Happy Protector Day: May the Doctrine of Losang Dragpa Flourish Forevermore

The 29th of every month is Protector Day.  This is the last part of a 12-part series aimed at helping us remember our Dharma Protector Dorje Shugden and increase our faith in him on these special days.

The most effective way of increasing the power of our reliance is to engage in sincere dedication prayers.  When we dedicate the merit we have accumulated it is like putting our spiritual savings in the bank where they can never be destroyed and they can earn spiritual interest.  Each sadhana has a different dedication prayer which summarizes the main function of the spiritual practice.  In the case or Dorje Shugden, the dedication prayers are as follows:

By this virtue may I quickly
Attain the enlightened state of the Guru,
And then lead every living being
Without exception to that ground.

This is the first effect of this practice.  This is the explicit strategy of Je Tsongkhapa’s tradition for emptying samsara.  Je Tsongkhapa is a spiritual guide who trains others to also become spiritual guides.  These new spiritual guides then train others still and so on.  In this way, generation after generation, the beneficial effects of Je Tsongkhapa’s deeds continue forever.  This is the “great wave of Je Tsongkhapa’s deeds.” 

The person who got me into spirituality was a close friend in college.  He opened the door for me and encouraged me to step through.  After several years of practicing, I thought back to the fact that without the kindness and encouragement of this one friend I would not have a spiritual life at all.  When I later saw him, I asked him, “how can I pay you back?”  His answer was a very powerful teaching:  he said, “do the same for others.  And when others ask you how they can pay you back, give them the same answer.  In this way, the kindness keeps going forever.”  Venerable Tharchin says that the highest spiritual goal to aspire to is to take our place in the lineage.  At some point, we will be the lineage guru whose responsibility it is to carry forward the lineage.  We must prepare ourselves for that responsibility in much the same way people prepare themselves for big missions or assignments.

Through my virtues from practising with pure motivation,
May all living beings throughout all their lives
Never be parted from peaceful and wrathful Manjushri,
But always come under their care.

This is the second effect of this practice.  If beings are never separated from peaceful and wrathful Manjushri, in other words Je Tsongkhapa and Dorje Shugden, then their enlightenment is just a question of time.

The following two verses, known as the Prayers for the Virtuous Traditon, were actually written by a previous incarnation of Dorje Shugden, and we recite them after every practice. 

So that the tradition of Je Tsongkhapa,
The King of the Dharma, may flourish,
May all obstacles be pacified
And may all favourable conditions abound.

This should be fairly self-explanatory by now.  It is the essential meaning of the entire Dorje Shugden part.

Through the two collections of myself and others
Gathered throughout the three times,
May the doctrine of Conqueror Losang Dragpa
Flourish for evermore.

The two collections are the collections of merit and wisdom, and the three times are the past, present and future.  In other words, we mentally invest all of the merit every accumulated into the flourishing of Je Tsongkhapa’s Dharma (Losang Dragpa is another name for Je Tsongkhapa). 

To summarize, the practice of Dorje Shugden can be reduced to the following:

  1. We renew our motivation as a spiritual being – we realize that the only thing that matters is the causes we create because they are the only things we can take with us.
  2. We request with infinite faith that Dorje Shugden provide us with perfect conditions for our swiftest possible enlightenment.
  3. We then accept with infinite faith that whatever subsequently arises is the perfect conditions for our practice that we requested.
  4. We then practice in these conditions to the best of our ability.  It doesn’t matter what appears, what matters is how we respond.  So we try to respond well.

If we do these four things, I guarrantee that we will be gradually lead to enlightenment.  It will just be a question of time.

There is much much more to say about the practice of Heart Jewel, but I wanted to keep things simple.  I strongly encourage everyone to read again and again the book Heart Jewel, which Geshe-la has said is his most important book.  We should also take advantage of the opportunity to speak with some senior practitioners about how to establish a daily practice and we should request teachings and empowerments on this practice from our local teacher.

I dedicate any merit I accumulated from doing this series of posts so that every living being joyfully establishes a daily practice of Dorje Shugden.  I pray that everything that happens to every living being is perfect for their swiftest possible enlightenment.  I request the wisdom to be able to understand how whatever happens to anybody is perfect for their enlightenment and I request that all of the conditions be arranged for me to share this perspective with others in a way that they can accept it.  In this way, we can all happily accept everything that happens in our life and swiftly make progress to enlightenment.  OM VAJRA WIKI WITRANA SOHA!

Vows, commitments, and modern life:  Give, give, give

Not giving wealth or Dharma

In this post I will discuss not giving wealth, and in the next post I will discuss not giving Dharma.

This vow says if someone asks for material or spiritual help, and we are in a position to oblige but, out of miserliness, refuse we incur a root downfall.  When Geshe-la would send Gen-la Losang to India to learn something, he would always give him some money so that he could give it to the beggars.  I try remind myself of this when I walk along the street and see beggars myself. 

There have been many studies which have shown that American social attitudes towards poverty are quite different than they are in Europe.  In the U.S., the attitude is very simple to understand:  it’s all the poor person’s fault.  Americans reason, “they are lazy or they made stupid choices and so now they must suffer the consequences.  If I help them out, I am not actually helping them, rather I am creating incentives for them to continue to be lazy and make bad choices.  Let their suffering be the encouragement they need to get to work and make different choices.”  There are, of course, people in Europe who think in similar ways.  The point is such thinking is a major obstacle to our practicing the perfection of giving and this mentality is likewise a major contributor to our incurring this downfall the bodhisattva vows.

My father, when I was growing up, would always tell the story of “give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for life.”  There are three problems with this argument.  First, usually the people who say it also don’t teach the man how to fish.  They instead do nothing but make this statement.  Second, if the man dies of starvation before he learns how to fish, then it won’t work.  And third, this argument presupposes that work is available for all those who are willing to take it.  Since I am an Economist by training, I want to just say a few words about this last point because it is something many many people believe, and based upon this wrong understanding of Economics, we use that as ipso facto proof for our original hypothesis that the only reason why the person is poor is because of their own bad choices.  On the basis of this conclusion, we feel justified in not giving. 

Why is this wrong?  There is a fundamental axiom of macroeconomics which most people don’t understand, and it is this:  your spending is my income and my spending is your income.  When a recession hits, like the one after the 2008 financial crisis, then people spend much less.  When they spend less, they buy less things and so the people who sell things lose their jobs.  But who are these people who sell things?  It is all us.  We each are contributing in some way to the economy (selling something, usually our services) and we are all buying in some way.  If everybody starts spending less, then thousands and indeed millions of jobs simply disappear.  People who were working can no longer find work, even though they very much want to work.  It is not these people’s fault that the economy slipped into recession, but they suffer the consequences nonetheless.  People who were living just above the poverty line suddenly find themselves below it, people who were barely off of the streets suddenly find themselves homeless.  And generally speaking, the first jobs to go are those held by the people who are most economically vulnerable.  In Europe, there is a safety net, but in America there is basically none.  Whole families can find themselves on the street, met by a country that blames them and shuns them.  They then feel helpless and desperate, turn to crime or drugs, and then get blamed for that too.  If we understand that the business cycle is no different than the weather (though more unpredictable), we realize there is a growing season and there is a dying season, and sometimes there is a dark, cold winter.  We can hardly blame the most vulnerable in our society for an economic cycle completely beyond their control. 

So the answer to my father’s parable is simple:  teach a man to fish, and while he is learning, feed him a fish.  In other words, give.  Now it is true that we need to be skillful that we don’t make our giving create a dependency.  There is some truth to the argument above, and unskillful giving can lead to the problems the critics cite.  But just because giving can be done unskillfully does not mean we shouldn’t still strive to give to others in skillful ways.  Again, teach the man to fish, and while he is learning, feed him a fish. 

Why are there some unbelievably rich people in the world?  The reason is because these people have given a lot in the past and that karma is ripening now.  It is no coincidence that two of the most famous rich people, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, are as rich as they are.  Both of them basically give away all the wealth that they make.  Why are they rich now?  Because they gave before.  Why will they be rich again in their future lives?  Because they are giving now.  Those who are rich and not giving will know terrible poverty in the future.  Those who are poor now but give extensively from what little they have will be incredibly rich in the future.  I know somebody who is quite rich and gives in absolute terms quite generously, but in percentage terms they give almost nothing.  I know somebody else who has almost nothing and gives in absolute terms very little, but in percentage terms they give a tremendous amount.  Our karma doesn’t care about the absolute value of our giving, it responds only to the percentage of our giving.  There is no doubt who is karmically speaking giving more, and who will enjoy such fruits in the future. 

One of my teachers once provocatively said, “when you give, you should give so much it hurts.”  Some might call this extreme, but I call it wise.   How can we do this without falling into an extreme?  Gen Tharchin explains that having control over and possession of material things is irrelevant.  The question is whether we impute “mine” on any of them.  If we do, then our control over or possession of these things will burn up our merit like a blazing karmic bon fire.  If instead we impute “others’ things” onto the things we have control over or possession of, we will accumulate merit as vast as space.  In other words, we can mentally give away everything we have to others by simply changing our imputation regarding our possessions, namely we think they now belong to all others.  This will change our relationship with everything we have in our life.  Some things we will realize we have no valid reason to hold on to and we will see how others can better use out of these things than we can, so we actually physically give them away.  Some things we will see we need for our basic survival, but we consume these things to keep us alive and healthy so that we have the strength to be of service to others.  Some other things we will see how by us keeping them now we will be able to give even more to others in the future, and so out of a wish to do so we will maintain control over the thing.  Some other things we will have to change our reasons for doing them or buying them so that we are doing it for the sake of others.  There will be some things for which we are very attached and it will be hard to even mentally impute “others’ things” onto them.  There, we have to do some work.

But the point is, there is nothing we can’t at least mentally give away today.  My house, I mentally give to my family.  My money, I mentally give to the store owners when I buy things.  My body, I can give it to my employer 10 hours a day, to my kids several hours a day, and to all living beings when I engage in Dharma practices.  My mind, I can give it to the beneficiaries of my every action.  My time, I can give it to those I serve.  When I take the time to learn new things, I am giving my time to all those in the future I will help with my newly acquired skills and knowledge.  Any power we might have, we can give it to those we can protect with it.  If we never impute “mine” on anything under our control, we can be phenomenally wealthy and powerful and yet still be only giving.  In fact, our becoming richer and our becoming more generous become exactly the same wish and exactly the same action.

Vows, commitments, and modern life:  Don’t praise yourself and scorn others

The Bodhisattva vows include extensive advice on how we should conduct our daily lives by transforming all our actions into the Bodhisattvas way of life.  By putting them into practice we shall gradually complete the Bodhisattva’s training and eventually attain the supreme bliss of Buddhahood.

Just as the refuge vows primarily function to maintain the uninterrupted continuum of our Buddhist practice between now and when we attain enlightenment, and the pratimoksha vows primarily function to maintain the uninterrupted continuum of our path to liberation, so too our practice of the Bodhisattva vows creates the karma to enable us to maintain an uninterrupted continuum of our Mahayana path between now and our eventual enlightenment.  In other words, we create the causes to again and again refind a pure Mahayana path without interruption until we attain the final goal.  If we have wisdom, we realize the biggest thing we should fear it not non-virtue and delusion (though those are terribly scary), but our biggest fear should be the fear of losing the path.  If we keep refinding the path in life after life, we can gradually purify all our negativities.  But if we don’t refind the path, we will be lost for what could be incalculably long periods of time where our suffering will know no bounds.  If we genuinely fear this, we will realize just how precious our vows are, and how precious our Bodhisattva vows are in particular. 

If we incur a root downfall we actually break our Bodhisattva vows.  To incur a root downfall (except for the 9th and 18th) four binding factors must be present:

  1. Not regarding the action as wrong
  2. Not wishing to abstain from the action in the future
  3. Rejoicing in the action
  4. Having no sense of shame or consideration for others.

Praising ourself and scorning others. 

This downfall is complete only if someone hears and understands our words.  We incur this if we praise ourself with the motivation of deceiving others so that we might receive gifts or to enhance our reputation.  It also is incurred if we criticize others with the wish to hurt them.

This is something many of us do all the time.  In modern times, it is actually quite rare for us to physically harm others – there are too many social conventions against such behavior.  I do wonder, though, whether we have compensated for this with an increase in the amount of hurtful speech we engage in.  If our minds are just as critical and angry as they have always been (and a case can be made why in degenerate times it is actually worse), and we can conventionally no longer express this mind physically, it only stands to reason that there has been a corresponding increase in the amount of our hurtful speech.

And we see this everywhere we go.  A large number of the shows on TV these days are “reality TV shows.”  What makes for good reality TV is outrageously hurtful speech among the contestants.  Virtually all the news programming we see on TV or hear on the radio these days is one constant stream of critical and scornful speech.  In political discourse now, there is almost no discussion of the merits of the different policy options, everything is about personal attacks on the other person.  In many of our social circumstances, the price of entry into a given social group is agreeing with the dominant negative view of that group towards others.  We say hurtful things to show these people we are with them, and when we do, they then accept us into their group.  We so want to belong to other groups, that we are ready to commit all sorts of hurtful things just to feel like we belong.  This is very foolish.  It is better to be a group of one but think and say nothing bad about anybody than to belong to a group where what binds them is their mutual hatred or cynicism of another. 

Why is all this negativity so popular?  Because it reflects how our mind naturally works.  Psychologists have estimated that a negative opinion of someone or something will spread 10 times faster than a positive opinion.  In our own speech, we are constantly putting other people down in one way or another, at work, at home and in our social life.  When others around us say critical things of others and we agree, or even just nod our head, we are contributing to this storm of negativity.  When we laugh at jokes made at other people’s expense or agree with the rhetorical broadsides lodged against those around us, karmically it is the same as us using such hurtful speech ourselves.  Venerable Tharchin explains that just as rejoicing creates the causes to acquire the good qualities we rejoice in, so too being critical, scornful or judgmental of others creates the causes to acquire the bad qualities we criticize!  Seen in this way, our negative attitude is sowing the seeds for us to, quite frankly, be a horrible person.  We see a world filled with horrible people now, if we don’t change our ways, in the future we will be the sum of all horrible-ness we see.

We likewise are constantly praising ourselves.  If we check, we will see that virtually every time we put somebody else down or judge somebody else even in the slightest way, we are at the same time – even if only indirectly – affirming that we are not like what we are criticizing.  We are implying by our speech that we are somehow better than the person we are criticizing.  So even if we are not directly making boastful statements about ourselves, every time we put others down, we are indirectly doing so.  At work or at home, we quite often try to take credit for our good deeds, and even sometimes the good deeds of others.  When recounting what we do, we quite often exaggerate how hard everything was to create the impression that we have done such amazing work.  We easily feel put aside when others don’t appreciate the value of our contributions.  On Facebook, we check and see how many ‘likes’ our comments get and we compare it to others.  Even when we put ourselves down, we often exaggerate what we say in a sub-conscious effort to get the other person to say, “no, no, you are not that bad.”  If I am honest, almost everything I say is directly or indirectly saying how or why I am so much better than everyone else.  And we all do this.  How can I say this?  Because we all suffer from a terrible sense of our own self-importance.  If this is what we think, then our speech is going to reflect this one way or the other. 

Praising ourself doesn’t in any way increase our good qualities.  Most other people are not stupid and they are not fooled by our boasts, in fact they often think how pompous we are.  When we see people who think too highly of themselves and of their accomplishments, we may be polite to their face, but inside we are being quite critical and generating the wish to knock the other person down a peg or two.  A very common thing in Dharma circles is for somebody to mention somebody else in a positive light, and we will say, “yeah, that person is great,” but inside we are thinking “yeah, but…” and then our mind immediately races to something negative about the other person.  We almost never have a genuine good thought about another person.  I would say that karmically speaking praising ourself actually depletes our merit and good qualities. 

So what should we do?  In my own speech, I try live by three rules:  First, never say anything bad about anyone ever.  I don’t always succeed at this, but I do try.  My Grandmother, who lived to be 105 years old, basically never says anything bad about anybody.  The closest I have heard her say anything bad about anybody was during the first Iraq war, and she said, “Saddam Hussein, ehhhh, …”  And then she cut herself off.  Second, I try to never make any comparisons – ever.  When I make any comparisons between people, invariably I am putting somebody down.  When I make comparisons between myself and others, I invariably develop pride, competitiveness, or jealousy.  But if I never compare, then these minds don’t have as much occasion to arise.  Third, I try to never miss a chance to praise somebody for some quality I see in them.  Of course we have to be skillful with this.  Your compliments should be genuine and well grounded.  If somebody doesn’t actually have a good quality and you praise it, they usually know you are not being sincere and it just makes things worse.  Likewise, you can’t do this too much where it becomes obnoxious or uncomfortable for the other person.  But even though you might not be able to say all the compliments you would like to, mentally you can still think them. 

The bottom line is simple:  if criticizing others creates the causes for us to acquire the faults we criticize and praising others creates the causes for us to acquire the qualities we praise, it is pretty clear what we need to do.

Vows, commitments, and modern life:  You ain’t as great as you think you are

Not to pretend to have good qualities or hide our faults without a special, pure intention.

There was a time within the tradition when it was quite common for people to pretend to be better than they actually were, especially if they were teachers or key officers in a center.  Many many people did this for what seemed like a good reason.  They allowed others to refer to them as “Buddhas,” and “having miracle powers,” etc., because they thought doing so helped the student develop faith, and with faith they would then gain more realizations.  So they allowed such views to develop among the students.  The results of this were predictably disastrous.

For the students, it tied them in all sorts of really strange knots where the teacher would be making some fairly obvious mistakes, but the student would have to try say it was actually correct because they needed to “maintain pure view.”  This caused students to repress their criticisms of their teacher, which far from increasing their faith served as a cancer gradually destroying any and all faith.  For the teachers, this was likewise terrible because they had to keep up this charade of being some holy being so they too had to repress their delusions (which just made them worse) and it deprived them of having any refuge of being able to go to their sangha friends when they had problems.  There were quite a few very high profile teachers who self-destructed due to this dynamic.  For those who were neither teachers nor regular students, this all seemed very strange and cult-like.  They were not fooled by the teacher’s pretentions so they had no faith, and seeing the slavish and strange sychophantry of the students made people think they had found some cult. 

Probably a good 20 years ago, Geshe-la tried to put an end to this bizarre dynamic.  He explained that our local teachers should be viewed as Sangha jewels, not Buddha jewels.  This was a monumental change, because up until that time it was standard practice to try view our local teachers as Buddha jewels.  He explained that when our teachers appear to make mistakes, we should go speak with them explaining our view with an open mind, and then through a healthy discussion either the teacher would realize their mistake or the student would develop a better understanding by seeing the teacher’s actions through a different lens.  There is still within the NKT some residual of this old way of doing things, but it is quickly fading away.  Now we are all practitioners doing our best and having a good laugh at ourselves and our own delusions.

This wrong view emerged from a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to maintain pure view.  Pure view does not mean we view everything as perfect on the side of the object itself, rather it means we learn how to view everything – the good, the bad and the ugly – in a perfect way.  Good, bad, and ugly are still good, bad and ugly, but no matter what is appearing it can be perfectly beneficial for our practice.  Viewing everything, even mistakes, as teachings enables us to receive perfect benefit from whatever appears.  This is viewing things in a perfect way.  So we can still call a spade a spade (say what is wrong is in fact wrong), but identifying it as wrong is not a problem for us because it teaches us something valuable.  If we view everything in a perfect way, then for us everything will be perfect, not because what is happening is perfect on the side of the object but because we know how to receive perfect benefit from whatever arises.  Pure view exists only on the side of the mind (or at least it starts there). 

Happy Tara Day: May there be the auspiciousness of her presence

This is the final installment of the 12-part series sharing my understanding of the practice Liberation from Sorrow.

Dedication

By this virtue may I quickly
Become Arya Tara,
And then lead every living being
Without exception to that ground.

The dedication of any sadhana indicates the practice’s main function.  By engaging in the practice, we create the karmic causes for the ends we dedicate towards in the dedication.  Then, when doing the dedication, we “seal” the karma we have created through doing the practice so that it continues to work without interruption until the dedication is realized.  For me, the best analogy is dedication is like putting our savings into a retirement account, where it will continue to accumulate interest until eventually we have reached our retirement goals.  Geshe Chekhawa says there are two activities:  one at the beginning and one at the end.  In the beginning, we establish our motivation for engaging in the practice; and in the end, we dedicate our merit towards the accomplishment of our desired spiritual goals.  As Mahayanists, our motivation and our dedication are the same – we wish to become a Buddha for the sake of all living beings and then we dedicate at the end towards the same end.  Thus it is important that we recall our bodhichitta motivation for having engaged in the practice, and now we solidify it by dedicating our merits towards the same goal.

Sometimes it is easy to get lazy and distracted with our dedications, but this is a big mistake.  By the end of our practice, we are tired and we are also anticipating everything that we will have to do once our practice is over.  Our mind is already positioning itself for what comes after.  Shantideva explains that anger can quickly destroy all undedicated merit, but dedication functions to protect our merit from subsequent anger.  Given how easily we get angry, it is safe to say that any merit we have not dedicated has already been destroyed by our past anger.  In other words, the only merit we have left on our mind is that which we have dedicated.  Whenever good karma ripens, we should recall that the only reason why we are able to enjoy our present good circumstance is due to our past practice of dedication.

Here, we dedicate to become Arya Tara and to lead all living beings to the same ground.  We are Kadampas, so it is only natural for us to wish to become a Lamrim Buddha just like Tara.  Her special power is to bestow Lamrim realizations and her uncommon mission is to care for all Atisha’s future disciples.  We wish to do the same. 

Through the virtues I have collected
By worshipping the Blessed Mother,
May every living being without exception
Be born in the Pure Land of Bliss.

Here, we specifically recall that she is our blessed spiritual mother, who cares for and nurtures our spiritual life to maturity.  When we recite this dedication, we should mentally generate the wish that she be our spiritual mother in all of our future lives until we attain enlightenment.  Geshe-la once said that the mind of Lamrim is Akanishta Pure Land.  In other words, if we transform our mind into Lamrim, the world which will naturally appear is Akanishta Pure Land.  When we help others develop Lamrim minds, we are in fact bringing them into our Pure Land.  We do not have to wait until others die for them to be reborn in the Pure Land of Bliss, they can do so now through generating Lamrim minds.

Auspicious verse

You, who having abandoned all bodily faults, possess the signs and indications,
Who having abandoned all verbal faults, possess a heavenly voice,
Who having abandoned all mental faults, realize all objects of knowledge;
O Lady of blessed, glorious renown, may there be the auspiciousness of your presence.

This verse reveals how we should rely upon Tara in the meditation break.  We generate faith by considering the good qualities of a Buddha, but sometimes we forget to connect that to our own life.  In this verse, we bridge the gap by praying that we always be in the living presence of Tara and experience firsthand her good qualities.  A Buddha’s body is not just their form, such as a Green Deity with an outstretched leg; rather, their body pervades the entire universe and we can correctly view all things as her emanations.  With the first line, we pray that we “see” her in every form we encounter, and that we understand what we see as the signs and indications of her presence in our life.  To strengthen this experience, during the meditation break, we should take the time to view everything that appears to us as her bodily emanations in our life.  In particular, we can view the food we eat, the home we live in, the clothes we wear, etc., all as provided by our spiritual mother caring for us.

With the second line, we pray that every sound we hear – even the rustling of the leaves in the wind – is recognized by us as her heavenly voice teaching us the Kadam Lamrim.  During the meditation break, we hear countless sounds, but whether those sounds teach us Lamrim depends upon our familiarity with the Lamrim teachings and the blessings we receive from the Buddhas.  By practicing pure view recognizing every sound as Tara’s heavenly voice, she will enter into every sound and our mind will be blessed to hear everything as Lamrim teachings.  Then, day and night, it will be as if we are in her holy temple at her lotus feet.

With the third line, we pray that every thought that arise in our mind arise from her omniscient wisdom.  Thoughts arise in our mind like bubbles from the bottom of the sea, but the majority of them are contaminated, deluded views.  If we can unite our mind with Tara’s, then every thought we have will be a manifestation of her omniscient wisdom arising in our mind.  Gen Tharchin says a blessing is like a subtle infusion of a Buddha’s mind into our own.  When we feel the presence of Arya Tara’s mind within our own, then we will receive a steady stream of her blessings.  Throughout the meditation break, we should recall Tara has mixed inseparably with our root mind at our heart, and view every thought that arises as her quick wisdom.  By maintaining this view, she will enter every thought we have and bless us to have a Lamrim perspective with respect to every appearance.  In this way, everything that arises, both externally and internally, are all viewed as Tara.  In short, our practice during the meditation break is to always remember we are in her presence in these three ways.

Dedication:  I dedicate all of the merit I have accumulated through sharing my understanding of Tara practice so that in all our future lives she remains our spiritual mother, who gives birth to us as Kadampas and nurtures us to spiritual maturity on the Kadampa path.  Through her blessings, may our every experience give rise to Lamrim minds, and may we always feel ourselves to be in her holy presence.  May every person who reads this series of posts make the firm determination to engage in the Liberation from Sorrow practice the 8th of every month for the rest of their lives, and may Tara appear to them at the time of their death and lead them to her Pure Land. 

Vows, commitments, and modern life:  Do not be critical of virtue.

Not to criticize those who have entered the Mahayana

Somebody who has entered the Mahayana is somebody who has committed themselves to becoming a Buddha for the sake of all living beings.  They are like a spiritual prince or princess destined to one day take the throne.  Just as we naturally treat with respect all those who we know will go on to become incredibly powerful, even if they are still a child now, how much more should we show respect to those who will go on to become the highest beings of all, fully enlightened Buddhas.  Ultimately, of course, we don’t know who has or who has not entered the Mahayana, so just to be safe we should assume everybody has and treat them all accordingly!

Criticism (of the negative sort) is a form of anger.  Anger is a wish to harm.  Harming an ordinary being is bad, but harming a Bodhisattva is karmically the same as harming all living beings because if you harm somebody who is trying to help everybody it is the same as indirectly harming everybody.  It is said that one moment of anger directed towards a bodhisattva creates the causes for countless lifetimes in the lower realms.

And let’s get real here:  we are criticizing the people in our centers all the time.  It is rare indeed (indeed almost unheard of) for there to not be some sort of tension or drama in a Dharma center.  There is a tremendous amount of judgment that takes place (why are they so deluded, why don’t they ever do work for the center, etc., etc., etc.).  If we check, there is usually in a Dharma center a fair amount of talking badly behind other people’s backs.  We know enough to know not to be critical of others to their faces, but then when they are gone, we share our real feelings with some people we feel we relate to.  Sometimes we are critical of our teachers and we encourage others to share our negative view.  If we were sick, we would not intentionally go sneeze in somebody’s face, so if we are sick with delusion, why do we run to go infect others with our negative views? 

This does not mean we should never say anything and pretend that everything is fine when it is not.  We should of course go speak with people when we have differences of opinion in a constructive effort to resolve them.  We all know the difference between being critical of somebody and making an honest effort to resolve differences. 

Another common transgression of this vow is when we are critical of those in other traditions, especially those that are critical of us and our tradition.  These are often people who have also entered the Mahayana, and it is just as much a transgression to criticize them as it is to criticize somebody within our own tradition.  It can be very hard to not be critical, especially when they are shunning us or saying we have joined some crazed cult or they speak to us with hurtful or divisive words.  Just because they are acting in deluded ways and not respecting their own vows does not give us license to do the same towards them.  Indeed, if we do so all we do is prove them right.  If we want to prove them wrong, then our actions need to be different.  We respond to criticism with understanding, wisdom, and respect. 

The objection may arise, but what about the protests that the NKT has done against the Dalai Lama’s policies?  We shout, “stop lying” and we lay bear all sorts of mistakes he is making.  Isn’t that a violation of this vow?  The short answer it can be if our motivation is delusion.  But if our motivation is the compassionate wish to protect him and his followers from the negative karma of criticizing us, then instead of it being a negative action it becomes a compassionate wrathful action.  This is not easy, I agree, but it is vital we get it right.  If we do not, then we will just be laying the seeds for others to criticize us again in the future.

Not to cause others to regret their virtuous actions

This can sometimes happen when somebody is particularly nice to somebody who is normally not so nice to others.  We think, “why are you being so nice to him when he is such a jerk to everyone else?  You are just encouraging him to treat others badly.” Another common form of this is when somebody is particularly generous to somebody else, especially if the person who does the giving is himself or herself not somebody who has a lot of means.  We think, “you shouldn’t give like that, you can’t afford it.”  While it is true we need to be wise with our giving and know when to practice the giving of keeping, in general we can’t afford to NOT give.  Sometimes we also transgress this when somebody goes out of their way to do a favor for somebody else, especially if their doing of a favor for somebody else somehow created some inconvenience for ourselves.  For example, they went to go pick somebody up and that made you wait for an extra 15 minutes. 

When we make people regret their virtues is harms both them and us.  It harms them because instead of being happy about their virtues, they start to think they are a sucker for being nice to others.  When they have regret for their virtues, it destroys the merit they have accumulated and makes it far less likely they will engage in virtue again in the future.  If they don’t engage in virtue, how will they ever be happy?  If we make them regret their virtues, we are condemning them to an unhappy future.  This also harms ourselves.  We all know that when we rejoice in other’s virtue, we accumulate a fraction of the virtue we rejoice in.  Through rejoicing we can accumulate a tremendous amount of virtue even if we ourselves do almost nothing.  But in exactly the same way, when we judge people as wrong for engaging in certain virtues we destroy our own merit from our own virtues.  If we criticize them, we create the causes for others to criticize us in the future when we engage in virtue, and as a result in the future we will develop regret for our virtues and become discouraged. 

A frequent, but more subtle form of transgression of this vow is to belittle others’ virtues as not being that big of a deal.  Quite often when we hear somebody being praised for something they did, internally we become jealous and start judging the other person for all that they do wrong.  We think, “yeah, what they did was great, but…” and we go on to list their faults.  Even if we just have this discussion in our own head, we still destroy our own merit and create the causes for others to judge us as well.  All this is extremely short-sighted.

Vows, commitments, and modern life:  Do not cheat or deceive our Preceptors or Spiritual Guides

Not to cheat or deceive our Preceptors or Spiritual Guides

There is nobody more kind in our life than our Spiritual Guides.  Our parents are extremely kind to us, but they are only interested in our welfare in this life alone.  Only our spiritual guide is primarily interested in helping us in all our future lives.  Since the duration of this life is highly uncertain, whereas the duration of our future lives is infinite, it is clear which is more important.  Even if others are concerned about our future lives, they don’t necessarily know the means by which we can secure happiness in our future lives.  But our Spiritual Guide does.  He has already provided us with everything we need to attain any spiritual goal we set for ourselves.  If we wish to avoid lower rebirth, he explains to us how.  If we wish to attain liberation, he explains to us how.  If we wish to attain the pure land or to attain enlightenment, he explains to us how. 

He not only explains these things to us, but he has arranged all the necessary conditions for our practice.  Without hardly any effort on our part, we have access to Dharma centers, Dharma books, sadhanas, festivals, everything.  He has laid at our feet everything we need to be a modern day bodhisattva, and all we need to do is pick it up and use it.  What Geshe-la has done with Manjushri center, we can do with our local centers.  In many ways, it is even easier for us because we are already starting with everything, whereas he had to start with nothing.

His greatest act of kindness to us is he is there to help us when we are in the greatest of need.  Later, when we are spiritually advanced, we will be able to receive teachings directly from Buddhas.  But right now, when our minds are dark and obscured, who is able to shine a light into our hearts?  Our Spiritual Guide.  He also blesses our mind, giving us the strength and wisdom we need to travel the path, joyfully and even easily.  When you think about it, it is impossible for anybody to be kinder to us than he is. 

Likewise our Dharma teachers at our local Dharma centers are just as kind.  A case can be made for why they are even kinder because we are only able to see Geshe-la very rarely, if at all, but our local teachers are with us all the time.  But any local teacher would say in reality they are doing nothing, that it is Geshe-la who works through them, so all credit goes to the Spiritual Guide.  Even if our local teacher grants us empowerments or vows, in reality it is our Spiritual Guide who is doing it through our local teacher.  Our local teacher is like a speaker connected to the spiritual stereo system of our Spiritual guide.

Why do I explain how kind our Spiritual Guide is?  To show how and why it is so terrible to cheat or deceive them.  To cheat or deceive somebody who is cruel or out to harm us is bad, but how inconceivably worse is it to cheat or deceive our Spiritual Guide who is so kind to us? 

What does it mean to cheat or deceive them?  Generally, if we are doing it, we know when it is wrong.  Any form of stealing or lying or deception would fall under this.  Ultimately, it is incredibly stupid to do.  First of all, it is impossible for him to be deceived, even if we try, because he is omniscient and so sees right through any of our deceptions.  Our local teacher we can perhaps deceive, but our Spiritual Guide (who is our real local teacher) can never be deceived.  Second, why would we want to deceive him?  He only wants to help us and he has only compassion for our shortcomings, so there is really no need to deceive him.

I think a far more common, but more subtle, form of breaking this vow is when we have pretentious pride with our Spiritual Guide.  I for one have a long history of being attached to what others think of me, especially what my spiritual teachers think of me.  For many many years (and even now, if I am honest), I try get my teachers to think I am better than I really am.  I do this because I think they will like me more if they think I am this great practitioner.  But actually, if I am so great, what need do they have to teach me?  So even if I am just trying to get them to give me more love, to pretend to be better than we really are is just counter-productive.  It is also, again, incredibly stupid to do.  Just as a doctor can only treat us effectively if we describe for them the symptoms we are actually suffering from, so too our teachers can only effectively help us if we describe for them honestly what is happening in our mind – humbly and honestly.

Another common form of deception that can take place is to exaggerate how great we supposedly think our local teacher is.  It can happen quite often that our local teachers are making all sorts of mistakes.  But because we think we are supposed to be maintaining pure view and we think it is disrespectful to talk to them about the mistakes they are making, we tell them how great they are when in reality we don’t think that at all.  This doesn’t help them.  It may coddle their ego, but how does it help them advance spiritually?  And how does it help us because we know it is not what we think.  Geshe-la says when we see our teachers making mistakes we need to approach them constructively explaining our perspective on their actions and asking them for clarification so we can better understand.  If they are wrong, they should then say, “thank you, you are right, I will try change this about me,” and if we are wrong, they should without defensiveness explain to us how our view is wrong at which point we learn something. 

Finally, in the context of this series of blog posts, it is a form of deception to pretend that we are taking our vows with the intention of practicing them, but in reality we do nothing about them and never really had any intention of doing better.  The first time we took our bodhisattva or refuge or Pratimoksha vows, for most of us it was a big deal, something we considered, something we discussed with our Sangha friends to make sure we were approaching it right.  But since then?  If others are anything like me, I have attended festival after festival, taking the vows again and again, and never really giving it a second thought.  In general, it is advisable before every festival or time when we are going to receive new vows that we make a point of examining the vows, seeing the different areas where we can do a little better next time, and then with a very specific motivation to do better, we retake the vows.  In this way, every month, every year our practice of the vows and commitments becomes a little bit more qualified. 

Happy Protector Day: All the Attainments I Desire Arise From Merely Remembering You

The 29th of every month is Protector Day.  This is part 11 of a 12-part series aimed at helping us remember our Dharma Protector Dorje Shugden and increase our faith in him on these special days.

In the last post I explained most of the things we request Dorje Shugden to do.  In this post I will explain the summary requests from the sadhana.

Please remain in this place always, surrounded by most excellent enjoyments.
As my guest, partake continuously of tormas and offerings;
And since you are entrusted with the protection of human wealth and enjoyments,
Never waver as my guardian throughout the day and the night.

All the attainments I desire
Arise from merely remembering you.
O Wishfulfilling Jewel, Protector of the Dharma,
Please accomplish all my wishes.   (3x)

This verse is the synthesis of the entire Dorje Shugden practice.  Everything is contained within this verse.  We can understand this verse as follows:  The first line refers to our pure wishes, not our mundane wishes.  The second line refers to wherever we imagine a Buddha, a Buddha actually goes, and where ever they go, they accomplish their function.  If we remember Dorje Shugden, he will infuse himself into the situation and transform it into something we see as perfect for our practice.  The third and fourth lines explain how Dorje Shugden can become a wishfulfilling jewel.  Since he accomplishes all our spiritual wishes, if we make all of our wishes spiritual ones, he will accomplish all our wishes.

Whenever we are in a difficult situation, we can recite this verse like a mantra requesting him to provide us immediate protection.  Then we should strongly believe that he has infused himself into the situation and everything is now perfect.  We may wonder why is it that all the attainments we desire arise from merely remembering Dorje Shugden.  The reason for this is Dorje Shugden is a wisdom Buddha, which means he primarily helps us by blessing our mind to be able to see how the conditions we have are perfect for our practice.  When we remember him, we recall that everything is emanated by him and thus perfect.  Just believing this to be the case with faith opens our mind to receiving his powerful blessings.  Sometimes we understand immediately how the situation is perfect for our spiritual training, other times it is not so clear.  But even when it is not clear why the conditions are perfect, our remembering him gives us the faith that things are perfect, so we can more easily accept them.  Understanding exactly why things are perfect for our practice is obviously best, but sometimes simply understanding that things are perfect is good enough to set our mind at peace.

If we do not have time to engage in the whole Dorje Shugden sadhana, we can just recite this verse three times and this will maintain our commitments.  One verse said out of deep faith and a pure motivation is far more powerful than hundreds of hours of sadhana practice with a distracted, unfaithful mind.  If we offer our life completely into his care, it does not matter how much recitation we do.  But with that being said, reciting the full sadhana is obviously more effective than just reciting this last verse assuming our faith and motivation are equal in both situations.

After reciting the “all the attainments I desire…” verse, it is customary to pause and make personal requests for ourself and the people we care about.  The following are some example requests we can make.  General requests can include, “May I gain all the realizations necessary to lead all those I love to enlightenment.” This is the essence of our bodhchitta wish.  We can also make the request, “Please arrange all the outer, inner and secret conditions so that all those I love may enter, progress along and complete the path to enlightenment in this lifetime.”  This request fulfills our superior intention to lead all beings along the path to enlightenment.

Some specific requests we can make are:  When we do not know what is best, we can request “Please arrange whatever is best with respect to _____.”  When we think something is best, but we have some attachment to getting it our way, we can make the request, “With respect to ____, if it is best, please arrange it; otherwise, please sabotage it.”  When we have some situation that needs transforming, we can request, “May my/his experience of _____ become a powerful cause of my/his enlightenment.”  Finally, we can request anything that has a pure motivation, but we shouldn’t become attached to getting things the way we think is best.  We do not know what is best, which is why we need an omniscient Dharma protector managing these things for us.

After we have made our requests, we can maintain three special recognitions.  We can hold these recognitions in the meditation session and the meditation break, and indeed for the rest of our life.  First, we can think, from now until we attain enlightenment, and especially in this lifetime, everything that appears to us physically is emanated by Dorje Shugden for our practice.  Certain appearances will be for us to overcome certain delusions.  Certain appearances will be for us to generate virtuous minds.  But we can be certain that from this point forward, there is not a single physical appearance that has not been emanated by him for us, so we can correctly see everything as an emanation of him for our practice.

Second, from now until we attain enlightenment, and especially in this lifetime, everything that we hear is emanated by Dorje Shugden to teach us the Dharma.  Obviously, this includes all the Dharma teachings we receive.  But it also includes conversations we overhear, songs we hear, even the wind blowing through the leaves.  But we can be certain that from this point forward, there is not a single sound that has not been emanated by him to teach us the Dharma.  We can correctly imagine that all sounds are mounted upon his mantra, and that when we hear the sounds they teach us the Dharma.

Third, from now until we attain enlightenment, and especially in this lifetime, everything that arises within our mind will be emanated by Dorje Shugden to provide us an opportunity to train our mind.  Obviously, this includes every time we generate virtuous minds with our Dharma practice.  He will also help us generate the virtuous minds of the stages of the path.  This additionally includes all the delusions that arise within our mind.  For example, if strong anger arises, we can believe it is emanated by him so that we can practice patience.  If strong jealousy arises, we can think it is emanated by him so we can practice rejoicing, etc.  This also applies to what others think, for example what they think about us, etc.  We can view everything that others are appearing to think to be emanated by Dorje Shugden for our practice.  We can be certain that from this point forward, there is not a single thought that will arise within our mind or the mind of others that has not been emanated by him to provide us an opportunity to train our mind, so we can fully accept everything that happens as perfect for our practice. 

In the next post I will explain how we can increase the power of our practice of Dorje Shugden.

Vows, commitments, and modern life:  Accumulate merit and wisdom

To accumulate merit and wisdom

To drive a car, you need two things:  gas and knowing how to get to where you want to go.  Gas is merit, knowing how to get to where you want to go is wisdom.  From a spiritual point of view, from where our mind is currently at to the city of enlightenment we are a long, long ways away.  The path there is also unknown to us because we have never travelled it before.  To complete the path, therefore, we need a lot of spiritual gas and a lot of wisdom. 

In general, we can divide a Buddha’s aggregates into their form aggregates (their body) and their mental aggregates (their mind).  Merit is the principal cause of attaining the body of a Buddha and wisdom is the principal cause of attaining the mind of a Buddha.  When we talk of the “two collections,” we are referring to the collection of merit and the collection of wisdom.  What does a Buddha’s body do?  It spontaneously emanates for each and every living being exactly what they need to attain enlightenment each and every moment.  Buddhas are doing this for us right now.  We just don’t realize it because we have different ideas about what we need than they do.  What we have emanated around us right now might not be perfect for the fulfillment of our worldly wishes, but it is definitely perfect for our swiftest possible enlightenment.  If we had wisdom, we would see and understand how this is true.  As but a small example of this, we can consider a dedication Buddha once made.  He had engaged in some virtue which created enough positive karma for him to be reborn as a Chakravatin king (a universal monarch) something like 50,000 times in succession.  Instead, he dedicated all this merit so that in the future pure Dharma practitioners would never want for the basic necessities needed to sustain their practice.  He transformed his merit into his future emanations of his body to take the form of these basic necessities.  In the same way, when a being reaches a certain critical mass of merit it transforms itself into a self-replenishing inexhaustible fountain of merit that spontaneously ripens in the form of countless emanations helping each and every living being every day.  This self-replenishing inexhaustible fountain of enlightened deeds is a Buddha’s body.  Shantideva refers to it as the reliquary a bodhisattva accumulates while on the bodhisattva path that they then leave behind when they attain enlightenment. 

The difference between the wisdom of an ordinary mind, that of a bodhisattva, and that of a Buddha can be explained as follows:  an ordinary person might know how to drive on certain main roads in the city which they live, but outside of that they are completely lost and don’t know how to get anywhere.  A bodhisattva is like a driver with a GPS.  With the GPS they can program it to take them to any destination anywhere and the GPS will plan the route.  The driver then follows the planned route and it delivers them to the city of enlightenment.  A Buddha’s mind is like that of a seasoned taxi driver that knows all the roads from anywhere to anywhere without needing the help of a GPS at all.  They always know the quickest way to get to any destination, and in particular they know how all routes for how to most quickly get to the celestial mansion at the center of the city of enlightenment.  Not only is it simply the mind of a single taxi driver, but the Buddha’s mind is able to manifest itself as countless taxis that they send out to each and every living being so that all the being has to do is hop in, say “take me to enlightenment” and as long as the passenger never gets out of the car, they will be swiftly led to their final destination, even if their starting point is the pit of the deepest hell.  Just as all roads lead to Rome, so too for the enlightened mind they know how to connect all mental roads to enlightenment. 

Understanding the value of merit and the value of wisdom, how do we actually accumulate them as the precept encourages us to do?  In general, anytime we help somebody else in any way we accumulate merit, or positive mental karma.  In general, anytime we realize how our delusions are deceiving us we accumulate wisdom.  The best way to accumulate merit is to engage in actions motivated by bodhichitta.  The power of our merit is multiplied by the number of beings upon whose behalf we engage in the virtue.  With a bodhichitta motivation, we seek to help countless living beings, so the power of our merit is multiplied by a factor of countless!  The best way to accumulate wisdom is to contemplate and meditate on emptiness.  Emptiness is the ultimate nature of things, and it explains that everything is mere karmic appearance to mind, a karmic dream.  There is nothing other than these mental appearances, and they are no more real than last night’s dream.  If everything is created by mind, by changing our mind we can change everything.  At present, we still grasp at things as somehow having some existence outside of our mind, somehow separate from our mind.  These things, we feel, can never change regardless of what we do with our mind.  We can change our mind, but they will remain the same.  This is grasping at the inherent existence of things, grasping at them having some existence outside of or independent of our mind.  When we contemplate and meditate on emptiness, we realize this is completely wrong and come to understand how everything is a mere karmic appearance, a mere karmic dream.  If there is nothing really there, then there is no basis for generating attachment or anger to karmic holograms.  Emptiness cuts the power of all delusions in exactly the same way that waking up dispels all fear of the monster chasing us in our dreams. 

The best way to accumulate both merit and wisdom simultaneously is the practice of guru yoga.  Guru yoga is a special mental recognition that views everything as an emanation of the spiritual guide.  Any virtue we accumulate towards a Buddha is non-contaminated virtue (this is like pure rocket fuel compared to leaded gasoline).  Any virtue we accumulate towards the Spiritual Guide is the same as engaging in that same virtue towards each of the countless Buddhas.  The reason for this is all the Buddhas enter into the spiritual guide to receive our actions, so engaging in one action towards the spiritual guide directly is karmically equivalent to engaging in that action towards all the Buddhas.  Just as a small TV can show an image of an entire city, so too a small emanation can reflect countless pure worlds.  Likewise, with guru yoga we can learn to rely upon the guru’s mind as our own.  His mind already has all the wisdom realizations.  Instead of going through the laborious work of gaining all these realizations ourselves, it is so much simpler to just adopt his mind as our own, and learn how to download and use his mind as if it were our own.  This is doable (see the series on Activating the Inner Spiritual Guide and Relying upon the Guru’s Mind Alone).  Just as through Google we can access all the knowledge of the entire internet, so too through the Guru we can access all the wisdom of all the Buddhas.  The spiritual guide is a portal through which we can directly communicate with all the Buddhas.

The ultimate way to accumulate both merit and wisdom is to train in ultimate guru yoga with a bodhichitta motivation.  Ultimate guru yoga is recognizing the emptiness of our very subtle mind of great bliss as the same nature as that of the Guru’s Truth Body Dharmakaya.  If we can learn to attain this mind directly, it is said we can attain enlightenment in merely a matter of months!   

Vows, commitments, and modern life:  Do not abandon any living being

Not to abandon any living being

This is an incredibly vast practice.  The meaning of this vow is we exclude nobody from our bodhichitta.  We seek to attain enlightenment for all living beings without exception.  At a very practical level, what this means is when we see somebody with some problem we never think, “not my problem.”  Any problem any living being has is our problem.  It is not our problem in the sense we have a problem with them having a problem, rather it is of our concern.  We should have a feeling of personal responsibility for every living being without exception.  If there is even one being for whom we don’t feel personal responsibility, then to a certain extent we can say we have abandoned that being.  Technically, however, we only actually abandon a living being when we make the active choice that we are no longer going to work for the benefit of a particular person.  We conclude, “they are on their own,” or “they are somebody else’s problem now.”  Or we say we will become a Buddha for all except this person.

This vow can give rise to a good deal of confusion.  This vow does not mean we can never leave a relationship with somebody.  Very often people hear the teachings on cherishing others and not abandoning others, and they conclude that it means they should stay with their partner despite the fact that their partner is abusive.  This is a completely wrong understanding.  Not abandoning others does not mean we don’t end relationships with people when they need to be ended, rather it means we never abandon caring for the other person.  When somebody is being abusive towards us, often times the best way we can express our caring for the other person is by leaving them.  We do not help people by letting them abuse us.  We do not help people by indulging them in their delusions.  Why?  Because we are letting them create all sorts of negative karma for themselves.  Every time we let them be abusive towards us, they create the karma to be abused themselves in the future.  Because we care about them and we don’t want them to create that karma, we need to end it or at least no longer cooperate with it.  I have discussed these points at length in the series on Cultivating Healthy Relationships, so you can find more detail there.

Another common confusion that arises with respect to this vow is how we help people.  Sometimes out of compassion not wanting others to suffer, we solve their problems for them.  We know if we don’t solve their problem for them, they are really going to struggle, and possibly fail, and we want to spare them from having to endure that, so we solve their problem for them.  If we don’t do so, it feels like we are abandoning them.  We know we could help them, but we don’t.  They then suffer, and cry out to us for help, they may even get mad at us and guilt trip us for not helping them.  For many parents, episodes like this tear them apart.  But the bottom line on this is very simple:  we are not helping people by doing for them things they can do for themselves.  Quite the opposite, if we do for them things they can do for themselves, we are actually dis-empowering them and allowing them to develop bad habits of viewing others as the solution to their problems, and making them think they have no power from their own side to solve their own problems.  This leads to some highly dysfunctional dynamics between people and ultimate drags both people down.  This is wrong compassion, it is compassion without wisdom.

If instead, we tell people, “Look, I could do this for you, but then you would never learn how to do it for yourself.  You would be forever dependent on other people.  This doesn’t help you.  Therefore, I am going to let you do this one on your own.  I am helping you more by letting you do it on your own.  It is because I love you that I realize the best way I can help you is by letting you handle this one on your own.”  At first, they may not understand this logic, but if you start with small things that you know are doable for the other person, they will eventually start to get it.  The key is finding the 110% threshold of the other person’s current capacity.  If something is 200% beyond their capacity, there is no sense in letting them deal with it on their own because they will inevitably fail and become discouraged.  You also definitely don’t want to do things that are say 80% of their capacity because that just makes them lazy and absolutely saps their self-confidence of being able to do even the most basic of things.  110% is the perfect threshold because it forces the other person to stretch themselves to succeed, but it is still within the range of doable.  It will take some trial and error before you start to develop a fairly reliable intuition for where the person’s 110% threshold is, but with blessings and experience it won’t take long.

The interesting thing is when you start to relate to people in this way, their own capacity quickly begins to grow.  What was 110% for them last week is only 105% this week, and will be 80% in perhaps a short period of time.  We keep upping the ante on them, we keep stretching them and growing them until eventually they are completely capable and self-sufficient in life.  You will know you are doing your job correctly when the other person has some problem, you go to help them, and they say, “no don’t.  Let me do this myself.”