Sometimes people can feel like they are isolated from sangha. For example, they may live far from a center or be physically incapable of making it very often – or even at all. Sometimes also, people might be able to go to the center all the time, but feel like they are not accepted or don’t fit in, even if everyone there loves and accepts them fully. This can be very painful for people, leading to a good deal of discouragement and despondency.

Many people leave the Dharma for this reason because we have a legitimate need for spiritual companionship and feel it is not being met, so we go looking elsewhere – searching, but perhaps never finding, leading to ever greater depths of despair. Even spiritual people don’t love us, we are truly worthless.

Knowing there are many people like this, we should make a concerted effort to reach out to those who seem to feel alone or isolated. Everybody welcome is not just a center policy, it is the very essence of the Kadampa way of life. We need to help make everybody feel welcome, accepted as they are without judgment, appreciated for their good qualities, and loved unconditionally.

But what should we do if we ourselves feel this way?

I would say this feeling comes from grasping at sangha existing from their own side in one form or another. We think Sangha are external to us somehow and we wait for them to “do something to us” or “for us.”

This can sometimes come across as harsh, like we are blaming people for their own loneliness or isolation. It can even take on a degree of judgment and callousness like it is your own dumb fault you feel that way, thus feeding the feeling like nobody cares. But this is not correct. Recognizing that our feelings of isolation are created by our own mind means by changing our mind, we can solve our problem. We don’t need others to do anything for us to no longer feel isolated from them. We cease being a victim of what they think and do towards us. We realize the solution lies within.

Whether somebody is a friend, enemy, or stranger depends upon the mind with which we engage with others. We can construct people in any number of ways by adopting different minds towards them. How we relate to others often quickly becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, for good or for bad. When we assume somebody is our friend and we relate to them in that way, we tend to be friendly and open and then others respond to us in similar ways. When we assume everybody hates us an is judging us, we relate to them defensively and awkwardly, and they then find us strange or off-putting or somebody to be avoided. We don’t realize that how we view others, the mind with which we engage with them, very much shapes how they view and relate to us.

Sangha are those that inspire us along the path. They encourage us to practice Dharma. We may think, I don’t have anybody in my life like that. Everyone in my life is encouraging me to follow worldly paths and the so-called sangha in my life reject me or don’t make me feel welcome. So what should we do if we find ourselves in such a situation?

Practically, there are some clear things we can do. First, we can make an effort to go to our centers or festivals; or if that is not possible, to try at least stay connected with them on-line. Second, we can accept people as they are, not be disappointed in them that they are not loving and accepting us as much as we would want them to. Third, we can create the karma to have sangha friends by being a good sangha friend ourselves towards others.

More profoundly, we can realize sangha do not exist from their own side. Whether somebody functions for us as sangha depends upon how our mind relates to them. For example, if we see somebody being cruel or deceptive or lazy or whatever, we can view that person as showing us the example of how not to be. Their bad example is teaching us to not be like that and to instead be kind, trustworthy, and hard-working. Because we are relating to them that way, they are encouraging us to practice Dharma, even if that is not remotely their intention. Thus, for us, they are functioning as sangha. Perhaps they are even emanations appearing in this way to teach us these lessons, we don’t know. Actually, as soon as we view them as emanations, they become emanations for us because emanations do not exist from their own side. Nobody is an emanation from their own side, they become one for us through our mind of faith.

More profoundly still, we can cultivate a deep, personal, and very “real” relationship with our supreme sangha, the deities of Dorje Shugden’s vast assembled retinue and the deities of Heruka or Vajrayogini’s body mandala. Even if we never step foot in a Dharma center again, we can be with our supreme sangha every day for the rest of eternity. They are actual beings with minds, not just figments of our imagination who aren’t really there. The only difference between our external sangha friends and our internal sangha friends is whether they are form sources (objects that appear to our sense consciousnesses) or phenomena sources (objects that appear to our mental consciousness). But both are equally beings with whom we can – and should – develop deep, living relationships with.

Like anything else, sangha are created by mind. If we don’t create others as sangha, we will have no sangha in our life. Realizing this, we can let go of thinking we have no sangha in our life or let go of our real or perceived narratives of our sangha not accepting and loving us and start creating our own sangha – both externally and internally – by creating the causes for them to appear in our life. We can use the perceived absence of sangha in our life as a sign from Dorje Shugden encouraging us that now is the time to create such causes.

Then, no problems.