas is the “I’ll change honey, I promise…” dynamic.  Very often people find themselves in abusive or dysfunctional relationships.  The dynamic is as follows:  one person consistently mistreats the other and the other just generally accepts and goes along with it because they do not want to lose the relationship with the abusive person because sometimes there are “good times” that they don’t want to lose.  The abused person eventually realizes that it is unhealthy and they have had enough, so they say, “I am leaving.”  The abusive person then starts acting all nice, offering flowers (metaphorically or literally), and tells the other person that they will change, they promise.  The abused person then “sees the good” in the abusive person and decides to take them back.  But as soon as they do, the abusive person then starts to (gradually or quickly) relapse back into thier old ways and becomes abusive again.  Then the cycle starts all over again. 

Clearly, it does not help people to allow them to abuse us.  They are engaging in negativity against us, and if we allow them to continue to do so, we are enabling them to create bad causes for themselves for the future.  Likewise, it is not good for us because like a drug addict it erodes our sense of self-worth as we become increasingly ready to sacrifice all that is healthy and good in our lives in a desperate attempt to hold on to what little good remains.  I have a cousin who was once in an abusive relationship, she told the guy “If you hit me one more time, I am leaving.”  He became nice again for awhile, but then hit her again.  Without saying a word, she packed her bags, grabbed her kid, and never looked back!  Not only is that the right thing to do, it also is a powerful lesson to her daughter that we do not allow people to do these things to us.  In contrast, I know many people who for years allow these things to drag on, to the detriment of all.  Of course, physical violence is an extreme case, but the same dynamic plays itself out in many lesser forms.

So does this mean we should just leave and show total non-cooperation with any and all dysfunction in our relationships?  Of course not.  If we did, we would very quickly find ourselves without any relationships at all since everybody in samsara, at one level or another, is under the influence of their ignorant delusions and so is necessarily acting in deluded and dysfunctional ways. 

The test I use is the following:  if the other person is genuinely aware of their problems, is actively trying to change themselves (on their own, not due to your outside pressure), and you are providing some sort of positive influence in their process of change, then it is perfectly appropriate to remain in a relationship and to support the other person in their path of personal change, even if that means sometimes having to serve as the object of their abuse and dysfunction.  But if the other person is oblivious to their problems and doing nothing to change (except in response to your threats to leave), then it is better to let the relationship go and move on.  Of course, you still should always love the person and pray for their well-being, but you can do so without having daily intereaction with them. 

Will this mean you lose the “good” that you sometimes get from the relationship?  Yes, it does, but only in the way that a drug addict has to give up the “good” that comes from drugs – the honey they lick off of a razor’s edge.  So yes, you will have to give up some good feelings or times, but what you gain is self-respect, self-confidence and freedom from the constant troubles inherent in a dysfunctional relationship. 

When the other person realizes that they have permanently lost you due to their abusive behavior, there is a chance that they will then genuinely change.  We should pray that they do, but even if they do, we should never take the person back because doing so will just reproduce the old pattern.  But sadly, more often than not, even our absence in their lives is not sufficient to change them because they are completely possessed by the demons of their own uncontrolled delusions.  Their not changing when we cut the relationship does not mean we made a mistake to do so – it was and still is the right decision both for them and for ourselves – but rather it is a commentary on how powerful delusions can be and therefore it serves as a powerful reminder of the need for us to not allow ourselves to remain under the influence of our own delusions and for us to never abandon our bodhichitta wish to become a Buddha so that we will be able to have the time, wisdom and skilfull means to gradually and eventually lead these people we love to freedom.

Qualities of a Kadampa in the workplace

The professional world is full of temptations to engage in negativities in order to professionally get ahead.  I would argue that as a long-term prospect even in professional terms, such actions are short-sighted and ultimately will fail even if they produce some short-term gains.  Karmically, if one succeeds in a professional environment, it has much more to do with whether they have previously created the karma for success than their current actions.  For example, somebody will become rich if they have given a lot in the past, not how hard they work today (though of course hard work is a circumstantial condition most of the time).  Somebody will become powerful if they have protected others in the past, not whether they are willing to assert themselves today. 

Further, if we engage in negativities today in the workplace, it actually increases the likelihood that good things will not happen for us even in the short run.  Why?  Because negative minds activate negative karma.  So if we are generating negative, selfish minds thinking this will get us ahead (the peak of delusion), then this will activate negative seeds on our mind which will bring about more misfortune and obstacle.  The only exception to this is when we are subject to massive spirit interference where malevolent spirits actually activate karmic seeds for ‘success’ in an effort to fool us into confusing cause and effect (namely negative actions bring about success).  This is quite similar to the mythical ‘deals with the devil.’  Even if they are not formal deals, karmically they are quite similar.

Finally, from simply the perspective of being happy while you work, engaging in negativities in the workplace is self-defeating.  Even if you ‘succeed’ more, you do so at the price of your own inner peace, so you are not able to actually enjoy your success.  Inner peace is an essential condition for being able to enjoy anything, and without it even if we become the richest and most powerful person in the world, we will not enjoy any of it.  So what is the point? 

Given all of the above, what then are the qualities of a Kadampa in the workplace?  First and foremost, we should be like my former boss Dr. Sahliyeh who has as his operating principle that he wants what is best for his employees, even if that means something not good for him.  He demonstrated this to me two times.  The first was when I was interviewing, and instead of saying something bad about other employment opportunities I had, he said he hoped I got Gonzaga and that he wanted what was best for me.  Then he suggested my name for the job in Dubai, even though that meant he might lose me which he didn’t want to do.  When our employees know that want what is best for them, even if it means it comes at our own expense, then they will naturally respect us and give us their all.  Dr. Sahliyeh was also an outstanding boss in that he always makes a point of asking how the family is and how our personal lives are going before he addresses the professional issues.  He does not view us just as workers, but as people with lives first, and he takes that into account in what he demands.  For example, he allowed me to only work mornings for the first couple of months when we arrived in Dallas so I could help get my family established in their new lives here.  All of these things are really amazing.  He is about as good of a boss as they come.

We should also be extremely competent in all that we do.  I think some Kadampas make the mistake of thinking that because our ordinary work is largely mundane that it does not matter, so we don’t really apply ourselves.  But even if the work we do is mundane, the personal skills we acquire by working are only mundane if we only intend to use them for mundane purposes.  But if instead we wish to acquire these skills for the sake of spreading the Dharma, then such skills are vital for the welfare of all living beings.  We will not be able to help all living beings if we are incompetent at all that we do!  This is one of the things that appeals to me about being a diplomat.  A diplomat needs to be the embodiment of virtually every good professional quality – smart, hard working, competent, diplomatic, good organizational skills, good communication skills, presents well, represents well, etc.  Kadampa teachers and practitioners in this world are, in effect, the diplomats of all the Buddhas.  Hard power is the ability to force people to do what we want, soft power is the ability to get people to aspire from their own side to do what we want, and this largely comes through the power of emulation.  Why would people want to become a Kadampa if they see us all as a bunch of incompetent losers?  Ambassador Chung was to competence what Dr. Sahliyeh is to personal qualities.

We used to watch Celebrity Apprentice.  This too was revealing about professional conduct.  Bret Micheals never said anything bad about anybody, he worked really hard, he was creative, he did not fight people or try advance his own agenda at their expense, he was just a genuinely good guy.  Since he was such a good guy, you cannot help but want him to win.  In contrast, Holly was a back-stabbing, self-serving, two-faced (sorry to say) b**ch.  But she is really competent at all that she does and she fights for a good cause.  But despite that, you can’t help but want her to fail because of the way she is.  As Thomas Friedman says we are in the age of ‘how’.  How we do things is more important than what we do.  Curtis was smug and too much of a pretty boy, so people also did not want him to succeed.  Cindy Lauper was brilliantly creative, but was such a wierdo that had no time management skills that, while you liked her and she was right on the personal side of things, couldn’t inspire the respect of others.  Sharon Osborne was really good at what she did and she clearly ‘got it’ in terms of the human skills, but she was either too tired, too sick or too emotionally involved to make it.  It just overwhelmed her.  Some people made it far simply by not rocking the boat and quietly operating under the radar.  Not being remarkable, either too good or too bad, just quietly doing a good job.  But if you don’t stick your neck out and lead you won’t make it all the way. 

The point is this:  as Kadampas we need to embody every good quality, but we develop these qualities for the sake of helping and inspiring all beings to enter into and complete the path.  We need to never say anything bad about anybody ever, work hard, be competent at all that we do, be fair, put our employees or clients interest firsts, not be smug, be creative, be a risk-taker, manage our time well, be diplomatic, etc., etc., etc.  Dorje Shugden arranges for us to be in a working environment for a reason.

Spiritual decision making for daily life

The bottom line is this:  our ordinary minds are completely under the control and influence of our ignorance and self-cherishing.  Ignorance is our root view, and self-cherishing is our root value.  Therefore, if we rely upon our ordinary mind to make our daily decisions, the decision will be a product of these two deluded minds.  Ignorance functions to keep us trapped in samsara, and self-cherishing has one goal:  to put us in the deepest hell as quickly as it can.  Thus, it is quite foolish to make ANY decisions, even the most mundane, with our ordinary mind, because what good could come from that.

In contrast, our guru’s mind is omniscient, perfectly compassionate, omnipotent (within the constraints of karmic possibility) and possesses perfect skilfull means.  Wisdom is its root view and compassion is its root value.  The guru’s mind and our ordinary mind are completely opposites and take us in completely opposite directions.  One takes us out, the other takes us deeper in. 

Since every situation is equally empty, every situation is an equal opportunity to either plunge deeper into samsara or surge towards enlightenment.  There is no moment, no situation in which we do not face this choice and possibility.  We think many of our daily moments have no particular spiritual significance once way or the other.  We consider them to be mundane moments, or neutral moments.  We are not engaging in negativity, but we are not creating virtue either.  Every such moment is a total waste of our precious human life!  Through the most incredible good fortune, we have found a set of instructions that can get us our of samsara once and for all and through the greatest of miracles we are actually motivated to put these instructions into practice.  But through ignorance of the possibility pregnant within each moment, we flitter away the little time we have to purify and train our mind. 

Therefore, it is of paramount importance that we rely upon the guru’s mind in every moment of every day for every decision, even the most mundane such as brushing our teeth or when to wipe. We need to make our ordinary mind completely still and allow the guru to completely take over every moment of every day of our life.  We need to put him completely in charge of everything.

Some may say that this is a denial of free will, but it is in fact the very expression of our free will.  What makes us unfree is the fact that our mind is completely a slave to our delusions.  Delusions funciton to make our mind uncontrolled.  Delusions are what make us unfree.  Rather, it is with our free will that we examine the relative merits of relying upon our ordinary mind compared to relying upon the guru’s mind, and we make the decision to abandon the former and adopt the latter.  This is an expression of our free will, the very means of acquiring free will (because we gain freedom) and it is the wisest thing we can do with our free will. 

At the end of the day, we face a choice:  have to make a myriad of decisions on the basis of ignorance and self-cherishing or make one decision again and again on the basis of wisdom.  If we make the decision to rely in every moment, then the guru will make all other decisions for us, and each of these decisions will be the reflection of his omniscience and compassion, and they will function to swiftly take us to enlightenment.

So how do we rely on his mind at all moments?  Very simply. 

  1. Make your ordinary mind completely still
  2. Generate the wish for him to take over every moment of our life motivated by the wisdom that knows he will make the best possible decisions which have as their goal the swiftest possible enlightenment of all beings.
  3. Make the request that he please take over, decide and act through us.
  4. Be prepared to do whatever he says, regardless of how much our self-cherishing and other delusions may howl!

Constructing alternate karmic realities with our mind

Reality as we know it is nothing more than a particular set of appearances arising from our karma.  It is one dream, amongst countless possibilities.  There is no underlying reality to speak of, only emptiness.  Currently, the reality that appears to us is the fruit of our contaminated karma.  It is nothing other than a mere appearance to our mind, but it is a particularly tricky one in that it ‘appears’ to not be one.  It appears to be ‘real’.  It appears to be something that exists independently of the mind, not created by the mind and not dependent upon the mind.  Not knowing any better, we ignorantly assent to this appearance, believing it to be the case.  Since everyone within this particular set of appearances likewise relates to it as if it were real, we don’t even put its ‘reality’ into question.  As a result, all of our actions we engage in become contaminated by this view.  They are mistaken actions based upon a mistaken view.  These contaminated actions then plant contaminated karma onto our mind.  Our delusions then activate these karmic seeds, giving rise once again to contaminated appearances which we once again ignorantly assent to and act upon.  In this way, it continues as an uninterrupted cycle.  This is samsara.  What is particularly horrible about samsara is its gradient – it is steeply tilted towards extreme suffering.  When our appearances are horrible, we grasp more tightly at them, engage in negative actions in response and this keeps the nightmare going.  When our appearances are pleasant, we grasp more tightly at them, burning up all of our positive karma quickly, leaving us only with negative seeds leading to our fall.  When we lose good things, we grasp at them more tightly, also leading to a fall.  So basically no matter what is appearing, the final destination of all samsaric minds is the deepest hell.  Yet, when we are in the human realm, enjoying temporarily pleasant conditions, we fool ourselves into thinking these will last forever.  We stupidly do not realize that we are just burning up what little merit we have.

But through some miracle of good fortune, we have had somebody enter into our contaminated dream to explain to us what is going on, and how samsara works, and how to get out.  As soon as we realize that this world is nothing more than a mere karmic appearance of mind, one karmic possibility, then whole new possibilities open up.

When samsara appears, we should recognize it as simply one karmic possibility of mere appearances.  And a bad one at that!  If we do not assent to its appearance of being real, but recognize it as just a hallucination, a mere appearance, then we cut its power.  If we cease to pay attention to it, then it will gradually whither away on the vine.  Instead, with our generation stage practice, we dissolve the contaminatedly appearing world into the clear light Dhamakaya, and then from that we intentionally appear with our mind the pure land and ourselves as a deity.  We intentionally appear with our mind all beings abiding in the pure land, engaging sincerely in all of the stages of the path.  We intentionally appear with our mind ourselves guiding, healing and liberating all beings.  We construct an alternate karmic reality with our mind.  Then, understanding that it is a better karmic possibility of mere appearances, we choose to focus our attention on this new world and we choose to abide within it motivated by renunciation, compassion and bodhichitta.  Every moment that we maintain this appearing world, understanding its function and nature, we plant new, pure karmic seeds on our mind.  In the beginning, there are only a few such pure seeds, but the more we engage in this practice the more seeds we plant.  Eventually, we start to reach a critical mass of such seeds and they start ripening more and more.  It begins by having qualified experiences within our daily practice of actually being in the pure land.  But gradually the scope of this appearance grows and grows until eventually we will come to experience it all of the time as our living reality just like we currently do with our contaminatedly appearing world. 

Quite simply, we cease assenting to the contaminted world, choose to construct an alternate, pure karmic reality with our mind.  Then, motivated by compassion and bodhichitta, we choose to pay attention to or focus our mind on assenting to the appearance of abiding in this pure world.  The more we do this, the more pure karma we plant on our mind.  As this karma begins to ripen, we then begin to accelerate our transition into this new world because it is easier to assent to the pure world if we are experiencing it as our living reality.  We create virtuous feedback loops which gradually transport us or move us to the pure land.  Eventually, we come to abide in the pure land at all times. 

Then, we help others do the same!

The power of prayer

Bodhisattvas and Buddhas accomplish most of their virtuous and enlightened actions through the power of prayer.  This is one of the most important abilities we need to develop on the spiritual path.  Very often we neglect this, thinking it superstitious or not really believing that it works.  But if we can understand how it works, then we will see that it is possible to develop this power, and then we will be very motivated to do so.  The power of prayer lies behind most miracle powers, we become a spiritual “magic-user” (sorry, I did too much Dungenons and Dragons when I was a kid!!).

What is the power of prayer?  A Buddha has the ability to have all of their prayers fulfilled, whatever they pray for becomes a reality (within the constraints of how it works which will be described below).  It is the principle means by which bodhisattvas and Buddhas help living beings.

So how does it work?

  1. Deep and stable realization of emptiness, specifically the tantra-prasangaika view.  The TP view has two main recognitions:  first, like the standard prasangika view, that all objects are mere mental projections of the mind; and second, like the Chittamatrins, that the nature of these projections of the mind itself (all things are only mind).  When we have an experiential understanding of this view (how things actually exist), when we experience the entire universe as the body of our mind.  The entire universe is a single, fully integrated organism of our mind.  We experiences all objects, the whole universe, as parts of the body of our mind.  Our mind is in the shape of the world, and we realize by changing the shape of our mind we can change the shape of the whole world.
  2. Rich in merit.  Rich people have lots of resources, and with these resources they can make a lot happen.  They simply spend or deploy their resources to bring about whatever it is they want to see happen.  Some rich people only spend their resources on themselves, fulfilling the wishes of their self-cherishing mind.  But some rich people become philanthropists who spend their resources on helping others as much as they can.  They actively acquire more wealth so that they can use this wealth to help others.  Bill Gates is a good example of this.  A bodhisattva is a spiritual philathropist, but instead of external wealth, they rely upon internal wealth of merit and realizations.  They actively acquire as much inner wealth as they can so that they can share it and give it to others.  Just as externally rich people can accomplish their external wishes, internally rich people can accomplish their external and internal wishes.  Why?  Because ultimately all things are mere karmic appearances of mind.  Their merit gives them the karma to make any good thing appear.
  3. A pure motivation.  At present, we lack the power of prayer.  But Buddhas already have this power.  We can, in effect, have this power as well by tapping into and harnessing their power of prayer towards the ends of our own prayers.  But this will only work if our motivation is aligned with theirs.  They will not fulfill any non-pure prayers, because that is not their function.  They will, however, spontaneously fulfil all pure prayers because that is their function.  So our job is to align our motivation with theirs.  It is like aligning the sails of a sail boat.  If the sails are aligned right with the winds, then the boat will move forward.  In the same way, if our motivation is aligned with that of the Buddhas, then their pure winds will push our spiritual prayers forward.  To align our motivation, we simply need to think about a given situation we would like to pray for, and then ask ourselves “what would the Buddhas want from this situation?”  Then, once we understand what they would want, we then from our own side try to generate the same wants and desires in the situation.  In general, what do Buddhas want?  They want living beings to gain realizations.  Worldly beings want to be free from unpleasant feelings.  This is what sometimes puts our motivation at odds with that of the Buddhas.  For them, unpleasant feelings are an important condition for many different Dharma realizations (patience, renunciation, compassion, the wish to purify, etc.).  But we do the internal work to want what they want, realizing that what they want out of the situation is more infused with wisdom.  In terms of how to generate merit, the three most important things to do are:  (1) generate a bodhichitta motivation for your every action which multiplies the power of your actions by the number of countless living beings, (2) engage in every action conjoined with guru yoga, seeing all aspects of the situation as aspects of your spiritual guide, the synthesis of all the Buddhas – this multiplies the power of your action by the number of countless Buddhas, and (3) make mandala offerings, recognizing the pure world you are offering as an offering of a promise that you will work for as long as possible to transform your dream into the pure world you offer for the benefit f all of the beings in your dream.  Mandala offerings in particular are powerful in that they lay the karmic potentialities on your mind to transform your world into a pure world, where everything that arises is perfect for the enlightenment of all beings.
  4. Deep faith.  Buddhas are as powerful as we make them.  Their power for us does not exist from its own side, but arises in dependence upon the power of our faith.  The more pure faith, the more power they have to fulfil our prayers.  To develop a qualified faith, we primarily need to understand the mechanism by which Buddhas can accomplish their deeds.  When we understand how it works, it seems perfectly doable.  When it seems doable, we believe they can do it.  Then faith is not fantasy wishful thinking, it is a knowledge of what is possible.  So what is the mechanism by which they work?  First, they are empty, in other words, they are not separate from our mind but are rather parts or aspects of our mind.  Second, they have the power to activate karmic potentialities.  This is their essential function.  Just as water and sunlight will activate ordinary seeds to produce a crop of plants, the water and sunlight of our pure motivation and faith spontaneously function to activate the pure karmic seeds we have planted on our mind (see above in the section on merit).  When this karma activates it produces karmic appearances that are the nature and function of our prayers.

If we can develop the power of prayer, there will literally be nothing we cannot do.  It is the primary means of helping living beings, and thus should be our primary focus in terms of building up the skills of a Buddha.

What is samsara?

Samsara is nothing more than the turbulant waves of the ocean of my mind.  Delusions are like violent winds which create rough karmic waves on the ocean of my mind.  The winds of delusion activate contaminated karmic seeds on the ocean bed of our mind.  When these seeds activate they push up, creating contaminated waves.  These waves then create distorted appearances on their surface, appearances of objects that exist from their own side independent of the ocean.  In fact, they mask and obscure the ocean completely where we are totally unaware of the fact that everything is, in reality, only mind.  When we assent to these appearances, we come to believe in a world of objects that exist from their own side, totally separate and independent from the mind.  We believe that our mind simply observes a world that exists out there, independent from the mind itself.  We believe this because this is what appears to us and we never put it into question.

But when we realize that the entire universe is actually nothing more than the ocean of our mind, and every object is like a wave on this ocean, then everything becomes possible.  To cause samsara to subside, we simply need to allow the waters of our mind to become completely still.  By opposing, reducing and finally eliminating our delusions, the wind stops blowing, and the waters of our mind calm.  When this happens, contaminated appearances subside and our mind settles into the clear light Dharmakaya.  It is like choppy water that becomes increasingly still, and as it does so, the water becomes increasingly clear and transparent, less and less obstructed, until it becomes completely clear and without obstruction.  Before, the ocean of our mind was in the shape of samsara.  Now the ocean of our mind is in the shape of a perfectly still and obstruction-free clear light. 

From this clear light, we can then intentionally choose to put the ocean of our mind into the shape of the pure land with ourselves as the deity.  We emerge new, pure waves in the aspect of the pure land.  All beings, which were previously imprisoned by our mind into contaminated appearances have now been freed as pure beings abiding in the pure land, inseparable from the ocean of clear light emptiness.  The mental action of emerging a pure land out of the ocean of our mind plants new, pure karmic potentialities on the ocean bed of our very subtle mind.  These seeds will later ripen due to the pure winds of compassion and bodhichitta, causing the ocean of my mind to actually transform into a pure land within which all beings can take rebirth and complete their training.

The best way to cause the ocean of our mind to subside into the clear light is to connect with the emptiness of each object, recognizing them as distorted, contaminated, falacious appearances.  While they appear to be there, they are in fact illusions or distorted reflections on the ocean of my mind.  Recognizing them as such, I can then let go of them and allow them to dissolve and subside back into the ocean of my mind.  I keep doing this with every object that arises until eventually I abide in the completely still pure, clear light Dharmakaya.

Working to fulfill others’ virtuous wishes

We watched recently a documentary about the election of Barack Obama.  It was a behind the scenes look at the people who actually ran and executed the campaign.  There were thousands of 20-somethings who volunteered themselves 15-20 hours a day over a period of 20 months to get him elected.  While they were exhausted, they felt like they were contributing to something of great meaning, they felt like they were fulfilling a higher purpose.  And so they did so joyfully and with genuine enthusiasm.  In many ways, you can say it was they who got him elected.

This reveals a great many things.  First, Obama in his previous lives must have volunteered himself smililarly hard and enthusiastically thousands and thousands of times (or perhaps once with a bodihchitta motivation, which would have the same karmic effect, such is the power of bodhichitta…) to help others fulfill their wishes.  This is what created the karma to have all these people help him.  If he didn’t have such karma, they wouldn’t have worked for him and he never would have gotten elected.  Second, when people feel like they are fulfilling a higher purpose and their project is one of great meaning, then even if they are working very hard and long hours, they do so joyfully and enthusiastically.  It is not the financial rewards or the status that motivates good people, it is the meaning of the purpose for which they work which drives them. 

So how does this then apply to us? 

  1. First, if in the future we want to accomplish the project of liberating all beings, we will need a lot of help to get the job done.  Like Obama, we will need many many volunteers who will help us out.  How do we get these volunteers?  By ourselves volunteering to help others fulfill their virtuous wishes.  If we do this with a bodhichitta motivation, understanding how our activities will benefit countless beings in countless future generations, then it karmically multiplies the value of our volunteerism.  For me personally, I have always been very bad at this.  I am happy to work on my projects, but I have always been bad about volunteering myself to help others accomplish their projects.  If I continue like this, in the future even if I have a virtuous wish, I will have nobody to help me fulfill it.
  2. In our own lives, we need to see how our activities are building towards fulfilling a higher purpose.  It is this higher purpose which will give us literally unlimited energy to work hard and keep going, and to do so enthusiastically and joyfully.  What higher purpose can there be than bodhichitta?  What higher purpose can there be than the project of building a pure land in which all living beings can take rebirth and complete the path?  If I grow tired or I lose my enthusiasm to work, it is because I have strayed from this purpose.
  3. We have an incredible opportunity to right here and right now be like a volunteer for Barack Obama, but instead of volunteering to work work to fulfill a politician’s worldly purposes (even a virtuous politican’s virtuous worldly purposes), we can volunteer to work to fulfill the living Je Tsongkhapa’s spiritual purposes in this world.  VGL’s wish and project is a ‘campaign’ to lead all beings to enlightenment.  His project is give people everything they need and to inspire them to take up the path which will permanently free them and all that they love from all suffering.  What can be more meaningful than that?  If we feel anything less than joy and enthusiasm in our work for fulfilling VGL’s wishes, it is because we do not really share them or we are not really working to fulfill his wishes, but rather our own.  If we do the work to put our mind genuinely behind this wish, then we will find literally endless energy to work continuously towards this end.  Even if our motivation is not perfect, the nature of the object towards which we work is so pure that the karma we create by volunteering ourselves is limitless. 
  4. We need to rely upon Dorje Shugden as the ‘campaign manager’, or our boss, in terms of assigning us our individual task.  The campaign manager has the big picture in mind, and his job is to assign work to the volunteers so as collectively their efforts produce the final result.  So we should request him to reveal to us and arrange the conditions for us to assume our job in the spritual campaign.  In ALL situations, our number one job is ALWAYS to gain Dharma realizations.  Externally, my current situation is I can help through caring for my family.  If I provide a good childhood for 5 kids, then I create the causes to be reborn at least five times in good families.  This will make a big difference in terms of my future.  Likewise, I am making this blog/website so that I have access to ample good teachings in the future (assuming what I have to say is good, that is!!! hee hee).  I am trying to learn how to transform a very normal life into a deep spiritual retreat, which I hope will benefit countless living beings in the future who live ‘normal’ lives.  This seems to be the conditions Dorje Shugden, my campaign manager, has arranged for me. 

Conclusion:  I need to see my living my life as my volunteering myself to fulfill the virtuous wishes of VGL in his project/campaign to liberate all living beings.  If I maintain this recognition as the purpose behind all of my actions and the context of my life, then this is the karma I will create.

Doing everything for others

VGL says in Eight Steps to Happiness that the path to enlightenment is very easy, all we need to do is change the object of our cherishing from self to others and everything else will come naturally.  The essence of the Mahayana path is to have our every action be for the benefit of others.  Once we have made this shift, then we naturally look for ways of increasing the quality of the benefit we bestow upon others through our actions.  The most valuable thing we can do for others is help them overcome the real cause of their problems, their delusions.  To do that, we need to gain the wisdom knowing how to overcome delusions.  We acquire that through our own practice of Dharma.  Once we have this logic, then it is just an issue of taking things to their logical conclusion.  If only Dharma realizations provide any lasting freedom or happiness, then we should not stop gaining realizations until we have gained them all – in other words, attained enlightenment.

But the linchpin to all of this process is making this change in the object of our cherishing.  It is not enough to just mentally know we should or understand this logic, we need to bring about a genuine transformation in the reason or purpose behind our every action.  Every day, no matter what our circumstances, we are engaging in actions.  The easiest and most important method for transforming our life into a retreat is to mentally do everything we are normally doing anyways, but do it mentally for the benefit of others.  If we can do this, then our transforming the rest of our life into a retreat will come naturally.  If we fail to do this, then it will be impossible to really transform our life into a retreat.  Like with the path itself, this is the key step.

In the beginning, we should not worry about trying to do our every action with a bodhichitta motivation, but even just simply train in doing our actions for the benefit of others.  We happily serve others.  So in our work, we help our boss and clients/students, at home we help our kids, with our partner we support them in their goals and help with a disproportionate share of the household work, with our friends we try help them be happy, on the road we let others go first, when we are with strangers we give them a warm and friendly smile, when we bathe we do so so others don’t have to smell our bad human odors, etc., etc., etc.  We are doing all of these things every day anyways, we just need to change our reason for doing them from doing them for our own benefit to doing them for the benefit of others.

There is no mental habit more important than this to develop.  From this mental habit, the rest will come naturally and essentially effortlessly.

Making our life our retreat

In general, the place of practice within our life goes through a progression:

  1. Before we encounter the Dharma, we simply have our life.  It is full of problems and our aspirations are generally to accomplish the things of this life (wealth, a good reputation, pleasant experiences, high position, etc.).  We pursue these things, but never really find any satisfaction or meaning. 
  2. We then find the Dharma, and at first we organize our practice around our life.  Our normal life is first and foremost, and when we have spare time or capacity, we then engage in our practice.  But it feels like our practice and our life are two different things.  We continue like this and we gain some experience of the Dharma, it starts to solve some of our problems, we start to change our outlook, and we start to make the connection between how much we practice and how happy we are.
  3. We then organize our life around our practice.  We realize that our practice is the way to solve our problems and to be happy.  Doing our practice is as essential to our day as taking a shower or eating.  Just as we clean and nourish our body, so too we need to clean and nourish our mind with our practice.  We realize that our practice is actually the most important thing we do in our day and in our life, and that through it we can manage the rest of our life.  But there still feels like there is a gap between our life and our practice.  We practice to be able to survive in our life.
  4. We then make our practice our life.  Here we make the central focus of what we do in our life to be directly doing practice related things.  We directly engage in Dharma activities as the main activity of our life.  This can take the form of working for a center, being a Resident Teacher, or generally working to help spread the Dharma.  We see no point in worldly life and we make Dharma activities our life.  This stage is still characterized by some grasping at inherently worldly life and inherently spiritual life, and so we reject the former and do the latter.  Sometimes this stage is also combined with some pride in the ‘spiritual life’ we have chosen and we look down on those who are still doing worldly life. 
  5. We then make our life our practice.  Here we realize that all situations are equally empty, therefore all situations provide an equal opportunity to practice Dharma.  We abandon the grasping at the distinction between worldly activities and spiritual activities.  If we have a mind of practice, then everything we do becomes our practice; if we have a worldly mind, then everything we do becomes worldly.  This is equally true regardless of whether our life is occupied with Dharma activities or with conventionally worldly activities.  We realize that in the previous stage we were a bit tending towards the extreme of spirituality and as such were not ‘normal’.  But we also realize that it was OK to be like that.  But at this stage, the duality between our life and our practice is essentially gone.  Everything we do in our life is our practice and our practice is everything we do in our life.  The essential meaning of Dharma practice is to train our mind, and our life simply provides us with the external context for doing so.  We realize we can simultaneously live a completely normal life and a completely spiritual life and there is no contradiction whatsoever between the two.  This does not mean we necessarily abandon making Dharma activities the central activities of our life.  It is perfectly possible for somebody to continue to directly engage in Dharma activities of teaching, working for centers, etc., as the main activity of their life, but they do so with a different mind and point of view.  But some others might experience a rebalancing of the activities of their life where they more resemble the norm of what people do in this world (work, family, etc.).
  6. We then make our life our retreat.  Amongst the modes of engaging in Dharma practices, retreat is the highest form.  When we are on retreat, we leave all worldly activities completely behind and allow ourselves to focus exclusively on our practice.  We stive to have 100% of our bodily, verbal and mental energies single pointedly focused on training our mind in the Dharma.  Just as before we overcame the perceived duality between our life and our practice, on this stage we overcome the perceived duality between our practice and our retreat.  Once again, since all situations are equally empty, with a “mind of retreat” every moment can equally be our retreat.  All duality between our life, our practice and our retreat are completely dissolved and we feel directly and simultaneously:  (1) our life is our practice of retreat, (2) our practice is our life of retreat, (3) our practice is our retreat of life, and (4) our retreat is our practice of life.  Each one of these four recognitions are experienced simultaneously as different aspects of the same mind.  This does not mean there will not be times when we engage in traditional retreat, rather it means that when we do so it will just be a different phase or iteration of one uninterrupted continuum of our life as retreat. 

Spiritual principles for approaching one’s career choices

In the course of a professional career, one faces many choices.  The question is how to make good professional choices in a spiritual way.  In many parts of the world, especially old Asia, spiritual life and professional life are conceived of as mutually exclusive.  Part of bringing the ancient wisdom of Kadampa Buddhism into the modern world is overcoming this false duality.  Every professional situation is different, but certain principles can help guide us in making spiritually and professionally good choices.

  1. Our main focus should be skill-building.  Every job we do provides an opportunity to develop within ourselves further skills.  Heruka, the principal deity of Keajra, is the Spiritual Father of all beings, a Chakravatin (Universal) King and the principal deity of the body mandala (essentially the supreme spiritual doctor for all beings).  Therefore, to become a good principal deity you need to cultivate within yourself all of the skills of being an enlightened father, leader and doctor.  So in our work, our main focus should be on cultivating these skills within ourselves.  The substantive knowledge we acquire is transient and generally is only useful in our present job, but the skills we build within ourselves we take with ourselves from job to job (or assignment to assignment).  The more skills we acquire in our present job the more successful we will be in all of our future jobs and the more we build up to being a good principal deity of our future pure land.
  2. Do not just report, be an agent of change.  Many many jobs have a reporting dimension where we are to report to our supervisors what is going on so that they can make informed and intelligent decisions about what to do.  This is a very important function, and one we should strive to do diligently, thoroughly and objectively.  We should provide for our supervisors the quality of information we would want if we were the ones having to make the decisions.  Providing reporting is good, but providing quality analysis is better.  We are hired to not just report what is going on, but we need to also provide the analytical insights which help the person understand the dynamics at play in the situation.  Analysis is good, practical recommendations are better.  We should never just come to our supervisors with a problem, we need to come to them with a solution to that problem.  We were hired to lighten the work load of our supervisors, not add to it.  Coming to them with just problems adds to their work load and runs counter to their purpose in hiring us.  Coming with the solution lightens their load.  But a bodhisattva goes beyond all of that.  The distinguishng characteristic of a bodhisattva is superior intention, or the assumption of personal responsibility for the solution to the problems you have identified and analyzed.  You should ask only from your boss permission to implement yourself the solution you have identified to the problems you have analyzed from having objectively investigated the situation you are to report on.  Your work has certain policy priorities, your job is to actualize those priorities.  Reporting is good, analyzing is better, recommending adds value, solving problems yourself is fulfilling.  Do not just be a reporting officer, be an action officer.  Do not just be an action officer, be an activist.  Do not just call on others to change things, become an agent of change yourself.
  3. First do exceedingly well whatever you have been assigned, then go beyond that.  Some people don’t like the work they have been assigned, so they do everything they can to avoid it.  But you have been hired to do that task, so if you avoid it you are not doing your job and will certainly never succeed in a professional context.  One of the commitments of training the mind is to not pass your burden onto others.  You need to assume first and foremost responsibility for what you have been assigned.  As my Grandma says, ‘a job worth doing is a job worth doing well.’  So you need to do what you have been assigned, and you need to do it well.  Other people do their jobs but are unwilling to go beyond their job descriptions with the ever so useful retort “not my job.”  This is a laziness and professionally self-defeating.  As bodhisattvas, our goal is to become the solution to all of the problems of all living beings for all of their lives.  So we should constantly seek to expand the envelope of the problems we seek to solve.  We should work outwards in concentric circles, first solve the problems for which we have been hired, then solve the situations which create the problems for which we have been hired, and so forth working outwards.  This will both be seen as us doing our job and going beyond our job.  It is the willingness and ability to do the extra that will enable us to progress professionally as well as personally as we assume more and more responsibility.
  4. Head straight for the biggest problems your work has to face, both in the short-term and more importantlyin  the long-term.  Often we want to avoid the biggest problems because we are either lazy or we lack confidence in our ability to tackle such problems.  But we will never build our pure land if we indulge ourselves in our laziness and we will never grow in capacity if we do not force ourselves to rise to the occasion.  A bodhisattva plunges straight into the biggest problems because that is where he or she can add the most value.  Again, it is an issue of assuming personal responsibility for the biggest problems in our world.  Being a first responder to crises is very noble and valuable, working to avert long-run problems is more subtle and often goes unrecognized (noone ever sees or appreciates the solution to problems which never materialized) but it is a higher purpose.  If you think long-term about things you will gain the skills now to be able to effectively respond to the problems of tomorrow when they come.  Then, even if the problem is not averted (best outcome) you are best prepared to rise to the challenge when the problem does manifest in the future.
  5. Seek  to do the work that looks most interesting to you, not what you think you need to do to get ahead.  If you find it interesting, you will enjoy it.  If you enjoy it, you will do it well.  If you do it well, you will succeed.  In this way, you will both enjoy your professional life and succeed at it.  Doing what you think you need to do to get ahead is a deceptive strategy.  First, you are likely to not enjoy the job itself (and so you will do a bad job and impress nobody, so you will likely not get the career boost you are hoping for).  Second, even if you do a good job, the career boost you were hoping for might not come at which point you will be disappointed.  Third, even if the career boost comes, it will boost you further in a direction of doing something you don’t want to do because you now possess greater skills and experiences in a field or domain you do not like.
  6. Be flexible and willing to do whatever the situation requires.  Nobody likes people who are rigid as they just create more work for everyone else.  Everybody appreciates somebody who never complains and is willing to be a team player and do whatever is required.
  7. Serve others in everything that you do – always.  You should never work for your own purposes, but always be seeking to fullfill others’ (virtuous) purposes.  Everything you do, you should do for others.  We are here to serve, we should be a servant to others.  Service to others is the highest calling and the real purpose of both our professional and spiritual lives.