During and around the Summer Festival last year, I had many dreams where I was at festivals and the attendance was way down. I would either cry about not being there, cry about how the NKT was dying, I would dream of VGL crying about these things. I don’t know whether to interpret this as it appeared or as if the NKT is dying because I am allowing the Dharma to die in my own mind. I remember when I had my vivid dreams about Manjushri being overrun, one of the conclusions I came to was as long as I keep the Dharma alive in my own mind, I keep it alive in this world; and that as the Dharma flourishes in my own mind, it will flourish in the world. So if the Dharma is appearing to my mind to be fading in this world, perhaps it is because it is fading in my own mind. Having no access to centers, sangha, etc., it is very difficult to keep things flourishing within my own mind, but this is my challenge. I need to take inspiration from rhinocesourus like solitary realizers who spend their whole life practicing in an isolated way, but keep things growing and moving forward. I think central to this is to always maintain the mind of retreat. I am on retreat right now, a special kind of retreat. If I maintain the mind of retreat, this will be my experience. If I lose this mind, then I won’t be and things will gradually slip.
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Kadampa Working Dad 
Welcome. The solitude of realizing one’s samsara is profound. Frightening but liberating.
There are no other practitioners,
like you.
You have the biggest job,
ever.
There is no way back,
now,
since you already know,
what must be done.
Big responsibility.
You only ever,
teach yourself.
You only ever,
liberate yourself.
You only ever,
flourish dharma,
in your body of truth/truth body,
that is perceived as your world.
Our familiy and close friends,
are the real Dharma protectors,
Not a chore or burden.
They are the future,
Sangha of our home,
which is a teaching Stupa.
We don’t see this now.
In time, however, this will come around.
Take a rest,
cherish those closest to you,
Dharma flouirshes naturally,
it will illuminate.
You are not alone.
This is a very touching poem. Thank you for that!
Hi Ryan,
maybe you could still try to get to one or two activities a year where you connect again in the flesh with the Sangha ? I know you are extremely busy, so maybe it could be just one or two short weekends ??
PS attendance was actually very high last year for the summer festival, approx 3000 people.
Dragpa
Don’t worry – be happy!