If we spend much of our time engaging in senseless conversations out of attachment we incur a secondary downfall.

Earlier I explained that no activity is senseless from its own side, it only becomes senseless when we engage in it with a senseless mind.  The same applies to conversations.  But putting that aside, we can say that a senseless conversation is a conversation about nothing of importance.  There are countless examples of such conversations, but they all come down to a common denominator of the conversations help nobody.  They just fill time. 

It is surprising how many such conversations we have.  If we check our day, it is not uncommon for half or more of our conversations to fall into this category.  Like a bunch of nervous Nellies, we chatter away saying nothing to avoid awkward moments of silence.  Or perhaps our relationship with the other person is so superficial that there is no scope to discuss anything of substance with them. 

Does this mean we should become quiet and reserved and only engage in conversations with others if they want to talk about the Dhama, because after all, only the Dharma really matters!  No, that is an absurd way of thinking.  Because as explained earlier we need karmic relationships with others, we need to engage with others.  There is nothing decreeing our conversations with others have to be devoid of meaning.  It is not difficult to engage in substantive discussions with anybody.  It suffices to take a genuine interest in the person you are talking to and asking them about their life.  Within a few minutes you can be discussing something of value. 

But sometimes, yes, this is not possible.  There are some people who we seem to only cross occasionally in the elevator and the only thing that we can seemingly discuss is, “boy, it sure is cold today” before they get off on their floor.  So be it, it’s better than just ignoring them.  But in general, with minimal effort we can have meaningful conversations with pretty much anybody.

 

Downfalls that obstruct the perfection of effort

Gathering a circle of followers out of desire for profit or respect. 

If, for selfish reasons, we try to gather followers we incur a secondary downfall.  This includes doing so on social media.

This is actually a very difficult vow for us.  On the one hand, it implies that we are supposed to gather a circle of followers.  This makes sense because we are trying to attain enlightenment so that we can lead others to the same state.  But to actively seek to gather a circle of followers seems to us like proselytizing and unbelievably arrogant, so we don’t quite know how to generate the wish to gather a circle of followers without it seeming weird and deluded.  It is obviously incredibly unskillful to get on top of our soapbox and try gather people up.  So how can we understand this desire?

Perhaps some examples can help us get a feel for this.  If we bake some really good chocolate chip cookies, we naturally want to share them with our kids because they are so good.  We are happy to share them with others.  When we discover some new way of doing things that really works and we see others struggling with the same problem, we naturally want to share with them our strategy so that it is easier for them.  When we succeed in accomplishing something and we see others trying to do the same, we are happy to share our experience with them to help them along.  It is the same with the Dharma.  All these examples contain two key ingredients:  (1) an appreciation of the value of what we have, and (2) others who from their own side already want but don’t have what we have to share.  If we don’t ourselves appreciate the value of what we have and others don’t want what we have, then it is inappropriate to try gather people to share it.  But if we do have such an appreciation and others do want what we have, then it is entirely natural to want to share it with them. 

So how do we actually gather such a circle?  Obviously, if we belong to a Dharma center, regardless of whether or not we are the teacher of that center, we naturally want the center to grow and for more and more students to come to the center.  There is nothing wrong with this.  When we have something special, we naturally want to share it with others.  If we see the value of what the center has to offer ourselves, then we will naturally want others to also benefit from it.  So we will do things like help with publicity or we will tell some of our friends or relatives about the center if we think they might be open to it. But the best thing we can do is create a loving, open, fun, and accepting atmosphere at the center.  If the culture of the center is like this, then people will naturally, from their own side, want to stay.  So we really don’t need to do anything other than actually practice what we have been taught with the other people at the center.  When new people come, we don’t jump on them and try convert them, we just be friendly and open and let them discover things.  It is often better to offer them tea and cookies than Dharma advice.  We wait for them to ask questions before we start giving them answers. 

Outside of a Dharma center, we can recall the story of Venerable Tharchin I mentioned in a previous post, where Geshe-la said if he didn’t come out of retreat he would be a worthless Buddha because he didn’t have karmic relationships with living beings.  Our ability to help anybody depends upon our karmic relationship with them.  From a practical level this is obvious, if you don’t have any connection with somebody how can you help them.  Also, we see every day that we are able to more easily help those we are close to than those we hardly know or interact with. 

At a deeper, unseen level, the only way we can actually help people is through them receiving blessings of the Buddhas.  Geshe-la explains that living beings are basically incapable of generating a virtuous mind on their own.  Due to our past of having spent virtually all our previous lives in the lower realms engaging only in negativity, the overwhelming gradient in our mind is towards the negative.  We see this every day.  It is much easier to get angry at somebody than it is to do something nice to them without expecting anything in return.  This is where Buddha’s blessings come in.  Buddhas have the power to activate positive karmic potentialities on the minds of living beings.  They can find that needle in a haystack of negative tendencies and ripen it.  Once it ripens, we then are far more likely to engage in virtuous actions, which plants more positive seeds, which can then be ripened as well, gradually building up karmic momentum like a spiritual locomotive until eventually it becomes more natural for us to engage in virtue and it actually becomes hard to engage in negativity. 

We may ask, if Buddhas have the power to start such virtuous karmic cycles in the minds of living beings, why aren’t they doing it to everyone every day.  The short answer is they are doing the best they can, but from our own side we haven’t created the causes and conditions for them to do so.  It may be bright and sunny outside, but if all our windows are sealed shut, very little light can creep into our room. And this is where our karmic connections with living beings come in. 

Karmic connections are like invisible karmic fiber optic cables through which the light of the Buddha’s blessings can pass.  Because we are practitioners, we are actively trying to open up our windows to the light.  So light is flowing into us.  Then, through the karmic connections we create with others, this light can then flow out to others.  The more karmic connections we have with others, the more bandwidth our cables have, and the more light of blessings flow through.  It is for this reason that Venerable Tharchin said, “for every step we take towards enlightenment, we bring all living beings with us in proportion to the karmic connection we have with them.” 

Interestingly, apparently bad karmic connections with others are better than no karmic connections at all.  There are two stories which illustrate this point.  The first is (if I recall the story correctly, perhaps some scholar can help me get the story right), Buddhas first five disciples were actually beings in the past who had engaged in some serious negativity towards a previous incarnation of Buddha.  There is another story of a yogi who really wanted to help some local farmer, but the yogi and the farmer had no connection at all.  No matter what the yogi tried, nothing worked.  So the yogi came up with an idea – he went into the farmers field and smashed all his crops.  That got the farmer’s attention, and he came out saying he would kill the yogi who was running off gleefully.  The yogi knew that now, once the negative karma between him and the farmer had exhausted itself the yogi would have a close karmic connection through which he could help.  This doesn’t mean we should go around and intentionally destroy people’s work to create karma with them, but it does illustrate the power and importance of karmic connections.

Regardless of whether or not we are currently a teacher, we are all aspiring Bodhisattvas.  As such, we need a vast web of karmic relationships with as many beings as possible.  It is through this web of karmic relationships that we will eventually be able to lead everyone to enlightenment.  How do we build such karmic relationships?  By cherishing others, serving them, helping them and caring for them in every way possible.  We can also pray for others.  No matter what is happening, we can always pray for others.  Even when we ourselves are sick in the hospital dying, nothing can stop us from praying for others.

If we do not make a special effort to practice patience when we find ourselves getting angry, we incur a secondary downfall.

Anger will never go away on its own.  If we don’t get rid of our anger, it will destroy us.  Our anger ruins everything that is good in our life.  We may love our children very much, but because we get angry at them and fail to apologize for it, they harbor resentment against us and eventually come to reject everything we have to say and rebel against everything we stand for.  Later, when they have kids, they don’t want us to be part of their life and we are denied the opportunity to see our grandkids.  They blame us for all that is wrong in their life and despite all we have done for them, they want nothing to do with us.  This is not uncommon at all, and it is incredibly painful.  If we want to avoid this being our own story, we must bring our anger under control. 

Every time we get angry we not only hurt those we love, we also create the causes to go to hell.  This is a karmic truth, no matter how much we wish it was otherwise.  Is it worth it?  Is it worth it to destroy our relationships with those we love only to wind up in hell later for it?  This is no game, this is a fact.  Sometimes when we are forced to confront this karmic truth, it makes us feel guilty and we start to beat ourselves up over it.  But guilt too is a form of anger – anger against ourselves.  Or we start to freak out about how we are getting angry and can’t stop ourselves, and we get all tight and neurotic.  This doesn’t help either.  So then we think it is better for us to ignore this karmic fact and not think about it.  But that is just burying our head in the sand, and when the end of this life comes there will be no sand left to hide in.  We must work through these things and channel the emotions the karmic truth of this creates in us to productive purposes.

The first thing we need to do is apologize as soon as we can.  The longer we wait to apologize, the more time the karma has to take root within our mind.  In particular, we should never go to sleep before we have apologized.  Venerable Tharchin explains that falling asleep functions to plant the negative karma deeper within our mind and so makes it harder to uproot.  But if we apologize before we go to bed, then we can hopefully clean up the negative karma before it takes root. 

Second, we need to stop anger in its early stages of development.  The earliest stage of anger is inappropriate attention – we focus on the bad and then we exaggerate it.  Instead, we need to choose to focus on the good and we need to become an expert at saying “it doesn’t matter” for the bad. 

Third, we need to surrender our lives to Dorje Shugden.  We get angry because we wish things were different than they are.  When we rely on Dorje Shugden, he arranges all the outer and inner conditions so that they are perfect for our practice.  Perfect here doesn’t mean perfect for our worldly concerns – in other words it doesn’t mean they will be what our delusions want – rather, perfect here means perfect for our spiritual training.  If what we want is to grow spiritually, then the fact that things are so bad from a worldly perspective will be experienced as being a good thing from a spiritual perspective.  We will be happy things are so bad because we see how beneficial that is for our spiritual growth.  If things are “perfect” there is no basis for us wishing things were different than they are, and so therefore there will be no basis for ever getting angry.  I literally overcome about 95% of my own anger in this way.

Fourth, we can channel these feelings into a wish to purify.  If we made a big mess in our house, obviously we need to clean it up.  We live there, after all.  In the same way, if we made a big karmic mess in our mind, then we need to clean it up.  We can never escape residing within our own mind.  We can think, “if I don’t purify, disaster awaits me.  If I want to avoid that, I need to purify now.”  One of the most common obstacles to generating a strong wish to purify is we struggle to think of what negative actions we have committed that are so bad.  But every time we see somebody else commit some negative action, we can view that person as a mirror reflecting back to us what we have done to others in the past.  We are, from a karmic perspective, actually looking at our own past deeds.  This is true regardless of whether the other person is committing the negative action against us.  If we dream of somebody harming somebody else, where did these appearances come from?  Our own karma.  It is the same with the waking world.

Not apologizing when we have the opportunity. 

If we have disturbed another person by acting unskillfully, and later the opportunity to apologize arises but, out of pride or laziness, we fail to do so we incur a secondary downfall.

Just as others harm us all the time, we too harm others all the time with our unskillful actions.  Normally we internally excuse our wrong behavior on the grounds of the other person provoking us in some way, “it’s their fault!”  But nobody has the power to provoke us, we allow ourselves to be provoked.  Ultimately, we need to be responsible for all our behavior, regardless of what others do.  This is not easy, but its not being easy doesn’t make it the wrong thing to do. 

When we do harm others, such as saying something hurtful, then later, once we have calmed down, we need to make a point of apologizing.  I know a mother who has a bad habit of getting angry at her kid.  She is a very powerful and smart woman, and when she gets angry she can be downright nasty, controlling and hurtful.  But she also has an unshakable habit of always apologizing to her kid afterwards when she eventually calms down.  She tells her kid, “I’m sorry I got angry at you and treated you in that way.  Mommy’s anger just took over, and I am sorry.  When I get like that, I want you to know it is not your fault that I get so angry, it is my responsibility.  Just ignore me and know that it is my anger talking not me.”  Then she has a good laugh with her kid about how crazy she sometimes acts.  Because she has consistently done this, her son has learned how to take her mother’s anger in stride where it doesn’t affect him.  He knows she will later come apologize.  This doesn’t mean that he might not need to change his behavior if he has been doing something wrong, but it does prevent the anger from destroying the relationship and making things worse.  This mother’s habit of apologizing and having a good laugh not only disarms the harmful effects of her anger, it also teaches her kid how to relate to his own feelings of anger and what he should do when he himself gets upset. 

Until we are an advanced bodhisattva, getting angry is pretty much unavoidable.  But apologizing afterwards is completely within our control.

One last thing, sometimes we hold off on giving our apology because actually it was the other person who started it and clearly they are the one who committed the bigger harm, so we think surely they must apologize first.  This is a completely mistaken way of thinking.  First, if they don’t apologize then we start getting upset at them about not apologizing when we think they should.  Second, just because they did something wrong doesn’t in any way excuse or justify our own mistakes.  We need to own up to our mistakes and take responsibility for them.  Third, when we apologize it often creates the space for the other person to apologize as well.  And even if they don’t apologize in return (which of course will have the potential to really make us angry again), we can at least know we did the right thing by apologizing.  If the other person doesn’t apologize as well, that is their mistake.  But at least from our own side we have done the right thing.

Not accepting others’ apologies. 

If someone who has previously harmed us later apologies and, without a good reason but not out of resentment (which is a root downfall) we refuse to accept, we incur a secondary downfall.

Very often if we were in a fight with somebody and they later apologize but we haven’t yet overcome our own anger towards them, we will take advantage of their apology as a sign of weakness and then we attack them one last time.  When we do this, they then get angry back and the cycle can start over, or at a minimum they decide they better not apologize again in the future because when they do so they get their hand bit off.  This is obviously completely wrong.

When somebody apologizes, that is them admitting they were wrong and they are seeking to make things right again.  Why would we not want to cooperate with that?  As bodhisattvas, we want others to attain enlightenment.  If they generate regret for their negativity and try to do something nice to set things straight, we should be delighted and welcome fully their effort, even if they make a hash out of it.  From our own side, we should repay their apology with one of our own, and we should try have a good laugh with them about how sometimes we act silly.  Our accepting their apology is also a very powerful way of letting go of our own pent up resentment towards the other person.  Resentment is like a cancer within our mind.

The difference between a worldly person and a spiritual person is which life they are working for.  Worldly people work to enjoy good effects in this life.  Spiritual people use this life to create good causes for their future lives.  The road of our future lives is endless and it is guaranteed.  The road of this life is indefinite, and it could end at any time.  It doesn’t matter at all what happens in this life, any more than it matters what happened in last night’s dream. We are so obsessed with what we are “feeling.”  Who cares what we are feeling?  What difference does it really make?  It is only because we think we are important that we think what we feel is important.  But the self we think we are doesn’t even exist, so how could its happiness possibly be important?  And even if it was important, what is more important this one fleeting life or our countless future lives?  There comes a time in our normal life where we work hard now to have things easier in the future.  We voluntarily endure the sufferings of university so that we can get a good job and have a better life thereafter.  We happily work hard and save up our money to go on a special trip.  This involves sacrifice in the short run, which we gladly accept because we know the rewards are greater on the other side.  Such is the optic of the spiritual practitioner.

We cannot blame others for being so inconsiderate and harmful to us.  It is not their fault.  They don’t even exist, they are just karmic echoes of our own past harmful and selfish behavior.  We have nobody to blame but our past delusions which drove us to negativity.  If we did not have the karma on our mind to be harmed, nobody would even appear to harm us.  Our negative karma propels them to harm us.  When they do so, they create negative karma for themselves and they will suffer in the future.  From our side, if we accept the suffering, we purify our negative karma and so are better off; but from their side they accumulate negative karma and will have to experience similar suffering (or worse) in the future.  So who is better off and who is worse off?  It is we who should be saying sorry to them. 

This does not mean we should allow others to abuse us and take advantage of us.  There is a middle way between being a doormat and being a raging lunatic.  We do not help people by allowing them to abuse us, so we must break the cycle.  But we also don’t help them by retaliating, which just causes the cycle of mutual harm to continue.  Ghandi showed the middle way.  We accept the harm, but we refuse to cooperate with its wrong purpose.  We accept the harm as purification, but we don’t reward it by giving people what they want.  Blackmail only works when we give in.  If we refuse to give in, even if people throw everything they have at us, then we break the cycle.  We accept the harm in the short run to be free from it in the long run.  If people blackmail us and we don’t give in, they may try to blackmail us again in the future, but both they and we will know it won’t succeed.  We have stared them down once before, and we can do so again.  Eventually they give up trying.  This helps them and it helps us.

Of course, if we can avoid others harming us we should do so.  There are enough instances of people harming us where we cannot avoid it that we don’t need to needlessly expose ourselves to harm that is avoidable.  Sometimes not cooperating with others delusions means ending that particular relationship.  We do not stick around with others abusing us if we can leave.  But for the harm we cannot avoid, or for the harm that is too insignificant to warrant ending the relationship over, we accept it and refuse to cooperate with it.  We shouldn’t go to extremes with this.  In general, we should go along with others wishes as long as they are not harmful.  We don’t expect others to be perfect and always completely free from harm.  We need to accept others’ mistakes and give people the space to change.  But on important things, we need to fearlessly say no and not give in.

 

Downfalls that obstruct the perfection of patience

Retaliating to harm or abuse. 

If out of impatience we retaliate to harm or abuse we incur a secondary downfall.

We are harmed or abused by others all the time.  This shouldn’t come as a surprise.  We have spent countless aeons in the lower realms where we ourselves harmed and abused others as a way of life.  Even in this life, despite having received Dharma teachings, we continue to lash out at people when they have done basically nothing wrong.  So it is only natural that now we experience the karmic echoes of our past actions.

People criticize us all the time.  People put us down, directly or indirectly, all the time.  People snap at us all the time.  People blame us for whatever ails them all the time.  People get mad at us for no reason all the time.  When we make the slightest mistake, people respond disproportionately against us all the time.  Our bosses or coworkers blame us for things we are not responsible for, and they take credit for our accomplishments.  People cut us off on the road or cut in front of us in line.  People ask us to do their work for them, and then they get mad at us when we don’t do it as they wanted.  We can do everything we can to make others happy, but they still get upset at us, judge us and are never grateful for what we do.  We give to others, and they take.  When we ask for something in return they say no or make a problem.  People take advantage of our kindness and then forget us on our birthdays.  We make a point of investing in them, but they don’t really care what is happening in our life.  When something important happens in our life, they fail to notice or care.  Our political leaders play games and make the world’s problems even worse.  No matter how much work we do for others, they never give us a break.  They take, take take without end and give almost nothing in return.  When we become tired or frustrated they get mad at us for not being in a good mood.  Our business leaders drive the global economy into ruin for the sake of their own personal enrichment.  Companies pollute the earth, shortening lives, destroying the environment for future generations, all to make a little extra money for themselves.  People suffer from homelessness, hunger, and crime, but nobody lifts a finger and indeed they blame the victims for being lazy.  In short, we live in a world with countless causes for frustration.  It is a small wonder that we are not in a perpetual war of all against all.

If we allow these myriad causes of frustration to get to us, it is very easy to begin lashing out at those around us.  Sometimes we rationalize it thinking we need to get angry to deter people from taking advantage of or harming us, but usually it is just our frustration that boils over.  Because we are Dharma practitioners, we know we are not supposed to get angry, so outwardly we pretend to be calm, but internally we are just repressing our frustration until it eventually blows up in some dramatic fashion.  We develop deep resentment for those who put us down again and again and again, and sometimes we can no longer keep it in and we lash out.  This is the nature of samsaric life.  When we do lash out, it invariably makes things worse.  We then either “double down” on our anger and get mad again, or we start repressing again waiting for the next volcanic eruption to occur. 

How do we stop this hellish cycle?  We need to stop it at its root.  Once anger has started, it is very difficult to rein back in.  But we cannot repress our anger, because doing so just guarantees one day it will explode.  The root of anger is wishing things were different than they are.  We wish those around us weren’t so difficult.  We wish life wasn’t so difficult.  We wish we could just have a moment to take a rest.  But the tighter we grasp onto things needing to go well, the more painful it is when they do not.  Samsara is wave after wave of aggravating circumstances.  This is its very nature.  This will never change.

The root of the problem is we want the wrong things.  We want what our eight worldly concerns want (pleasant experiences, happiness, a good reputation, praise, etc.).  In short, we want to experience good effects.  This is the root of our problem.  Instead, we need to want to create good causes.  Bad effects now are the karmic echoes of our past bad causes.  Good causes now are the karmic seeds of future good effects.  We cannot take with us into our future lives the good effects we experience now, but we can take with us the good karmic causes we create for ourselves.  They are our real inner wealth.  The inner wealth of good causes is to bodhisattvas what money is to business people or power is to politicians. 

Not avoiding a bad reputation. 

If we unnecessarily engage in actions that cause us to receive criticism or a bad reputation we incur a secondary downfall.  However, if our actions benefit others, cause the Dharma to flourish, or are necessary to preserve our moral discipline, it does not matter if a few people criticize us.

I would say in modern times our biggest attachment that creates the most problems for us is attachment to what others think about us.  First our parents, then our friends, then society, then our kids, etc.  We need to break completely free from this and make our own decisions about what is the right thing to do, and if other people have a problem with it, then frankly it is their problem, not ours.  We shouldn’t let their misunderstanding of what is best for us prevent us from doing what is in fact best for us (and them) in the long-run.  Buddha showed this example when he left his father’s palace.  This was not his father’s first choice, but because Buddha’s motivation was pure and his father eventually came to see this, he agreed to let his son go even though he didn’t necessarily want to. 

But we also need to be careful to not go to the other extreme with this.  In general, we should go along with others’ wishes for us unless doing so is somehow harmful.  We should try be of service to whoever we meet and do whatever is the most beneficial for others.  We should not unnecessarily antagonize others with our actions nor should we abandon our conventional responsibilities.  Unless the situation is extreme and we have received very clear indications, we should not abandon our partner or our children thinking we need to do so to pursue our spiritual goals.  We also need to assume our full parental and professional responsibilities.  If we don’t do so in the name of supposedly following our spiritual path, we run a real risk of bringing the Dharma into disrepute and causing others to reject it.  Who does that help?  There is no contradiction whatsoever between living up to our normal modern responsibilities in the world and being a Kadampa.  If there were, it would be impossible to attain the union of the Kadam Dharma and modern life.  As explained by Geshe Chekewa, “remain natural while changing your aspiration.”  We live our external lives completely as normal, but inside we change everything.

Not helping others to avoid negativity. 

If we have the ability and the opportunity to help others avoid committing negative actions but, without a good reason, fail to do so we incur a secondary downfall.

As a general rule, we shouldn’t get into other people’s business or tell others what they need to do.  Our job is to make our own actions correct.  The more we try tell others what they need to do, the more they will rebel against us and the Dharma which they know is behind our proselytizing.  There is nothing wrong with sharing our own experience if people are open to hearing it, but we should leave it up to them to apply our experience to their own circumstance.  This is why quite often when you ask a Kadampa teacher some question about what you should do they won’t answer you directly but they will instead tell some story from their own experience (or that of their friends).  They leave it up to you to apply the story to your own life and situation as you see fit.

With that being said, situations do arise where we have some degree of influence over others and they are about to engage in some negative action and if we say something we could stop them (or at least get them to think twice).  When such situations arise, we should not just sit on the sidelines, we need to act.  Basically, if we can help somebody we need to do so.  Our ability to do so depends entirely on whether the other person trusts us that we have their own best interests at heart.  If they feel like we are just trying to manipulate them for our own purposes, or we are wanting them to stop due to our own attachment to them doing the right thing (attachment to others happiness is quite different than love and compassion), then they will just reject what we have to say.  But if they know we have no hidden agenda and only want what is best for them, and ultimately we don’t need them to make the choice we want them to make, then they will be open to listening to what we have to say.  We never know when somebody we know and love might start doing stupid, self-destructive things, so we need to cultivate trusting relationships with everyone in our life so that if the day does come where we need to intervene, they will listen to us. 

Our intervening doesn’t guarantee that the other person will stop, and we need to be prepared for them to engage in the negative action anyways.  But at the very least we will be able to say we did all that we could, but ultimately the other person’s actions are beyond our control.  When this happens, we can renew our bodhichitta saying may I one day become a Buddha so that I can always be there for this person and gradually lead them along correct paths.

Some people assert that we can attain enlightenment without abandoning samsara or delusions while working for the welfare of sentient beings.  If we hold this view and encourage others to think the same, we incur a secondary downfall.

It is quite a popular misconception in society to think that Bodhisattvas do not strive to escape from samsara, but they instead seek to remain within it so that they can help living beings get out.  The belief is quite similar to the idea of Shepherd-like Bodhichitta, which is the idea of a shepherd who tends to their flock and only once all their flock is safe do they themselves get to safety.  It is like the Captain of the Battalion who is the first man on and the last man off the field of battle.  Such an attitude is sublime, and there are some very profound Highest Yoga Tantra ways of practicing this type of view, but ultimately it is not the most compassionate mind possible and is in fact karmically impossible to accomplish.

It is not the most compassionate mind possible because what happens if the shepherd is killed before all his flock is safe?  For example, it is only once we are in the life boat ourselves that we are in a position to help others get up into the life boat.  If we drown, then all those who are not yet in the boat will drown with us.  The popular misconception is based on a false belief that once we attain liberation or enlightenment we are somehow incapable of coming back to save people.  This is completely wrong.  Once we become a Buddha, we can send countless emanations out into the world of beings to help people along.  From the safety of the pure land, we can help everyone for the rest of time.  But if we remain in samsara ourselves, we are always in danger of being swept away and all the beings who we otherwise would have helped if we had escaped will continue to suffer.  It is not karmically possible to be the last one out because our compassionate mind of cherishing others will swiftly bring us to enlightenment whether we want to attain it or not! 

Understanding that king-like bodhichitta (the wish to attain enlightenment first so that we can rescue all others) is the highest mind, there is a danger, however, that our self-cherishing can hijack this Dharma fact and use an internally insincere application of king-like bodhichitta as the rationalization for our self-cherishing of putting ourself first.  We should never underestimate the ability of our delusions to hijack our Dharma understandings for their own deluded purposes. 

So how do we protect ourselves against this danger?  The answer is simple.  We go about our life from the perspective of shepherd like bodhichitta, always putting others first, serving ourselves last, etc.  But when it comes to our formal practice we use king-like bodhichitta.  For example, when we engage in our formal practice or go on retreat, we are, from an external point of view, not helping other people.  We could be using that same time to help other people, and it can seem selfish to go off to meditate or to go on retreat.  This is particularly a problem for parents, especially when the partner in the relationship is not also a practitioner.  But if we spend all our time out “helping people” and we don’t create any time for our formal practice, then our ability to actually transform our mind will remain quite limited.  The reality is sometimes we can transform our mind at a deeper level when we are in meditation than when we are out engaging in activities.  The more deeply we meditate, the more deeply we reprogram our mind, which then filters up into all our other activities.  So even if it creates some tension with our family or partner, we should make a point of taking the time to engage in our daily practice and to engage in retreat, and we should ask our partner to respect that this is the only thing we ask for in our relationship and we would like their support for this.  They may be unhappy about this at first, but if they see that over time after you do your formal practice or after you go on retreat you come back more loving, more patient, more kind, and more serving, then eventually your daily practice and your going on retreat will become a priority for them.  Then, there are no problems and everything gets easier.

Acquiring wealth or fame through wrong livelihood. 

Geshe-la explains if with a selfish motivation we behave as follows we incur a secondary downfall:  (1) we resort to dishonest means to acquire wealth, praise, respect, etc., (2) we pretend to be outwardly good, but subtlety hint that we need others possessions for ourself, or (3) we give small presents in the hope of receiving larger presents in return.

It was explained earlier how there is nothing wrong with wealth, power, or fame.  In and of themselves, these things are neutral.  It is our motivation for using them that determines their value.  Backed by a good motivation, these things can in fact be quite positive.  It is possible that we could have the opportunity to acquire these things and our motivation for wanting to do so is pure and virtuous, but we would need to engage in some negative actions in order to acquire these things and we could find ourselves in a moral dilemma.  Basically, do our virtuous ends justify our non-virtuous means? This vow answers that moral dilemma.  The answer is no, they don’t.  Even if our motivation for acquiring these things is pure, if we have to use non-virtuous means we shouldn’t do it.  It is better to lack these resources but maintain our moral discipline than it is to have these resources but sacrifice our moral discipline in the process. 

The concrete examples of the different ways we can do this are too numerous to enumerate.  It suffices to look at Geshe-la’s explanation above of the three types of instance where we incur a downfall and test it against our own contemplated action to know if we are making this mistake.  One very simple test we can apply is we can ask ourselves, “If Geshe-la asked me how I got these resources, power, or reputation, could I explain it to him without feeling like I had done something wrong?”  If no, then we have our answer.

Indulging in frivolity. 

If, without a good reason but motivated only by excitement, attachment, or lack of conscientiousness, we indulge in frivolous activities we incur a secondary downfall.

Again, no activity is from its own side inherently frivolous.  An activity is frivolous only if we engage in it with a frivolous mind.  Any activity can be made meaningful if we engage in it with a meaningful mind.  But let’s be honest here:  we quite often have frivolous minds!  Just because in theory the activity can be engaged in with a meaningful mind doesn’t mean we ourselves are engaging in the activity with a meaningful mind. 

Generally speaking, we can divide our activities into two categories:  those things we have to do and those things that are optional.  Each of these categories can in turn be divided into two of those things we want to do and those things we don’t want to do.  This covers all possibilities.  Let’s explore each one in turn. 

For those things we have to do and we want to do them, there is no problem.  We just do them.  For those things we have to do but we don’t want to do, we can either grumble about the fact that we have to do it or we can change or our attitude.  One way or the other, we still need to do the action; but if we grumble we torture ourselves and if we change our attitude we don’t.  To change our attitude, it suffices to ask ourselves the question, “how does engaging in this action give me a chance to develop some skill or learn some truth of the Dharma?”  Once we have an answer to that question, we have a valid reason for engaging in the action, transforming our not wanting to do the action into wanting to do the action for good reasons.

For those things that are optional and we don’t want to do them, again, there is no problem.  Since we don’t want to do the actions and we don’t have to, we simply don’t do them.  For those things that are optional and we want to do them, there are two possibilities:  either we want to do them for virtuous reasons or we want to do them for deluded reasons.  If it is something we want to do and we have a virtuous reason for doing it, then again there is no problem – we just do the action. 

If however we want to engage in the action for deluded reasons, then there are two possibilities:  our engaging in the action is harmful to others or it is harmful to ourself.  If the action is harmful to others, then we should consider the karmic implications of the action and realize it is simply not worth it to accumulate negative karma which could potentially ripen in the form of a lower rebirth or other suffering, and we train in standard moral discipline of restraint. 

If, however, the action is only harmful to ourself then again there are two possibilities:  it harms us by somehow destroying our capacity to help others or it harms us by wasting our time.  There are all sorts of examples of actions that destroy our capacity to help others.  It is interesting all the different ways we are attracted to things that ultimately are harmful to us.  For these, we should consider how these actions are exactly opposite of our bodhichitta motivation.  Bodhichitta is the wish to increase our capacity to help others, whereas this action is decreasing our capacity to help others, so it runs exactly opposite of our bodhichitta wish.

If the action is simply a waste of time, then again there are two possibilities:  either we can relate to the action in a different way to make it not a waste of time or we can’t.  If we can relate to the action in a different way to make it not a waste of time, then we should apply the effort necessary to do so.  It is not enough to just know theoretically it is possible to relate to the action differently, we need to actually do so.  There are several things we can do to relate to the action differently.  First, we can ask ourselves what delusion this activity gives us a chance to overcome or what truth of Dharma does this activity teach us.  Second, we can offer the enjoyment of the activity to our guru at our heart.  Third, we can relate to the action as a metaphor for something that is meaningful, such as just as I walk down this road, may I always walk down the road to the city of enlightenment.  Fourth, we can recite mantras or special verses while we engage in the action.  And finally, we can just view our engaging in the action as the power of rest.  We are resting now so that we can return to our normal activities fresh and energized.  Without proper rest, we can become burned out and then do even less in the long-run. 

Finally, there is the case of the action is a waste of time and there is no way we can transform it.  Almost anything can be transformed, so this case should happen only very rarely, but if it does, there is still something we can do.  Quite simply, we should probably just abandon the action.  If we can’t at present, we should generate the intention to one day do so understanding we are wasting our precious human life. 

Buddha taught that since Bodhisattva’s have abandoned self-cherishing and are motivated by compassion that all their actions are pure.  If we refuse to believe this we incur a secondary downfall.  This also advises that we should rejoice in all Bodhisattva’s actions because they are motivated solely by compassion and bodhichitta.

As a general rule, people struggle to gain a correct understanding of pure view.  Take for example the actions of the Spiritual Guide or one’s teacher.  When we observe our teacher’s actions there are two possibilities:  either their actions appear to us to be correct or they do not.  If they appear to us to be correct, it is very easy to maintain pure view.  Few problems arise.  If however the teacher’s actions appear to us to be incorrect, then it gets more complicated.  The root of this problem is people grasp at an object as needing to appear as pure on the side of the object, and when it doesn’t confusion arises.  In a situation where, from the point of view of the practitioner, the Spiritual Guide or teacher appears to engage in some mistaken action there are again two possibilities:  either the action is in fact conventionally correct, but the practitioner lacks the wisdom to understand how or why; or the action is conventionally incorrect.

If the action is conventionally correct and the practitioner lacks the wisdom to understand how or why, then Geshe-la advises us to go speak frankly with our teacher.  We explain that it appears to us that the teacher is making a mistake by acting in a particular way, but we are open to the possibility that we may be wrong about the situation.  So we ask to get the teacher’s point of view.  Once the teacher explains to us their point of view and they are right about it, then we just learned something and now we once again no longer have a problem with what they are doing. 

If however after the teacher explains to us their point of view we still think the teacher is wrong, then we need to be very careful.  There is a danger that we start to focus inappropriate attention on the mistake of the teacher, to the point where that becomes the only thing we see.  If this happens, then even when the teacher is engaging in other actions, such as giving flawless teachings, we are incapable of receiving any benefit because all we see is the mistake which crowds out anything else.  If we find ourselves in this trap, then we need to compartmentalize.  In other words, we tell ourselves, “OK, their action still seems to me to be a mistake, but that doesn’t mean all their actions are mistaken.  So I will temporarily set aside this question and focus on everything else which is still good.  Perhaps over time my view will change, and if it doesn’t, I can always once again go speak with my teacher when I have bit more perspective on the matter.”  Gen Tharchin once told me a very good story to illustrate how this works.  He said, “I have been with Venerable Geshe-la now for many many years.  There has not been a single instance where he has made some very big decision or change of direction with the tradition where I did not think he was completely crazy and that he was committing a blunder of cosmic proportions.  Initially, I would fight him and complain – either externally or I would internally grumble.  But then, as time went on, I came to see how what I thought was a blunder was in fact a very shrewd and skillful move.  After going through this experience easily a half dozen times, I started to realize that I probably shouldn’t trust my initial reaction to such things.  So now, when something new arises, I may still think he is making a mistake, but I suspend my judgment to see how things unfold with time.  Again and again, time proves that each of his decisions were quite prescient.  Now, since this has happened to me so many times, when he makes some bold move that I think is wrong, I just assume I am wrong about the whole thing and I eagerly watch to see how things will unfold with time knowing that I will be dazzled in the end.”  In other words, if the teacher’s action is in fact conventionally correct, our compartmentalization while maintaining an open mind will pay off in the long run in the form of deeper wisdom and amazement about our teacher’s skillful means.

Where things can get quite complicated, though, is when our teacher’s actions are in fact conventionally incorrect.  How should we approach situations like this?  Once again, as before, we should approach our teacher in exactly the same way saying that what they are doing is appearing to us to be a mistake, but we are open to the possibility that we might be wrong.  When we approach our teacher in this way, there are then two possibilities to how they might respond.  Either, they say, “you’re right, I was making a mistake.  Thank you for pointing it out to me.  I will try do better next time.”  If this happens, there is no problem.  Our respect for our teacher grows because we see they have integrity and they are showing the example of somebody who admits their mistakes and corrects for them.  If, however, they deny that they are doing something wrong and they get all defensive about it, then we once again need to be very careful.  First, we once again need to compartmentalize and say just because they are wrong about this one thing doesn’t mean they are wrong about everything.  So I can still receive benefit from them for the other things that they are doing correctly and I shouldn’t let this one mistake prevent me from receiving benefit in other contexts.  Second, with respect to the mistake itself, we can say, “conventionally this action they are doing is wrong and I know I am right about it.  So even if they can’t admit their mistake, it is nonetheless teaching me something.  It is teaching me what not to do.  Their defensive attitude is also teaching me what not to do.  So even though they are making a mistake, their mistake is nonetheless providing me with benefit because I am looking at it in a correct way.”  If we reason in this way, we come to realize it doesn’t matter at all whether our teachers are making mistakes or not, because either way we still receive perfect benefit.  Pure view is not found on the side of the object, it is found on the side of our own mind.  Nobody and nothing in samsara will ever appear completely perfect on the side of the object, but it is possible for me to view everything that appears in a perfect way and therefore receive perfect benefit no matter what appears.  This is pure view, and this way of practicing will never deceive us. 

One final instance deserves mentioning.  If the mistake our teacher is making is a particularly egregious one where if it continued it would harm other people or the tradition in some significant way, and we have tried to approach our teacher about it and they are not-responsive to our questioning, then we have a duty to go to whoever is our National Spiritual Director or even to the NKT office if necessary to report what is happening.  Examples where this might apply are sexual scandals, stealing money, the teacher moving in the direction of breaking off from the NKT, etc.  Small things we should just let go of, but big things need to be reported.  Geshe-la is very explicit about this, so much so that several years ago he put forward a new amendment to the NKT internal rules saying that it is the responsibility of practitioners to report things that seem wrong as a means of protecting the tradition.  If there is wrongdoing that does not get corrected, then it can bring the entire tradition into disrepute, thus harming directly or indirectly countless living beings.  Our teacher may be upset about our blowing the whistle, but we can do so with confidence that our action is pure because it is motivated by the compassionate wish to protect the tradition and to protect those who our teacher’s actions are harming. 

If we find ourselves in a situation where we might need to take such a step, we should first discuss it with some of our closest Dharma friends and other teachers whom we trust to see what they think.  Since this is a big step, we need to make sure we are right about it; but if after having checked in our heart and having checked with those we trust it seems like the right thing to do, then we should not hesitate nor should we fear the potential fallout.  There is nothing about being a Kadampa that condones covering things up.  Too much is at stake for that.