Abandon poisonous food. 

Here poisonous food refers to virtuous actions contaminated with self-grasping and self-cherishing.  This commitment advises us to not perform actions contaminated by these, which we have been doing since beginningless time.

It is very easy for us to misunderstand this vow.  On the surface, it seems to imply that we should not perform virtuous actions if they are mixed with self-cherishing and self-grasping, so we think it is somehow “bad” to do so.  This indicates a very important point in the Dharma:  when it comes to Dharma practice, there is no “bad”, there is only “good” and “even better.”  Engaging in virtuous actions mixed with self-grasping and self-cherishing is “good,” doing so without these contaminations is “even better.”  Just because there is an “even better” does not mean the “good” is somehow bad.  In short, we need to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Unfortunately, this is a mistake we make all the time with our Dharma practice, and many people develop all sorts of “dharma neuroses” because of it.  Let’s say we do the offerings on the shrine at our center, but we do it all wrong.  Is this good or bad?  It is good.  Of course, it is better to do it correctly, but just because there is this “better” doesn’t mean what we did is “bad.”  The same logic applies to all our Dharma practices.  Basically, we currently do everything all “wrong.”  We do nothing correctly.  But that does not mean our practice is “bad” or that we are doing anything wrong.  There are always “even better” ways of doing our practices, but we should never feel bad or guilty because we are not doing things perfectly.  Many people beat themselves up and become very guilty about the imperfections in their Dharma practice.  Some unskillful teachers focus only on what their students are doing wrong as opposed to what they are doing correctly.  This kills all joy in Dharma practice and just makes people anxious and worried about doing things incorrectly.  It is very important that we counter such attitudes and tendencies in our Dharma centers.  Our Dharma centers should be places where we learn to laugh, not become neurotic!

A good example is when it comes to cherishing others.  If we are honest, most of our cherishing of others right now is done with a mixed motivation.  Part of us cherishes others because we genuinely want them to be happy, but there is also part of our mind that cherishes others because we see how this will benefit us!  In other words, our cherishing of others is mixed with self-cherishing.  This is entirely normal and not a problem.  It is “good.”  We don’t not cherish others because we can’t do so with a perfectly selfless motivation.  If we adopted such an attitude, we would never cherish others at all.  Instead, we happily accept where we are at, but we do not remain satisfied with where we are at.  This is a subtle distinction.  We strive to do better and better, to cherish others with increasingly pure motivations, but we nonetheless remain perfectly happy with the fact that we are doing things only partially correctly.  Once again, there is no “bad”, there is only “good” and “even better.”  If we can maintain this attitude, then we will keep joy in our practice.  Without joy, there is no actual effort. 

This advises us to not wish for results from our practice for ourself alone, but we should dedicate all our merit to others.  It also advises us to not use Lojong for worldly goals.

In my experience, the biggest problem of those between year 1 and year 10 of Dharma practice is attachment to results.  This is the number one thing that creates problems for us in our practice.  Generally speaking, those who have been practicing for more than 10 years gave up on expecting results long ago.  They have realized it is a long slog, and each year that goes by they increasingly feel they haven’t really started practicing yet.  This is a good thing – it means we stabilize ourself in the mind of a beginner.

When we have attachment to results, several problems arise.  First, it takes away all the fun of practice.  If we enjoy our practice, results will naturally come, and then we will relish the opportunity to practice more.  If we are attached to results, then our practice is a source of constant frustration when they don’t come.  When we are concerned about results, we start having things like “good meditations” and “bad meditations,” where the former is one where things came easily and the latter is where we struggled the whole time.  When we let go of attachment to results, our assessment of what constitutes a “good meditation” completely reverses.  The one where we struggle is the better meditation because we know we are working through much more in our mind than when things come easily.  This doesn’t mean a formerly “good meditation” where lots of results ripen is a bad thing.  For a pure practitioner, it is equally good as the “bad” meditation, but just for different reasons.  It is not good because of the good results, it is good because with the new insight we can later go on to struggle with something deeper.

Attachment to results creates great tension in our mind as the gap between our intellectual understanding and our actual ability to practice grows.  When we expect results, we can quickly develop a Dharma neurosis where the more we learn about how we “should” be the more frustrated we become with “how we actually are.”  We think just because we know how a Buddha thinks and would respond that we are somehow supposed to already be capable of doing so.  The more we intellectually know, the more we judge our practice as faulty and inadequate and we quickly become frustrated.  But when we let go of attachment to results, the more we intellectually understand the better we get at practicing right where we are at.  We accept where we are at and therefore attend to improving the quality with which we practice. 

With attachment to results, we can easily grow discouraged and lose faith in our practices if results do not come right away.  We have countless aeons worth of bad habits built up in our mind.  It is completely unrealistic to assume just because we have been practicing for a few months, years, or even decades that we should somehow be able to respond in completely different ways.  When we can’t, we conclude the Dharma doesn’t work and we abandon our practice.  A pure practitioner is unconcerned with such things.  Their sole concern is the quality of their effort, not the results they attain.  They know that if the cause is created, the future result is guaranteed, so they worry not about results and instead care only about creating good causes for the future.

The function of attachment is to separate you from whatever you are attached to, so the more we become attached to results, the further we will remove ourself from them.  This is the cruel truth of attachment.  It is because we want to have results that we must completely let go of attachment to them.  When we do let go, then results start falling into our lap naturally.  And if they don’t, it is not a problem because we are focused on creating causes.  In the end, it is very simple:  if you want to experience a result, then you need to create the cause.  So there is no sense in grasping at results, only sense in focusing on creating its cause.

The opponent to all attachment to results is learning to be content to try.  We need to learn to enjoy practicing itself, independent of any results.  Probably the purest practitioner I have ever met was somebody who had spent the last 15 years in a mental hospital.  He had terrible psychotic tendencies which often manifested in psychotic thoughts towards the three jewels and especially towards Geshe-la.  Every day, he would be assailed literally hundreds of times with deeply negative thoughts.  Most people would either kill themselves or drug themselves into a stupor.  But his view was completely different.  He made a distinction between “the ripening of past negative tendencies” and “the new creation of good causes.”  When a psychotic thought arises in his mind, he recognizes it as the ripening of a past tendency.  In and of itself, this thought is only harmful if he assents to it – in other words he believes it to be true.  But if instead he trains in “not believing” and “not assenting” to it, then he is not only not creating new negative karma, he is actually creating incredibly powerful virtue.  It is said that one action of moral discipline of restraint is enough to create the cause for a higher rebirth.  In his view, if he had 50 negative thoughts in an hour, and he practiced not assenting to them 50 times, then he just created for himself the causes for 50 future precious human lives.  Who needs money when you can create karma like this?  For him, the ripening of deluded tendencies was simply an essential condition for him to train his mind.  Far from being discouraged, he thanked his protector for giving him continued opportunities to practice.  He would say, “we are living in increasingly degenerate times.  It will not be long before everybody has a mind like mine.  I have been given this mind now so that I can learn how to practice in the face of such an onslaught.  By learning this now, I will prepare myself to be the most helpful to others when times are at their most degenerate.”  I am not making this up.  This is a real person.  His name was Taro, and he was one of the most amazing practitioners I have ever met.  He was a shining example of what it means to practice without attachment to results.  Regrettably, he died in Summer 2021.

When we practice we should do so for the sake of others.  Our job is to learn how to control our mind so that we can teach others how to do the same thing.  Kadam Lucy once said to Geshe-la that her main job is to cause the Dharma to flourish, and Geshe-la sternly corrected her saying that her main job was to practice Dharma, and our ability to cause the Dharma to flourish flows directly from that.  Any other benefit we receive from our practice is a side effect of our main aim, which is to serve others.  We do receive benefit, but that is not why we are practicing.

Training in Dharma will actually make us more successful in all our activities.  Practically speaking, our productivity is directly proportional to our ability to focus on the task at hand.  Of course we should not use the Dharma for accomplishing worldly success.  Dharma is like internal physics, it is just how things work.  So it is possible to study Dhamra with a worldly motivation and use its science to succeed in our worldly aims.  This is like using hundred dollar bills for toilet paper.  This does not mean, however, that we shouldn’t use Dharma to solve our daily problems.  Of course we should.  The issue here is we learn how to use Dharma to overcome all samsaric problems for the sake of getting ourselves and others out!

Do not think about others’ faults. 

 

This commitment advises us not to dwell on the faults of others.  If we contemplate our own faults we can identify them and overcome them.  This is true wisdom.  Contemplating our own good knowledge and qualities leads to conceit, but contemplating the good qualities of others leads to respect and affection.

 

If we understood the previous commitment, then this naturally follows.  The main point here is Geshe-la takes things one step further.  In the previous commitment we are advised to stop talking about other’s faults, here we are advised to not even think about them!  But again, it all depends on our motivation.  If our motivation is sincerely cherishing love, then our thinking about other’s faults enables us to generate compassion for them instead of disdain.  Once again, it is very important to make a distinction between the person and their delusions.  A person is not their delusions.

 

The reality is this: the world we experience is the world we pay attention to.  If all we do is pay attention to the faults of those around us, we will live in a faulty world.  If all we do is pay attention to the qualities of those around us, we will live in a world full of qualities.  Ultimately, whether something is a fault or something is a quality has nothing to do with the characteristic itself, but instead has everything to do with how we mentally relate to that appearance.  If our wish is to not be bothered, then other’s delusions appear to us as a problem.  If instead our wish is to grow as a person, then their delusions are helpful for us.  From our own side, we don’t need them to change because their faulty behavior suits our practice just fine.  For us, it is a beneficial condition in our life.  Of course for their sake, we may wish for them to be free from the apparent fault, but from our side we have no such need.  When people sense this in us, they naturally respect what we have to say and readily take it on board because they know they can trust that we are only looking out for their sake.

 

At a profound level, faulty beings only exist and appear to a faulty mind.  The faulty others we see are nothing more than creations of our own mind.  We need to stop creating such beings, and that begins by stopping even thinking about other’s faults.  The truth is, they have no faults.  Any faults we perceive are coming from our own mind, so it is quite unfair to blame them for our projections.  Instead of seeing others as faulty, we should train in seeing them an emanations of Buddhas.  They may still act in conventionally “faulty” ways, but when we see them as emanations, we will find their “faulty” behavior to be a powerful Dharma teaching.  Seeing others as Buddhas is the most compassionate thing we can do.  It functions to ripen their pure potential – our pure view draws out their Buddha-like qualities.  Just as self-generation practice requires us to first dissolve the self we normally see into the clear light, so too we need to stop thinking about other’s faults before we can see them as emanations.

 

Purify your greatest delusion first. 

 

If we purify our greatest delusion first, we will find it easier to overcome all our others.  With persistent effort we will slowly diminish our delusions until they cease altogether.

 

I have a former student who at the beginning of every year would have a meeting with me where she would decide what delusion she wanted to primarily work on for the coming year.  This became her main project for the year.  The reality is sustained focus brings results, so by focusing on one delusion over an extended period of time we can bring about real change.  If instead, we jump from one delusion to another we will always feel like we are just putting out fires and not radically altering our mind.  This does not mean that we don’t also work on eliminating our other delusions when they arise, but in terms of what we focus on, we focus on whatever is our biggest delusion. When we are clear in purpose, we then look for and find opportunities to work on overcoming that delusion.  When we have a primary objective in mind, we know what we need to focus on in a given situation, therefore our priorities are always clear.  We should pick a delusion, make it specific, make it clear, and then make overcoming it the main focus of our practice.

 

How do we choose what is our greatest delusion?  We should start with the one that creates the most problems for us, or the one that does the greatest harm to those around us.  For example, we can choose our anger.  But we need to make it specific, not abstract.  So we can say our anger and frustration with our family.  We should also pre-plan what are the main opponents we will use to oppose this delusion.  Interestingly, if we plan ahead of time how we intend to overcome certain delusions when they arise, when the time comes, our use of that opponent is much more effective.

 

Generally, whatever we have the most difficulty with in the beginning of our practice will be the most important realizations for us later.  For example, when I first started practicing I was totally in agreement with all the Dharma except this whole faith thing!  To me, faith was for people who didn’t know how to think for themselves.  For me, faith was dangerous because I then opened myself up to be manipulated and betrayed.  I came into the Dharma because I wanted answers – and I was finding real answers – so the whole idea of having faith just made no sense to me.  I continued practicing in this way for many years until during a retreat once I absolutely hit a wall.  I had gone as far as one can go without faith and everything died.  It was as if I had been going 70 miles per hour on the freeway and all a sudden, all four wheels came flying off.  I didn’t know what to do.  So I called my teacher, who in turn just laughed at me.  She said, “you don’t know what to do, do you?”  I said, “no.”  She then asked, “so why are you relying upon yourself then?”  And then it hit me.  I then asked, so what should I do?  She said, “don’t ask me.  Go sit down on your cushion, generate a pure motivation, and ask for guidance.  Then do whatever is revealed to you.”  I then did as I was instructed, nothing came at first, but then a message came to me very clearly:  “I need to start over from scratch.”  I then asked how, and a reply came back, “I will guide you.”  And from there, my entire practice got rebuilt with reliance as the center of my practice.  I would now not have it any other way.  I think when we get in trouble with our practice, it is always a good idea to do as my teacher advised.

The reason why we focus on our biggest delusion first is because it is the most pervasive, and is often the cause of many of our other smaller delusions.  So by attacking the big one, we take out a whole bunch of little ones.  But if we attack the little ones, and not the big one, new little ones will grow back.  Further, the skills we learn in being able to deal with our big delusions enables us to more easily deal with our smaller ones.

 

In the end, delusions are nothing other than bad habits of mind.  There is nothing intrinsic about delusions to our mind.  So with persistence and familiarity, we can reduce and finally eliminate our delusions.  It is useful to recall the story of the man cutting an iron block with a feather.  People thought he was crazy and would never succeed, but he said, “look, I have already made a mark.”

This means we should not point out other’s faults without a good reason.  The criteria for pointing out other’s faults are (1) that our motivation is pure, and (2) we are sure they will benefit from it.  Otherwise, we will only make them upset and angry.

This advice is very important.  Often we think that others “they need to hear the truth,” and so we feel justified in criticizing others.  Of course we should only speak the truth, but the truth alone is not enough.  From amongst what is true, we should only say what is beneficial.  The so called “truth” itself has no independent value.  Besides, what we consider to be truth is in fact our own subjective perspective on things.  Ultimately, if we really want to hear the truth, the reality is any fault we see in somebody else is actually a reflection of the faults in our own mind.  So the truth we need to hear is we are the one’s responsible for all faults we perceive in the world, so it is highly misplaced to blame others for the projections of our own mind.

We think it will help the other person to hear about their faults because then they can change.  But if the other person is not genuinely open to discussing their faults and limitations, then our forcing them to do so just invites defensiveness and conflict.  They don’t change, instead they start to point out our own faults and defend why their faults are actually not faults at all.  Then, of course, they will also blame us for their faults – arguing it is due to our actions that they are acting the way they do.  So even if we are “right,” the only result of our “saying something” is they reject what we have to say, defend their faults as virtue, and wind up blaming others more forcefully for their problems.  How have we helped?  In general, if the other person is not open it is far better to not talk about their faults at all.  All that will do is make people unhappy and create problems. 

This is equally true when talking to people about the faults of others.  Most work environments and most circles of friends are plagued by talking badly about other people.  Quite often, we feel the only way in which people will accept us into their group is if we show them that we agree with their conclusions about how unreasonable and faulty certain other people are.  We may feel like it is OK because we are not talking about the faulty person with the faulty person, so their feelings don’t get hurt.  But when we talk about the faults of some people with others all we are doing is engaging in divisive speech.  We are also kidding ourselves if we think other people don’t know we are talking badly about them.  People are not stupid.  They know and it hurts.  And if they don’t know, then in many respects it is even worse.  How would we feel if we found out everybody who we thought was our friend was in fact secretly talking badly about us behind our backs?  How would we feel if we found out that in fact we were just part of a big joke of others who we thought were our friends?  As Kadampas, we simply don’t play this game.  As a general rule, we should never say anything bad about anybody ever. 

This does not mean we never talk about others’ faults, though.  If we could not ever discuss the faults of living beings, there would be no basis for discussing the Dharma at all.  What then are the conditions under which we can talk about other’s faults?  There are four that I use.  First, our motivation is sincerely pure and compassionate.  We know the difference between somebody who speaks about the faults of others from the perspective of a compassionate wish to help and when they do so with judgment in their hearts and a wish to criticize others as a means of aggrandizing themselves.  It is not enough for ourselves to have a compassionate motivation when speaking, others must realize that this is our motivation.  If they do not, then harm will still follow.  The second condition is we are certain that the other person is open and receptive to what we have to say.  This depends a great deal on whether the other person respects and trusts us.  It fundamentally depends on whether or not the person thinks we have some ulterior, selfish motive for saying something.  The reality is we are bothered by the fact that those around us are so faulty.  We wish it were otherwise.  We wish they were all free from delusions and always acted correctly.  We do not wish this out of compassion wanting what is best for them, rather we wish this because we are so tired of dealing with all their problems and serving as the object of their wrath.  When we try “help people overcome their faults” motivated by a simple aversion to their deluded behavior then they don’t trust us and don’t take our words as compassionate help.  Instead, they are received as a judgment and an attack.  We may be using Dharma words and saying Dharma wisdom, but in reality we are using the Dharma as a weapon to attack and judge others.  This is a terrible misuse of the Dharma.

The third condition necessary before we can talk about other’s faults is we ourselves don’t possess that fault.  It is quite rich to talk about other’s faults when we ourselves possess the same fault.  When we do so, others find us to be a hypocrite and feel we are hardly in a position to judge them.  So they reject what we have to say.  We do not have to be completely free from the fault before we can speak about it in others, but we do have to have the humility to fully and publicly own up to our possessing this fault.  One useful method to talk about other’s faults in a skillful way is to talk about our own faults.  We practice ‘owning other’s faults as our own,’ and then talk about other’s faults in the context of ourselves.  This shows humility and also allows others to hear what they need to hear without them growing defensive.  But we need to be sincere about it, because if we are talking about our own faults, but it comes across as insincere and a trick to talk about their faults, then it won’t work.

The fourth condition is when we speak about faults (of ourself or others) we do so clearly distinguishing between the person and the fault.  When we speak about somebody’s cancer, we don’t discuss it as a fault of the person, rather we discuss it as a sickness of the body.  In the same way, when we speak about somebody’s delusions, we don’t discuss it as a fault of the person, but rather as a sickness of their mind.  Grime on a diamond doesn’t defile the diamond itself.  Storm clouds in the sky aren’t the sky itself.  In the same way delusions cannot defile our mind and are not our mind itself.

The essential point is the only thing we have control over is ourselves, so our focus should be identifying our own faults and getting rid of them.  We should also be extremely gracious and open to others offering us constructive suggestions on how we can do better.  We need to actively seek others input for how we can do a better job, and really want to encourage others to help us see our faults.  In fact, those who criticize us are our best friends.