I have been at a conference in Albania for the last 5 days, the theme of which was LGBT Rights are Human Rights.  It was a regional workshop of LGBT activists from around Eastern Europe and the Balkans hosted by the U.S. Government, the Open Society Institute and the Albanian Government.  I have attended many conferences, but this one was without a doubt the best conference I have ever attended.  I came away with many very useful spiritual lessons.

First some background:  A lot of the societies of Eastern Europe and the Balkans are very homophobic for a variety of historical reasons.  People are routinely beat up just for being gay, families will kick you out of the house, your family members will be shunned by the community, employers will fire you, landlords will deny you housing, the police will do little to protect you, friends will make fun of you and the Church will condemn you.   In such societies, information is even scarce, with the popular understanding being that homosexuality is a disease from which you need to be cured, either by a pyschiatric hospital or by the Church.  The social cost of being “out” is enormously high, so people quite obviously stay in the closet. 

1. “Things do not get better all by themselves, but they do get better when people fearlessly stand up for what is right.”  One of the things we did at the conference was make a “it gets better video”, which is a common and true slogan within the LGBT community.  But this saying is not entirely correct because things do not get better all by themselves, rather they only do so when people fearlessly stand up for what is right.  Samsara will never end on its own, but it will end when we fearlessly refuse to cooperate with it anymore.  What impressed me more than anything at the conference was how fearlessness sets you and others free.  It is fear of the social penalty that keeps people hidden and allows prejudice to continue.  But it only takes a few courageous and dedicated individuals to change everything.  Freedom depends on people who are willing to take all that prejudice and hate can throw at them, but still not bow down to ignorance.  By fearlessly being willing to absorb the social cost without backing down, you not only free yourself but you make it easier for all others after you.  Venerable Geshe-la once said “the truth will never be defeated.”  But it takes fearlessness, a willingness and ability to transform mental and physical pain, for there to be victory for ourselves and for others.  Ghandi showed the way in this world for bringing about political change in any civil rights movement. 
2. There is no difference between civil rights movements and the work of a bodhisattva.  In general, as Kadampas, we do not mix politics and religion – very dangerous combination.  But as Kadampas we are definitely activists of a different kind.  Our civil rights struggle is against delusion.  Like any traditional activist, we have to overcome our own assenting to oppression (by assenting to our delusion) to be able to help others overcome theirs.  Just as homophobic societies keep people in the clost out of fear, so too our delusions keep us unfree out of fear.  Saying no to our delusions requires an equal fearlessness to be willing to accept the mental and sometimes physical suffering associated with no longer cooperating with our delusions.  For example, to say no to our attachment can be very painful and to give in so much easier.  Just like any oppressor, our delusions control us through fear of all that we would lose by saying no to them.  Just like a traditional activist, we have to be willing to absorb that cost as a small price to pay for freedom.  And just like with traditional activists, our willingness to stand up for what is right (internally in this case), we make it easier for everyone else by showing the example of somebody free (or somebody freeing themseves) from delusion’s choke-hold, and more profoundly by understanding that others are a projection of our mind.  And while it is true we do not mix religion and politics as Kadampas, this does not mean we are apolitical.  Any form of discrimination, oppression, willingness to sacrifice the majority for the few, etc., is all driven by delusion, and we oppose delusion in all of its forms.  Of course we must do so skilfully and not become distracted by pursuing political causes at the expense of our spiritual training.  But there is no contradiction between being a Kadampa and having political views – we are the anti-delusion party!  Any political views or activities are merely a part of and a natural extension of our larger mission in this world to free all beings from their delusions in the greatest freedom movement of all time!
3. Shared suffering and common purpose make for robust and festive communities.  The LGBT activists all had a shared suffering and a common purpose, and what made this conference very unique was the incredible sense of family and togetherness among the participants – many of whom did not know each other beforehand.  It was actually festive, as people felt free to be themselves without having to hide anything, they naturally understood each other’s struggles and effortlessly sought to support and encourage one another.  The subject matter was one of extreme suffering and oppression, but the atmosphere was one of liberating joy and definite emergence.  Sound familiar?  Our Kadampa “festivals” are well-named and are no different than this weekend’s conference.  As Kadampas from around the world, we have a shared suffering (of being controlled by our delusions and being trapped in samsara) and a common purpose (of cultivating the courage and strength within ourselves to free both ourselves and others from delusion and samsara).  We come together, talk about our shared suffering of samsara, have a common purpose and mutually support one another.  Feeling free and bound together we abide in a festive atmosphere of definite emergence.  We should likewise carry this feeling back to our home countries and recreate it within our local sanghas.
4. When somebody unassailable makes a declaration of manifest truth and emancipation, it empowers people to have the courage to stand up and bring about change in the world.  Hillary Clinton, on her own initiative, gave a landmark speech back in December somewhat akin to the Emancipation Proclamation in which she declared for all LGBT people around the world that LGBT rights are human rights.  The fight is not her own, but she understands that if any one person is unfree anywhere, we are all unfree everywhere.  While just words, because of who they come from they gave courage to LGBT activists around the world that their cause is just and that if they perservere they will eventually succeed.  In the same way, the Buddhas come to us and declare that we all have the right to be free from delusion and that if we perservere in our struggle, we too shall be free. 
5. Within Buddhism we have a clear explanation as to how and why there would be a wide variety of sexual orientations, none of which are any more wrong or right than any other.  To be born a male or a female is a function of the ripened effect of our karma.  The ripened effect determines what type of rebirth we take – male or female.  Who we are attracted to is a function of the tendencies similar to the cause we have created – if we have generated the mind of being attracted to women frequently in the past, for example, this creates tendencies on our mind to find women attractive.  If a female ripened effect ripens and the tendencies similar to the cause of being attracted to women also ripen, then we will be a lesbian.  Likewise, if a male ripened effect ripens and the tendencies similar to the cause of being attracted to men also ripen, then we will be gay.  Regardless of the ripened effect if the tendencies to be attracted to both women and men ripen, we will be bi.  It is also possible to have a dual ripened effect where the ripened effect of our aggregate of form is for example male, but the ripened effect of our aggregates of feeling and discrimination are female (or vice versa).  In such a situation we would be transgender (or as they sometimes describe their experience, “a woman trapped in a man’s body”).  The different permutations of the ripening of karma are infinite, so it stands to reason that the spectrum of sexual orientations will likewise be infinite.  Upon what basis can we say one is correct and another is incorrect.  From one perspective they are all equally correct in that it is just different karma that ripens.  From another perspective, they are all equally incorrect in that why on earth should anybody find any contaminated aggregates attractive!  So there is no valid basis within Buddhism for even the slightest form of homophobia. 
6. Love is the greatest of all.  While I try to never judge any other religion, it is unfortunate when cultural forces and ignorance warp and misconstrue pure spiritual teachings.  Jesus is all about love thy neighbor.  This is his highest teaching.  Surely love and commitment to our fellow human beings is the highest virtue, regardless of what combination of aggregates are involved.  It is inconceivable that Jesus was a bigot and a hater, and he never said anything about homosexuality at all.  The sin in the tales of Sodom are not the homosexuality, but rather the gluttony and heedless indulgence in sensoral pleasures.  What is more sinful, a heterosexual playboy or a committed gay couple?  The spiritual value of marriage is an unconditional commitment to choose to love another without end, and such virtue can be shared between any two beings no matter their gender or sexual orientation.  Any religious teacher who teaches otherwise has unfortunately become confused about the real meaning of their own spiritual teachings.
7. Since people do not read anymore, the key to getting one’s message out these days is by having a good YouTube video.  The ability to put a good video together is the modern equivalent of the ability to write a good article in the past.  As Kadampas, we need to keep this in mind and develop these skills. 

Finally, I had two observations more related to my trip to Albania itself than the LGBT conference.

1. Be happy with what you have, not unhappy about what you don’t have.  I visited with some very close friends from graduate school.  And by all measures, they had a great life – good jobs, great kids, a nice life.  But because they had previously been in Geneva, Albania was no longer good enough for them and they wanted to get out.  Because their karma does not allow for that for a variety of reasons, there was a layer of frustration and dissatisfaction with their lives.  If we check, we are all like this just in different ways.  This is a big mistake and ultimately is self-torture.  Because all situations are equally empty, all places and all circumstances are equally good (or bad) depending upon how we mentally relate to them.  No matter what our circumstance, we can always be dissatisfied and frustrated by what we don’t have or we can choose to be happy and content with what we do have.  It is this mental attitude that determines whether we are happy or not, regardless of our external situation.
2. If you want to grow and develop in a sustainable way, invest in the infrastructure first.  After the fall of communism, everybody wanted to own their own apartments, etc.  So everybody started building new apartment buildings and assuming the trappings of Western life.  But because the government had not put the infrastructure in beforehand, such as waste water treatment facilities and adequte roads, the apartments were built but nobody could enjoy them.  Sewage poured out into the sea making it unusable and a lack of roads made access difficult.  Many projects then wound up not being started, but not completed; or many things were built, but never maintained properly.  This has lead to a considerable waste of resources.  By analogy, this is an important lesson for the development of Dharma centers and spiritual communities.  A center’s management should not focus on just increasing the numbers of the people who frequent the center, but rather they should focus on building the infrastructure to support their arrival and staying.  Externally, this means safe and clean facilities that are comfortable, accessible, aesthetically pleasing and conducive to spiritual practice.  Internally, which is far more important, this means creating a center culture that is free from any judgement, joyful, mutually supportive, free from guilt-tripping and is built on pure spiritual friendships and a shared feeling of community.  It is the internal realizations of the practitioners and the joyful social harmony between them that are the essential inner infrastructure of a successful center.  If you develop quality external and internal infrastructure, the center will naturally grow.  Without them, even if you have a flash growth, it will not last and ultimately will prove a waste.

Sorry for the long post, but it was a really great conference and I wanted to share what I learned.

We generally fall into one of two extremes when it comes to our practice of moral discipline – either we become neurotic expecting ourselves to already be perfect or we become defeatest saying since I can’t do moral discipline perfectly I won’t really try do any at all.  Both extremes come from the same mistake – expecting an imperfect being, ourselves, to somehow be able to already be perfect.  Letting go of this mistake, namely accepting that we cannot (yet) be perfect with our moral discipline enables us to find the middle way and actually maximize the level of our moral discipline.

First, the extreme of being neurotic about our moral discipline.  There are many practitioners who understand clearly the dangers of negative actions, they have studied all of their vows and commitments and they sincerely want to be a moral being.  They then take every vow under the sun (and there are many!) and through brute force try impose such perfect behavior upon themselves.  But the problem is this:  we are not yet perfect nor even remotely capable of being so.  When we try impose this upon ourselves, all we wind up doing is repressing a whole host of delusions.  These delusions get pushed deeper into our mind where they fester and grow like a cancer until eventually they build up to uncontrollable levels and the blow in some dramatic way.  While we are repressing in this way, we use guilt to motivate ourselves to “be moral”, beating ourselves up over our slighest transgressions thinking if only we beat ourselves up enough and inflict enough self-punishment we will beat ourselves into line.  But this approach never works.  Effort, according to the Dharma, is taking delight in virtue – basically, it means we enjoy becoming a better person.  Guilt and beating ourselves up robs us of all joy, and so therefore actually robs us of all effort.  Without true effort, even if we are “trying really hard” we are not really practicing and therefore not really advancing along the path.  Even if in the short-run it seems like we are making rapid transformations of ourselves, in reality we are just sacrificing our future on the path on the short-term altar of living up to our own unrealistic expectations of our current practice.  Many, many practitioners fall into this extreme and they often wind up abandoning the path altogether.

The other extreme is a defeatism which says, “I know I am not perfect, far from it, and I couldn’t be if I even tried, so I won’t even bother trying at all.”  We hear Venerable Geshe-la’s advcie to work gradually with our vows, and we take that as permission to do nothing with our vows.  We take vows many many times, but we never actually take the practice of them seriously.  We may even teach about karma and moral discipline many many times, but we never really start the hard work of identifying our faults and applying joyful effort to overcome them.  We can start to conceive of vows and commitments as impossible hurdles far beyond our capacity, like trying to get to the second floor without any stairs, and we wind up contenting ourselves with our current level of goodness.  When we fall into this extreme, our forward progress on the path stagnates.  Eventually, seeing so little progress, we lose interest in the path, gradually start moving on to something else and then we enter into a subtle, but nonetheless vicious cycle, where the less we put into our path the less we get out of it and on that basis we put even less into the path.  This gradual death of our spiritual life can occur quickly and suddenly or very slowly over many years, but either way it kills our spiritual life until we have nothing.

Of course the goal is to be 100% perfect 100% of the time.  Paradoxically, the way we get there is by accepting (meaning being at peace with) the fact that it is impossible for us to be perfect right now so we shouldn’t even try.  We might be able to be 100% perfect with just a couple of vows, but the time and effort that would take would mean we do nothing with all the others.  I used to tutor math, and I think it provides a good example.  When we are in first grade, learning how to add, it is very hard and we are lucky to get say 80% on our tests.  But by the time we reached sixth grade, we would have no difficulty getting 100% on first grade math tests 100% of the time.  But once again, we find it very hard to get say 80% on our sixth grade math tests.  By the time we reach high school graduation, we can easily get 100% on sixth grade math tests 100% of the time, but find our current grade level once again hard.  This is totally normal and is exactly how we should approach our vows and general practice of moral discipline.

We should understand what grade we are at with our practice, be at peace with being 80% good enough at our current grade, but never be content with remaining on the same grade forever.  By letting go of the unrealistic expectation of being already perfect we can leave the neurosis and defeatism behind. 

Practically speaking, how can we do this?  We should take the time to make a list of those things we do which we know are not moral – starting with the gross levels of transgression and gradually working to the more subtle levels.  It might be a long list, but that is OK.  We can then rank order them from easiest to hardest to overcome.  We know our grade level by diving our list into what is comfortable/easy to overcome, possible with effort and really hard.  We then set the minimum standard of avoiding 80% of the possible with efforts 80% of the time.  This gives us some wiggle room to sometimes sneak a chocolate or accidentally tell a few minor white lies (or maybe even some small gray ones), but our overall moral ledger remains a good B- (80% on the American school scale).  There might be some times where we have an A when it comes to one area of our moral discipline, but a C- on other areas, and then the next week it might shift the otherway around, but as long as our overall Grade Point Average is a at least 80% we should be happy.  By training in this way, we will get better and better at the easy stuff until eventually we can do it 100% of the time without any effort at all, and the moderate to harder stuff we will do less and less.  We start to graduate to higher grades.  Then we periodically make our list, reassess our current grade level and once again set our minimum standard of 80% at our new level. 

In sum, paradoxically by accepting that we are not yet perfect and giving ourselves a little wiggle room to only have to be 80% good we actually wind up practicing moral discipline far more than if we expect ourselves to be 100% good (which either leads to neurosis or defeatism).

I have had several experiences over the last few days which have taught me a few lessons in effective leadership.  This matters for Kadampas because we are training to be the spiritual guides, which above all, are leaders of living beings.

1. If you have discretion, use it graciously.  There are some things for which we have no discretion, there are rules, we cannot change them, the institution which makes them is deemed legitimate, there we have no choice.  But there are other areas where we do have discretion in how we apply the rules.  In these areas, our default should always be to use our discretion graciously, in the way that benefits others most.  We should not be one of those who have their 3 square meters of sovereignity over the world, and we abuse everyone who comes within it just because we can.
2. Don’t sacrifice what is right on the altar of outer peace.  Some leaders are in fact “conflict avoiders” whose real objective is to avoid outer conflict with everyone.  Such “leadership” is spineless and very often results in sub-optimal outcomes for others just because the leader is averse to conflict.  Sometimes conflict is necessary.  Yes, it is sometimes uncomfortable, but when appropriate we should gladly accept that discomfort as the price of doing what is right for others.
3. Don’t “kiss up and kick down”, rather, if you have to, “kick up, and kiss down.”  There are so many “leaders” who kiss up to their superiors, but then with those they supervise, they are abusive, controlling and dysfunctional.  The superior often doesn’t know that the person is doing this, but rather thinks the employee is a model one.  The subordinates know the person who is kissing up and kicking down has the favor of the big boss so they fear challenging their immediate supervisor.  A good boss will be one who shelters his employees from the wrong decisions made by the big boss and will push back in order to protect those those that they supervise. 

Your turn:  what are some basic lessons of effective leadership your life experience has taught you?

(I wrote this in February 2011 after I just completed my orientation training)

I complete today my initial training.  The following are some of the key insights I have gained during the training.

1. Good interpersonal skills trump everything.  If you don’t have them, then nothing else you do will matter.  People will not want to work with you.   Everything we do and seek to accomplish in life depends upon being able to work well with others.  In modern terms:  “don’t be a douche.”
2. Seek out and rely upon mentors.  You need to find the people whose point of view you respect and turn to them for advice.  Don’t ask them in some cheesy way to be your mentor, rather cultivate this type of relationship with them by going to them out of respect with genuine questions and rely upon them sincerely.  It should not be artificial and contrived.  Don’t make it contrived networking and politiking.  People naturally want to help others and to share their wisdom, so take advantage of this to learn and to grow.  Ultimately, everyone has something to share and to teach you.  When people see that you are earnest, that you respect them and that you rely upon their counsel, they will naturally come to respect you.  Express appropriate gratitude and appreciation for what others have done to help your way.
3. Give back (or pay forward).  Do for others what others have done for you (and what you would want others to do for you).  The essence of bodhichitta is the pursuit of wisdom, skills and knowledge so that you can then share that wisdom, skill and knowledge with others.  So rely upon mentors to seek such wisdom then make a point to help others when they need it.  Giving back is also sometimes known as ‘paying forward’, the idea being you build up relationship capital with others for the future.  This is much like karma, where you create good causes for yourself for the future.  The key is to do this with a selfless motivation.  I want relationship capital so that I can then help even more people in the future.  This should not be done from the perspective of selfish intent.  Though, it is better to help others with selfish intent than it is to not help them at all.
4. Focus on doing a really good job in everything you do.  Take the time to do things right, to do it right the first time and to do it on-time.  As Grandma says, “a job worth doing is a job worth doing right.”  Ultimately, if we just focus on doing a good job (and we are easy and pleasant to work with) then everything else will take care of itself with time.
5. In the State Department, the currency we trade in is called “corridor reputation”.  Corridor reputation essentially comes down to the question of “would I want to work with this person again in the future.”  A good corridor reputation has five components:  (1) you do your job very well, (2) you are easy and pleasant to work with, (3) you are willing to go above and beyond what is required of you, (4) you have a clear and easy to understand “brand” that people can know you by in terms of what you are an expert in or capable of doing, (5) you are part of a respected network of people and you yourself have a network of people that you can marshal (which itself is built from your mentoring and helping of others).
6. Never create more work for others, especially your boss.  Your boss wants you to lighten their load, not add to it.  Don’t just come with problems, come with solutions that you yourself take personal responsibility for implementing.  Mark told the story of what a boss wants is to be able to kick up their feet on their desk reading the New York Times and being able to just say ‘proceed’ when you come to them with a solution to some problem.
7. Always give to others more than you take from them.  Sometimes, especially in the beginning, we have to ask favors of others.  But we should seek to repay them more than they gave to us.  We should always do at least two favors for others for every one we ask of them, that way we always have a positive balance with everyone.
8. Don’t be a whiner, don’t be demanding and don’t be a prima dona.  One person created the impression that if she did not get what she wanted to go to London that she would quit.  This makes people not like you and not want to give you what you want just to teach you that you need to become a team player and be willing to not get your way.  In contrast, Brian stepped up with a good attitude about going to Juarez.  What a difference.  She is always whispering in corners with highly placed people, but she comes across as somebody sneaky trying to impress others.  It is good that she has the courage to approach and make herself known to those in power, but her general approach makes you want to clip her wings and opposed to offer her a helping hand.
9. Roland is a natural leader, is socially very skilled, he commands respect through his competence and confidence and his can-do spirit and attitude.  He is somebody who has good common sense and practical ability.  Simone, Tim and Roland are all examples of people who are resourceful and can practically figure things out that they have not done before.  They are good with their hands and in operating efficiently and effectively in the physical plane.  This is something I need to work on.
10. Bahram comes across as very smart, very competent, very charismatic yet no ego.  He doesn’t say much, but what when he does, it is always relevant and value-added.  These are all skills to emulate.
11. Don’t let your enthusiasm get ahead of your wisdom.  It is good to be eager but if you overdo things and make mistakes then people want to slow you down and they can’t trust you to not make a fool of yourself.  So it is better to do less and do it very well and then gradually build up your capacity.  In this sense, I asked too many questions and took up too much space.  It made people want to not call on me when I had a question.  I made this same mistake at my first ITTP.  I talked too much.  It is better to be more reserved and limit your interventions.
12. I need to develop an ambidexturious personality.  They are really big on the Myers Briggs personality test.  I have a INTJ (introvert, intuitive, thinking, judgement).  This was explained as my personality preference (like my preference to use my right hand to write).  There is nothing wrong with this, but it is important for me to also become equally comfortable with the opposite of this.  There are strengths and advantages to all of the different traits, and I need to become proficient in all of them.
13. I need to apply effort to develop the skills, abilities and habits of highly effective people.  It is more important to develop these skills and habits than it is to have substantive knowledge.  When you have these skills, you can do anything by just adding a little substantive knowledge (which you can learn).  But if you lack these skills, you will not be able to do anything even if you have the best substantive knowledge.  In this light, I should start reading a lot of those business books about habits of highly effective people, good managers, etc.
14. We should always work principally on overcoming our weaknesses.  We should identify them, then apply effort to overcome them.  It is useful to try understand how others perceive you.  Not because you are attached to what they think but because this is a good way of identifying our faults that we need to work on overcoming.  I think I come across as a bit socially ackward and not somebody who people want to hang out with.  I am not sure why.
15. It is good to be humble, but it is extreme to be falsely self-depricating.  On many occasions, I would exaggerate my lack of knowledge, incompetence, weaknesses, etc.  I don’t need to do this.  I certaintly shouldn’t be pretentious, but I also don’t need to be falsely self-depricating or to talk excessively about my faults and weaknesses.  The middle way is to be aware of your faults, but to sincerely apply effort in overcoming them by learning from and relying upon others.

Your turn:  What spiritual lessons did you learn at work today?

The difference between an ordinary life and a spiritual life is really quite simple.  We can begin by asking ourselves:  When confronted with difficulty, what do I try change?  Our normal, ordinary reaction is to mistakenly believe that our problem is our external environment, thinking “I am unhappy because my external situation is like this…”  Since we think the problem is in our external situation, we naturally dedicate all of our effort to changing our external situation.  But even if we change our external situation, if we do not also change our mind what we will find is our mind will simply re-project the same problem onto our new external situation.  The faces and context may be different, but the fundamental problem will be the same.  No matter where we go, no matter how we change our external environment, we bring our mind with us.  Since our mind is the creator of our problems, this means we will also bring our problems with us.

To transform our life into a spiritual life we simply need to change our diagnosis of the problem.  The problem is not my external situation, the problem is exclusively how my mind is relating to that external situation.  While I am not prone to quoting Shakespeare, Hamlet said “things are neither good nor bad, but thinking makes them so.”  From its own side, our external situation is neutral (really, it is nothing, but go with me here…).  Even scientists agree that it is just a bunch of floating electrons, protons and neutrons.  It is what we think about the environment that makes it good or bad.  If we have a problem with how the atomic particles (or more accurately karmic appearances) are organized, where does the problem come from?  It comes from our mind.  Our own mind is the creator of all of our own problems.  All of our problems are self-inflicted.

But this is actually a very liberating thought.  If my mind creates all of my own problems, then it means if I change my mind I can eliminate all of my ‘problems.’  So how can we change our mind?  Instead of asking ourself how we need to change our external environment, we should ask ourselves “How can I use this situation to change myself (to become a better person)?”  We all know we need to become more generous, more helpful towards others, more virtuous, more patient, etc.  Each situation we confront is an opportunity to do exactly that.  The practical essence of the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life is to use every situation as an opportunity to become a better person.

If we can do so, of course, we should also seek to fix our external environment and to solve our external problems.  But in all difficult situations we find ourselves in, we can always find the right path by simply reminding ourselves to “change yourself, not your environment.”

Your turn:  What externally are you trying to change now?  How can you change yourself instead to solve your “inner problem?”