You don’t need friends, you need to be a friend

You don’t need friends, you need to be a friend.  You don’t need people to love you, you need to love people.  You don’t need others to do things for you, you need to do things for others.  Other people don’t need to like you for you to feel fulfilled, you need to simply like others.  Don’t be upset when others don’t contact you, rather contact them.  Don’t wait for others to come to you, go to them.  Don’t let anything be an obstacle, make it an opportunity to grow.  Don’t want, instead give.  Don’t wait for things to satisfy you, rather bring satisfaction to them.  Don’t expect anything from others, rather be grateful for what you have.  Don’t judge people if they don’t live up to your expectations, rather strive to live up to your own expectations for yourself.  Don’t fish for compliments, rather give them unconditionally.  You don’t need to say anything, you need to listen.  You don’t need others to understand you, you need to understand others.  You don’t need anybody to do anything for you, you need to do things for others.  You don’t need to receive anything from others, you need to offer things to others.  Don’t blame others for your experience of life, take responsibility for it.  Don’t wish you were with somebody else, be delighted to be who you are with.  Don’t judge a situation in terms of what it can do for you, rather look at what you can do in  a situation.  Don’t create problems, resolve them.  Don’t judge, accept.  Don’t focus on what you are doing, focus on why you are doing it.  Don’t expect things to change quickly, just be happy to create causes which take you in the right direction.  Don’t keep going down roads you know lead nowhere, just decide to do the right thing.  Don’t base your sense of self-worth on what others think of you, rather base it on your potential to get better with effort.  Don’t try to change others, change yourself.  Don’t blame others for your problems, blame your delusions.  Don’t wish things were different, realize they are perfect just the way they are.  Don’t waste your time chasing rainbows, spend your times planting seeds.  Don’t get angry when confronted with the truth, realize it is your pathway to freedom.  Don’t waste the days you are given, make the most of them.  Don’t expect yourself to already be perfect, rather joyfully but patiently work on perfecting yourself.  Don’t lament that things are unfair, just treat others fairly.  You don’t need to be anywhere else, you need to be where you are.  You don’t need to be with anybody else, you need to love who you are with.  Don’t take half-measures, deal with things definitively.  Stop making excuses, know you can do it.  Don’t try go it alone, pray for the strength to change.

6 thoughts on “You don’t need friends, you need to be a friend

  1. Cher Ryan,
    Merci des ces magnifiques paroles. j’ai juste envie de les apprendre par coeur et de les chanter sur une mélodie céleste. Puissent ces paroles de sagesse toucher le coeur de tous les êtres vivants

  2. Interesting. As a poet, for me, the flow of a poem is powerful way of emphasizing certain ideas. Also, the way a person talks to their self has a powerful affect on their consciousness.

    Don’t. Don’t. Don’t… is not like a person who needs to lose weight (negative) to get to a happier place in themselves. A lot of parents influence their children’s self vocalization in a similar way. Do not touch the iron it will burn you. Sounds totally acceptable. Stop talking etc – there are alternative ways to communicate a message.

    Consider the following: Do not hate others.

    ‘Do not’ is relative but somewhat negative. ‘Hate others’ is also negative talk. If this were a mantra, the perspective of the conceptual meaning would get blurry and i doubt we would get that actual message.

    Consider the following: Love others as much as you can love others.

    ‘Love others’ is positive. As is ‘you can love others’.

    Be a friend, and real friends will appear. Love others and the love of others will always be yours. Do things for others and your own wishes will be fulfilled. Etc.

    You will see this in the light that it is intended 🙂

    • Sorry James
      Effectivement, en français l’utilisation de phrases négatives induit une pensée également négative. J’ai pensé que ce n’est pas le cas en anglais et que c’est correct. Pour ma part, en français, j’évite de les utiliser.
      Amitiés dans le dharma 🙂

    • I remember when I first put together some study guides for FP/TTP exams, I did like you are saying, only doing the positive side of things. But later I came to realize (for me at least) that our ability to understand anything depends primarily on being able to make distinctions – the pivot points. We need to stop doing X, and we need to start doing Y. It is seeing the juxtaposition of the dos and don’ts that enables us to see more clearly not only what we shouldn’t be doing, but also better understand what we should be doing. Many of the vows are constructed as “Don’ts”. We need clarity of both what is to be abandoned and what is to be practiced, and to see these two side by side in juxtaposition. Only this gives us the sort of shift in mind necessary for wisdom to arise.

  3. Hi Ryan

    It’s Tim from Copenhagen, here. Long time, buddy!

    This is so great! A veritable battery of wisdom. A encouragement to be proactive in the search for happiness. A medicine cabinet to cure negative minds – “Take one of these sentences, depending on what’s bugging you!” says Doctor Ryan.

    OK, Doc. I’m onto it!

    Good to read you again 🙂


  4. Thank you very much Ryan for this post, it´s like poetry that goes directly to heart. This way to express based on dos and don´t has a big impact in my mind

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