Many Dharma practitioners prefer their alone time to being with other people. We may even rationalize this with the teachings from Shantideva in Chapter 8 about the glories of being alone and the futility of dealing with the childish.

But this can also be a form of running away from others because, frankly, it can be tiring to be around deluded and needy people who only see faults in us anyways. This is just another form of attachment, aversion, and self-cherishing.

So how do we get it right? The test is what is best for all living beings. Sometimes it’s best for others to be directly with them, cherishing them, training in patience with them, overcoming the delusions we generate towards them, etc. Sometimes we can help them more by being away on retreat or quasi-retreat-like conditions. Sometimes the best way to help them is to not help them directly so they learn how to do things themselves. Theoretically, of course, Shantideva is right – we can help people more by attaining enlightenment as swiftly as possible for them, and retreat-like conditions are often the best way to do that. One way or the other, our motivation needs to be what is best for all living beings, and more profoundly, what is best for our swiftest possible enlightenment for their sake.

How then can we know if being directly with others or being alone is best, even if our motivation is this correct bodhichitta?

At one level, we just have to be honest with ourselves and examine our real motivations. Are we driven by a desire to get away from them? Are we using our time alone for deeper spiritual training? Are we really motivated by bodhichitta or are we just using the Dharma to rationalize what our delusions want? If we find ourselves falling short on our motivation, we can do the inner work to make our motivation more authentic and heartfelt. Perhaps that is why we are alone – to get past the intellectual and have the time to learn to make it genuinely heartfelt.

At another level, we actually don’t have a clue what is best for all living beings. But fortunately, we know a Buddha who does – Dorje Shugden. We can, with the most sincere bodhichitta motivation we can generate, request him to reveal to us and arrange whatever is best. If it is best for me to continue to have alone conditions, then please reveal to me why and keep them going. If it is best for me to be with others, cherish them directly, and train my mind in that context, then please reveal that to me and arrange the conditions for that to happen. Then, we accept whatever subsequently arises as what he is arranging for us. We need to continue to do this on a fairly regular basis because karma shifts and we need to be prepared to shift with it.

If we have faith in Dorje Shugden and our motivation is genuinely to do what is best for others, then we will be able to happily shift between times where we are with others and times when we are alone. We will understand this as basically like our spiritual high intensity interval training. The sign we have it right is we have genuine equanimity towards the two possibilities, seeing them both as equally good just in different ways, and trusting that Dorje Shugden is giving us exactly what we need.

Then, no problems.