It’s odd how as Kadampas we sometimes (oftentimes?) feel a reluctance to admit we are hurting or deluded, even to Sangha. Strangely, this problem seems to grow worse the more years we are in the Dharma.

I think this comes from three things. First, our pride in wanting to pretend we are this great practitioner, perhaps even for seemingly “good reasons” like we are a teacher or senior practitioner and we want to set a good example.

Second, is attachment to being accepted by Sangha and feeling that if they knew how messed up we still are inside, they will no longer accept us, love us, or look up to us.

And third a collective delusion within the Kadampa community that does not really accept fellow Kadampas who are still deluded, sometimes heavily. There is in part a culture of victim blaming – you’re still suffering or deluded because you are a bad practitioner. We even blame people who take things as victim blaming – saying it is their fault they are taking things this way; which sadly, is a perverse form of gaslighting fellow Sangha as we deflect blame because we can’t admit Kadampa communities or ourselves still have a lot of work to do. Or it comes from a misunderstanding of faith, projecting onto our objects of refuge that they need to be perfect from their own side, and then we lose faith in them when they seem to still be deluded. This destroys our own faith and puts unrealistic pressure on our more senior practitioners.

For the first one, if we have pride, we don’t have refuge, it is as simple as that. We are just pretending to be a practitioner. Kadam Morten once said the best example is the one who shows the journey, not the end result. We need to peacefully accept it is perfectly OK to be where we are at and we grow from there.

For the second, attachment to what Sangha thinks of us or attachment to them accepting and loving us is still attachment and an object to be abandoned. Dharma communities are not social clubs, they should be healing clinics – with doctors, medicine, nurses, and we are all patients – and it is up to us to make them so.

For the third, we need to remember the essence of the Kadampa way of life is a mind of “everybody welcome.” This is not just a rule for who we accept into our centers, but how we position ourselves towards everybody in our life. If we have aversion to being around deluded people, our so-called bodhichitta is nothing but a sick joke. We are suffering because we are still in samsara. Our delusions are our mental sickness, like a broken leg or cancer, not a personal failing. We also need to make sure to not confuse projecting expectations of perfection onto the three jewels with faith. Pure view does not expect the three jewels to appear perfect from their own side, rather it is viewing and relating to the three jewels in a perfect way. Venerable Geshe-la taught that we should view our teachers as Sangha jewels, not Buddha jewels. For ourselves as fellow Sangha, we should view ourselves as loving nurses, not finger-waggers. Gen Tharchin said our primary refuge should be in the Dharma, not the person. If we put our primary refuge in the person, when they do something stupid, we lose everything; but if we put it primarily in the Dharma, when they do something stupid, we learn powerful lessons.

Once again, best to have the mind of a beginner. Best to have an open heart, including towards ourself.