A Mahayanist should not needlessly diminish his or her capacity to help others by shunning wealth, reputation, or involvement with other people.  If we do this without a special altruistic motivation, we incur a secondary downfall.  This also advises that if we have a bodhichitta motivation we can use these things providing we use them solely to bring increased benefit to sentient beings.

I think this vow is very important for the future of the tradition in this world.  Geshe-la has made it clear that the main mission of the tradition at this time is to attain the union of Kadam Dharma and modern life.  Geshe-la has passed on to us the complete Kadam Dharma and he has re-presented it in a way that is optimally suited to integrate it into modern life.  Now it is our turn.  If we are to carry the lineage forward into future generations, we need to complete the task he has given us – namely attaining this union.  He gave us the Dharma, we already have modern lives, now what we need to do is attain the union of the two.  This union is what we are to pass on to the next generation of Kadampas.  There is nothing more important we can do with our life than this.

The development of the tradition takes place on two different, non-contradictory and mutually reinforcing planes:  namely, internally and externally.  Historically, this tradition has been a monastic one.  In the East, there is a strong grasping at a difference between one’s spiritual life and one’s worldly life.  There is a strong grasping at normal life as being somehow inherently worldly and therefore if we wish to live a spiritual life, we need to abandon normal life and society and join a monastery, etc.  The residual of this cultural legacy came to the West when the Dharma came.  As a result, Western practitioners have likewise struggled with this apparent tension.  We too tend to view our jobs, our families, and our modern problems as somehow obstacles to our spiritual life and we develop aversion to them and attachment to some fantasy of somehow “escaping from it all” and living a quiet life of contemplation in some comfy corner of nowhere.  Or we fantasize about moving into some Dharma center and spending our day and night doing pujas and giving Dharma teachings.  The more we grasp at such visions, the more we start to view everything in our modern life that prevents us from living such a life as “obstacles to our practice.”  We then grow increasingly unhappy, tension builds, we start having more conflict with our families about our practice, etc.

There is sometimes a pride that develops in some Dharma practitioners who do live the more traditional Dharma life thinking that those who do not do so are somehow inferior or less serious about their practice.  Such practitioners think they are the real tradition, the real practitioners, and the only reason why people live a different mode of life is because they are too attached to samsara to let go of it, etc.  Such practitioners then unskillfully make others feel like they are somehow doing something wrong if they live a normal modern life, if they don’t make it to every festival, etc.  

Or, we think that the only way to practice Dharma is by doing the above things, we realize that we can’t (or don’t want to) live such a life, so we never fully commit to the Dharma.  It remains a background hobby, or something we turn to occasionally when our life is particularly difficult.  We can sometimes think being a Kadampa is an all or nothing venture, and since I can’t do it all, I will do nothing (or next to nothing).  So there winds up being this big chasm between those who are “in” and those who are “out.”  Those who are “in” judge those who are “out” as somehow being impure, as not real Kadampas, etc.  Those who are “out” judge those who are “in” as being crazed, or they think those who are “in” are only in because they couldn’t succeed in the real world and so they have run away, and they are in fact just a bunch of losers. 

All the above completely wrong attitudes and problems have a common origin:  namely grasping at some sort of inherent duality between modern life and the Kadam Dharma.  Realizing the union of modern life and the Kadam Dharma will solve all these problems, naturally and effortlessly.  When these problems are solved, then there is literally nothing stopping the Kadam Dharma from flourishing like a wild fire in the modern world.  The modern world is thirsting for the answers the Kadam Dharma provides.  The time is ripe, and unfortunately it is our own grasping at a duality between modern life and the Kadam Dharma that is the biggest obstacle to it flourishing in this way.

Of course, the real flourishing of the tradition cannot be measured by the number of temples and external manifestations.  We could be materially rich but spiritually bankrupt.  The internal development of the tradition is the primary development of the tradition and our real goal, but this requires external development as well.  External development supports internal development, and internal development motivates external development. 

Things like money, resources, power, a good reputation, fame, and extensive personal relationships are all, in and of themselves, neutral.  They are tools, nothing more.  It is our motivation that determines their value.  If we want these things for virtuous reasons, they are positive tools; if we want these things for deluded reasons, they are negative tools.  If we have the karma to have a lot of money, power, reputation, etc., and we shun it because we ignorantly grasp at these things as being somehow inherently worldly, we deny ourselves the ability to use these tools for virtuous purposes.  Of course we shouldn’t pursue these things at the expense of internal development, but we can unashamedly pursue these things if by doing so we can then use them for good purposes. 

Additionally, if we let go of grasping at these things as being somehow inherently worldly, then we help the people of this modern world let go of their own wrong understandings that they have to abandon these things if they want to live a spiritual life.  They can keep their entirely modern life with all its external manifestations and still be a 100% pure Kadampa, viewing every moment as part of their spiritual training.  The only thing we need to give up to become a Kadampa is our delusions and contaminated karma.  They are the only objects of abandonment.

In particular, what is most important is the nexus of personal relationships we have with other living beings.  Gen Tharchin tells the story of how when he was on long retreat, towards the end he was feeling like he was very close to attaining enlightenment.  He went to Venerable Geshe-la and he said, “if I stay on retreat just a little bit longer, I think I can complete the path.”  Much to Gen Tharchin’s surprise, Geshe-la then said, “then it is time for you to end your retreat.  It is true, if you stay up here, you will likely soon attain enlightenment, but if you do you will be a ‘worthless Buddha’ because you will not have any karmic connections with living beings.”  He then set Tharchin loose on the world.  He went to Canada where he formed a cadre of some of the greatest teachers in the tradition today, they have then gone out into the world and founded and made flourish centers throughout the world.  He then was sent back to Tharpaland where he established a model for what it means to have a Kadampa retreat center.  The people of Tharpaland were then fanned out to the retreat centers around the world where they are spreading his model.  Gen Tharchin’s example and teachings have touched almost all us, either directly or indirectly through one of his students.  Tharchin at one point said his biggest desire is to be reborn in a hell realm.  When asked why, he said, “because that is where all the living beings are.”  I bow down.

Each one of us has a different set of karmic connections with living beings.  Collectively, though, we touch almost the entire world.  We know people who know people who know people, and our every action ripples through humanity on the ocean of the karmic web of our relationships.  Just as we need wealth, power and resources, we likewise especially need vast karmic relationships which will serve as karmic conduits through which the blessings of the Buddhas, the wisdom of the teachings and the purity of our example may reach every corner of the world.  This is our mission.

Downfalls that obstruct the perfection of moral discipline

Forsaking those who have broken their moral discipline. 

We incur a secondary downfall if we ignore with a judgmental or self-righteous attitude those who have broken their moral discipline.  This also advises that we should keep the intention to help all living beings, including those who have broken their moral discipline.

This is something we do all the time.  We judge people for their shortcomings and for their failings.  Who amongst us has not fallen short?  Who amongst us has never fallen flat on their face?  Yet when we see others do the same we judge and condemn them.  We lose all respect for them and start taking our distance from them.  Somebody who has broken their moral discipline did so either out of ignorance or out of a lack of strength, but either way they are an object of compassion and understanding, not contempt and judgment. 

Not acting in ways that cause others to generate faith. 

To help others effectively it is necessary to conduct ourselves in a way that causes them to develop confidence in us.  If we fail to do this but retain bad habits that are likely to attract criticism, we incur a secondary downfall.  This also advises us to keep pure moral discipline to show a good example to others so as to increase others’ faith in us.

The reality is this:  our words only count for about 10-20% of what we communicate, our actions and behavior are the rest.  We could have the most pure speech alive, but if our actions are not consistent with our speech, it will have no power.  People have more confidence in somebody who is negative but doesn’t pretend to be otherwise than they do somebody with pure speech but is a hypocrite.  We could say nothing at all, but if our actions were pure and consistent with the Dharma, our simple living would be a powerful teaching to all who know us.  At the end of the day, it is our example more than anything else that matters.  So we need to be mindful of how others perceive us. 

This doesn’t mean we need to be fake about it, pretending to be somebody we are not.  Kadam Morten said there are two types of master, the one who shows the final result and the one who shows the example of getting there.  And in the end, he said, the latter is the more beneficial.  It is much more beneficial to others for us to “keep it real” in our example than try to pretentiously carry ourselves off as some holy being.  Nobody is better at this than Gen-la Khyenrab.  There is absolutely nothing pretentious about him, yet there is no denying his deep experience and understanding of the Dharma.  It is because he is just an “everyday” sort of guy that is the demonstration of his greatness.  He is completely approachable, down to earth, humble and friendly, yet at the same time unbelievably wise and realized.  He just cuts through the crap like nobody else.  All we need do is be ourselves – a practitioner doing their best to put the instructions into practice, while making mistakes and learning from them.  This is the best example.  Not some pious, uptight, phony. 

Not accepting gifts. 

If we are given gifts and, without a good reason, we refuse them merely out of pride, anger, or laziness we incur a secondary downfall.  This also advises that we should use gifts from others in the most meaningful way.

Again, I have really struggled with this one.  I like giving gifts, but I frankly really don’t like it when others give me gifts.  Gifts are not just presents, but also it can be people doing favors for us.  As a general rule, I never ask others for favors unless I absolutely have to.  In all my relationships I like to make sure I have always done significantly more favors for others than they have done for me.  I really dislike feeling like I owe others something or I am indebted to them in some way.  But sometimes this behavior can be taken to an extreme.  Others want to help out and they want to repay some of my past favors and to deny them the opportunity to do so is to deny them the opportunity to engage in virtue themselves. 

Likewise, there are some people – myself included – who are too proud to accept the help of others.  Sometimes we need help to get out of a situation we are in.  If due to our pride we fail to reach out to others for help when we need it, who are we helping?  We are unnecessarily bad off, and sometimes we can be in over our head and our situation can become much worse.  When that happens, we then have to ask people for help, but now we are asking for much more.  We shouldn’t be like this.  Likewise, by seeking help from others we can sometimes accomplish much more than if we do everything ourselves, and so therefore we can help even more people.  So in an effort to accomplish great things, we ask for help from others.

I think a good middle way here is a 3 to 1 or a 4 to 1 ratio.  We help others 3 or 4 times for every one time we ask something of them.  This keeps us on the side of giving more than we take but still we give others a chance to give back and seek out help when we could really need it.  There is nothing cosmically true about this ratio, rather it is just what seems to work for me in my life.

Not giving Dharma to those who desire it. 

If someone with a sincere desire to practice Dharma requests us to teach them, and without a good reason, we refuse merely out of laziness we incur a secondary downfall.  Valid reasons for not teaching include:  we do not know the subject well enough, it is not suitable to teach them, others will be unhappy, we are ill, we do not have the free time, and so on.  This also advises us that whenever we have a chance we should try to eliminate the darkness of ignorance from the minds of others by giving Dharma teachings.

Just as the greatest offering we can make to the Buddhas is our own practice of Dharma, so too the greatest act of giving we can perform is giving Dharma.  Why?  Ordinary gifts can at best help people in this life, but the gift of Dharma helps people in all their future lives.

Giving Dharma doesn’t just mean giving formal Dharma teachings or using a lot of Dharma jargon when we talk to people.  Giving Dharma means understanding what is mentally ailing somebody else and giving them a wiser perspective on their situation.  It is giving them a new way of looking at things so that instead of their situation being a problem for them, it becomes an opportunity to grow or learn.  We don’t need Dharma words to do this, and in fact in most situations Dharma words actually get in the way.  We should try use normal, everyday speech that everyone knows and understands.  With our Dharma friends, our Dharma words are like a shorthand for quickly getting to the meaning we want to refer to, but as a general rule we should speak with others completely normally.  We all know people who come across like they are a religious fanatic or somebody who is brainwashed.  We usually reject them and everything they have to say.  Part of modern skillful means is learning how to transmit Dharma meanings using normal modern words and references.

If we do have the opportunity to give formal teachings, we should most definitely do so.  If we look at things from a karmic perspective, there really is no higher job than that of a Dharma teacher.  Sure, the external rewards are virtually non-existent, but the internal rewards are eternally flowing.  Every time you help somebody else understand the Dharma, you create the cause for somebody else to help you easily understand the Dharma in the future.  We all know those people who the Dharma just comes easily to, and they almost instinctively understand at a very deep level everything they are being taught.  Why is this?  Because in the past they used to be Dharma teachers and they helped others understand the Dharma. 

Ultimately, there is nothing to do in this world other than wake up.  If we have wisdom, we will realize there is no point in pursuing any other goal.  This does not mean we need to abandon our jobs and families, rather it means we need to view our jobs and family time primarily through the lens of the opportunities these activities afford us to train our mind in virtue.  Every external resource we have finds its meaning when used for the sake of realizations, either of ourself or of others.  This does not mean just Dharma realizations as gained through a formal Dharma class, but instead can take the form of learning about training through piano lessons, learning about overcoming discouragement when learning a hard language like Chinese, gaining skillful means when dealing with problematic co-workers etc.  On the outside, these may not appear to be Dharma classes, but for the modern Kadampa every day is a class.

Not replying to others

If someone greets us in a friendly and courteous manner, and without a good reason, we give no reply we incur a secondary downfall.  This also advises us to try make others’ minds happy by giving them answers and advice.

Why do we need to do this?  The answer is obvious.  When we say hi to somebody and they ignore us, how do we feel?  What do we think about the other person?  We don’t want to make others feel this way.  While of course the minimum is to return the basic level of cultural politeness, as Bodhisattvas, we need to go one step further – we need to be genuinely delighted to see the other person.

It suffices to watch 5 year olds on a playground to know and appreciate the difference.  When they see one of their friends, their faces light up with delight.  This then makes the friend likewise light up and everyone is very happy.  How good does it make us feel when we haven’t seen somebody we really like in a long time and when we see them they are really happy to see us – their face lights up like a child on a playground.  It makes us feel warm and loved inside.  This is how we need to make others feel with our own reaction to seeing them.  The sun warms all around, and in the same way the Bodhisattva warms the heart of all around with their delight at seeing people.

Now of course we can’t be over the top with this and act in conventionally strange ways.  We need to calibrate the intensity of our outward expression of delight to not go outside normal cultural conventions or to make the other person feel uncomfortable, but we should be like the sun. 

Not accepting invitations. 

If someone with a good motivation invites us to do something and without a good reason we decline merely out of pride, laziness, or anger, we incur a secondary downfall.  Valid reasons for declining are we are sick, do not have the time, it would make others unhappy, or it would be a danger to our Dharma practice.

To be honest, I have struggled with this one over the years.  I usually want to do my own thing.  I have my own plans and my own projects, and I work so hard both at work and at home that I frankly don’t usually want to go over to friend’s houses, etc.  I would just as soon stay at home and relax.  I also generally am not too fond of the normal banter and chit chat of social gatherings, finding it to be largely meaningless and a waste of time.  There have been many times when I have received invitations and my own selfish instinct is to say I am busy and I can’t go, but then I remember this vow and force myself to go. 

When I go, I am forced to confront all sorts of delusions in my mind.  First, I must overcome the selfishness of not being able to do what I want to do.  Second, I must learn to overcome my tendency to just sit in the corner and not engage with anybody else, but instead to go out and connect with people.  Third, I have to get over my Dharma snobbery thinking everything others have to say is meaningless.  What nonsense!  Everyone is a living being with a story.  Everyone has their troubles and their wisdoms.  Each new person is really like a nicely wrapped Christmas present and you don’t know what you will find inside until you ask them about their lives, being interested in who they are, etc.  Everyone has a lifetime worth of acquired wisdom and they are usually happy to share it with me if only I bother to ask and learn.  Fourth, one of the most important skills of a Bodhisattva is the ability to actively listen to others.  Gen Tharchin is the master at this.  There have been many meetings I have had with him where, in the end, he said almost nothing – but the way he listened itself answered all my questions for me as I told my story, etc. 

Professionally, I am a diplomat, so a big part of my job is – frankly – making friends with other people.  It is not just making friends for the sake of making friends, but finding out what everyone is doing and seeing if there are opportunities to collaborate on common projects, etc.  Sometimes I will encounter people who are vehemently opposed to something the U.S. government is doing or even people who are spying on me trying to figure things out.  Each person I meet is like a mirror revealing to me some weakness in myself, and by learning to get along with the person I have the opportunity to correct for that weakness.  It is only by breaking out of our safe cocoon and accepting the invitations we receive that we can do so.  You never know who you will meet or where that encounter may lead!

That being said, there is also nothing wrong with us choosing to stay in and not go out if we need to rest and recharge our batteries.  This vow should not drive us to burnout and it needs to be practiced in the context of maintaining our overall health, energy, and capacity.  Whether we go or don’t go isn’t as important as making whatever choices we do make with wisdom.

This downfall is fairly self-explanatory.  This also advises us show respect for senior Bodhisattva Sangha in order to increase our merit.

What does it mean to be disrespectful?  We can just ask ourselves how we behave when we are with the important people in our life.  If we met the President or the Queen or Geshe-la, how would we behave?  How would we not behave?  It is the same with everybody else we meet.  We don’t know who has or who has not taken Bodhisattva vows, so just to be safe we should be respectful towards everyone.  Being respectful does not mean being uptight, intimidated, and unnatural.  Part of being respectful is being relaxed around others.  But certainly being respectful includes listening attentively to what they say, not criticizing others, not undermining them, not making them feel bad, marginalizing them, excluding them or ignoring them.  It means not being frustrated with them, etc. 

When we are with somebody who we know has already taken bodhisattva vows, we need to be particularly respectful.  This is very important.  The reality is in this world, most communities have dysfunctional dynamics between the members of that community.  This is not surprising because if we have deluded minds and behavior, we will bring them into the communities we belong to.  But a Sangha community needs to be different.  We may still act in deluded ways towards each other, but we will also accept each other, forgive each other, and remain loyal to each other.  We may create silly dramas, but afterwards we will have a good laugh with each other about how stupid we were acting.  If we can’t learn how to get along with our Sangha friends, who are all like us trying to cherish others, what chance do we have of getting along with other non-Sangha people in this world?  With our Sangha we learn how to have healthy relationships, and then we use those relationships as models of how we should be with everyone else. 

This does not mean that in a Dharma community everyone needs to pretend to get along and avoid rocking the boat.  That won’t work since it will just lead to repression and superficial relationships.  Conflicts will arise, problems will arise.  This is normal.  What distinguishes a spiritual community from a non-spiritual one is how those conflicts and problems are resolved.  Geshe-la explained in Kadampa communities we need to have open and frank conversations with others while accepting defeat and offering the victory.  How do we do this?  If there is somebody who we have a problem with, we can approach them saying, “I know this is my problem since it is my delusions, etc., but when you do X, it generates Y delusion in me.  This is something I need to work on, I know.  It would help me to do so if I understood your perspective on your actions.  Perhaps there is something I am not understanding correctly, and if I did, I would no longer have a problem with this.”  If we approach people in this way, we are not running away pretending that everything is OK when it is not, but at the same time we are not accusing the other person but instead taking full responsibility for our own feelings and delusions in the matter.  If we approach people in this way, either the other person will clarify their perspective on the matter and that will pacify our mind or the other person will realize their errors and change.  Either way, everybody is better off.  If they get angry and defensive, you can say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come across as an attack.  Again, as I said, this is my problem.”  But most people are reasonable, and if you approach them in a reasonable, non-threatening way, they will likewise respond favorably to your efforts.

Whenever we enjoy worldly pleasures, we should do so with a bodhichitta motivation.  If we fail to do this and indulge in them out of attachment or discontent we incur a secondary downfall.  This vow also advises us to transform our daily activities into the Bodhisattva’s way of life by continually maintaining a bodhichitta motivation.

What are worldly pleasures?  From an external point of view, they are quite simply all the things we normally do to enjoy ourselves, such as go out to restaurants, see movies, hang out with friends, go on vacation to exotic and beautiful places, etc.  It also includes things like alcohol, sex, etc.  With the possible exception of drinking alcohol, which if we have taken Pratimoksha vows is considered a downfall, none of these so-called worldly pleasures in and of themselves are a problem.  The essential function of Kadampa Buddhism is to attain the union of the Kadam Dharma and modern life.  All these things are entirely normal parts of modern life.  So we do not need to abandon them, nor do we need to stop enjoying them.  What needs to change – the only thing that needs to change – is the mind with which we enjoy them.  In simple terms, we need to try enjoy these things for spiritual reasons, not attachment thinking these things, in and of themselves, are causes of our happiness.  In French we say, “prendre plaisir sans saisir,” which basically means take pleasure without grasping at it.

So what are some spiritual ways to enjoy modern enjoyments?  Venerable Tharchin explains that ultimately the key question for any enjoyment is whether or not we are imputing “mine” on it.  If we are, we are burning up our merit.  If we are imputing “others” onto it, then we will accumulate merit.  The easiest way of doing so is to imagine that we have a Buddha at our heart and as we partake of the enjoyment we are actually offering it to the Buddha at our heart.  It simply passes through us on route to the Buddha.  If we enjoy things in this way, instead of burning up our merit from our enjoyments we will accumulate even more merit.  Likewise, whenever we enjoy things we can do so with others and we can offer the activity to them.  For example, when I go out to a restaurant with my wife, I can think I am offering her a meal.  Or I am taking my kids to a movie, or taking my family on a vacation.  I am doing these things for them, and I am just going along to help them have a good time. 

We can likewise view many of our enjoyable activities as opportunities to learn something.  When we go for a walk in the park, we see all sorts of different things – couples fighting, parents struggling with their kids, homeless people, drunk people, whatever.  Each one of these things is teaching us some aspect of the Dharma.  What we see on TV can teach us all sorts of Dharma lessons.  Our ability to extract Dharma lessons from our daily appearances primarily depends on two things.  First, it depends on us actually looking for Dharma lessons in everything we encounter.  If we are looking for spiritual meaning, it is not hard to find it.  If we are not even looking, it is almost impossible to find any.  Second, it depends upon us receiving blessings.  Ultimately, any Dharma understanding we gain depends upon us receiving blessings from the holy beings.  They bless our mind, activating certain karmic seeds on our mind which ripen in the form of some new spiritual understanding.  To receive blessings through everything we merely need to view everything as in fact emanated by our Spiritual Guide.  If we view everything as emanated, we will receive blessings through everything, and everything will teach us the Dharma.  In this way, we can go anywhere, do anything and none of it will be indulging in worldly enjoyments out of attachment, rather it will be us enjoying our modern life in a Kadampa way – a true uniting of the Kadam Dharma and modern life.