
Now Shantideva gives some reasonings establishing that things are empty of true existence. First of all, he shows how persons lack true existence, then phenomena other than persons.
All of us are generally familiar with this meditation. The central point is this: if the I we normally see truly exists, we should be able to find it upon investigation. If something exists, it should be findable. If it cannot be found, then even though it appears, we can safely conclude it is an illusion.
Geshe-la explains in How to Transform your Life that there are two types of search: a conventional search and an ultimate search. A conventional search for our car, for example, is to look in the parking lot for where our car is. We then find it and say, “there is my car.” But an ultimate search is when we are not satisfied with merely finding our car, but we seek to identify what exactly is our car. We seek to find the thing that is our car.
The car that normally appears to us is one that appears to exist independently of all other phenomena, and certainly independently of our mind. It is a discrete thing that can be identified, and we can point to it and say this is my car. We should be able to separate all the things that are not our car and be left with our car. Conventionally of course we can do this. As we go through the parking lot, we can say that’s not my car, that’s not my car, that’s not my car, but that is my car. But when we perform an ultimate search, we are looking more deeply to identify what is the car itself.
In the same way, we can look for our I. Conventionally, we can go looking for ourselves and then find here I am. But if we are not satisfied with simply conventionally identifying ourselves, but want to look more deeply to identify specifically our self, we need to engage in an ultimate search. Who am I? The I that we normally see, like our car, appears to exist from its own side independent of all other phenomena. We can recall the post from earlier in this series where we talked about identifying the object of negation. Gen Tharchin said 80% of realizing emptiness is identifying the object of negation. We need to identify clearly the self that we normally see so that when we look for it but cannot find it, it has a profound effect on our mind.
When trying to identify the self that we normally see it is important that we not overthink it. It is very easy for us to generate some abstract philosophical notion of our self and then establish that that philosophical notion does not exist. But Geshe-la explains in Mirror of Dharma that this sort of meditation on emptiness of our I is powerless to actually overcome our delusions because the self that we are negating is a fabricated, artificial notion of self, and not the self that we normally see.
What is the self that we normally see? It’s me. It is who I see in the mirror. It is who we refer to when we say I am hungry. I like to ask where am I? Am I in the kitchen? No, I am in the living room. What is the I that I normally see? It is the one that is not in the kitchen but is in the living room. Specifically, when I look at my body or think of my thoughts, I say that’s me. I believe that my I is one with my body and mind. My body and mind is me.
With this background in mind, Shantideva now starts to go look to find our I. He is engaging in an ultimate search. As we read through these verses, it is not enough for us to simply intellectually go through them in the abstract, but we should practically apply them to looking for ourselves. We should be looking for our own I using Shantideva’s words as the pointing out instructions for guiding our own ultimate search for our I.


