Why do we turn to our delusions? It seems there are two main reasons. First, they seem to be our friends, promising us some benefit if we listen to them; and second, we don’t know who else to turn to that might be better.

Dharma practice largely comes down to finding new inner friends. We don’t need to beat ourselves up for having relied upon the wrong friends. Sometimes the best way to let them go is to thank them for their service, but say we’ve got this from here. Essentially, we don’t need them anymore because we can satisfy the need they used to fill in healthier ways.

At the end of the day, we all wish to be free from inner pain and to feel happy. Our delusions have basically been our different coping mechanisms we have been using. Dharma helps us see how ultimately, they don’t work. But we won’t be willing to let them go until we first come up with something to replace the need they seemed to fill. Otherwise, we will feel like we have to give up some of the protection they seemed to provide. When we’ve got something better, namely the Dharma opponents, we don’t need the delusions anymore. We can thank them for their past service – no point beating ourselves up with guilt, we did the best we could – but we no longer need them because we have new, better tools to meet those same needs.

So yes, as Shantideva says, we do need to be at war with our delusions, but we don’t need to be at war with ourselves. This is a very important distinction.

For example, our attachment to worldly pleasures promises us at least something good in what is otherwise our generally difficult lives. Better to have at least some moments of respite – or changing suffering – than none at all. We work really hard, we deserve some rewards for our labors. It can’t be all grind, grind, grind. Turning to them is a coping mechanism. But it leaves us vulnerable to our happiness being dependent upon external things and they never quite bring the satisfaction we hoped for. They gradually lose their effectiveness in lifting us up and eventually we need more and more to just not feel bad. In this sense, they are no different than addiction to drugs, just to different degrees. So they seem to be fulfilling some need, but not doing a very good job at it – and ultimately, they are causing us even more problems, the not least of which is keeping us going back into samsara again and again. All delusions are deceptive in this way – they promise us something, kinda deliver, but with a hidden cost that leaves us worse off.

Jealousy promises us to get whatever we covet that others have, but usually just drives it further away. Anger promises us protection from harm, but creates enemies who attack and leave us internally miserable. Self-grasping ignorance promises to help us know who we are, but leaves us chasing phantoms. Deluded doubt promises to protect us from believing something that isn’t true, but prevents us from believing anything that could help us. Pride promises self-respect and dignity, but makes us insecure and our sense of self-worth dependent upon what others think or their failure.

The key point is this: Delusions promise to fulfill legitimate needs. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy, fulfilling our wishes, being protected from harm, knowing who we are, following the truth, or having self-respect and dignity. And there is an extent to which delusions kinda work. We have to acknowledge this or we won’t realize why we keep turning to them. But they don’t actually work. They don’t provide any real protection. And they always come with a hidden cost that leaves us worse off – both in this life and in all our future lives. Following delusons is always a Faustian bargain. In short, they are not reliable inner friends.

The various opponents taught in the Dharma are our new inner friends. The Buddhas introduce us to them, explain how we cultivate a friendship with them, and show why they are simply more reliable. We need reliable friends, healthy friends, that bring out the best in us. Such friends do not exist outside of us, but must be grown through our inner efforts. They will never arise on their own, though when we receive blessings we are given a taste of their friendship.

Contentment helps us be happy with what we’ve got. Rejoicing helps us be happy with what others have. Patience helps us accept things as they are. Cherishing others is the source of all our future happiness. Humility makes us stable. Wisdom realizing emptiness makes everything possible. These are more reliable inner friends. They actually meet our legitimate inner needs, but without the hidden costs.

When our delusions arise and we are tempted to believe them, what is actually happening is we have some legitimate need which is going unfulfilled, but we just don’t know any better method for fulfilling it, so we say, “f*ck it, let’s go.” Then we go down the wrong roads, it kinda works at first, but then we pay the price. Happens every time. We can’t blame ourselves for this process, we simply didn’t know any better. But now we do. We have been shown how these strategies – these mistaken coping mechanisms – just don’t work. We have also been given different, more effective coping mechanisms for meeting the same needs, namely the opponents.

So when our deluded tendencies arise in our mind, instead of developing guilt and quickly repressing them down since we are a Dharma practitioner and know we shouldn’t have delusions, take the time to ask yourself, “what legitimate need is this delusion trying to fulfill? Will it work? What could meet this need better?” When we ask ourselves these questions, we will know what to do. We will be able to tell our delusions, “thanks, but no thanks. I’m going to do this instead.” We won’t feel tempted to follow them and it won’t be a struggle to not. We don’t need to deny the legitimate need they represent, we just need to employ healthier methods for fulfilling them.

In short, we don’t need to be at war with ourselves. Like with our veterans of past wars, we can thank our delusions for their past service, embrace what they really represent (namely the wish to fulfill some legitimate inner need) into our mind, and begin to build a harmonious inner community among the different parts of our mind. In other words, we cultivate inner peace. Without inner peace, outer peace is impossible.