Do not misuse Dharma. 

 

Buddha’s main aim in giving Dharma teachings was to lead all living beings to liberation and full enlightenment.  If we use Dharma exclusively for worldly gain this is misusing Dharma.  Even if we can not practice purely now, we should think “I am studying Dharma now so that in the future I can attain liberation and enlightenment.”

It is sadly not at all uncommon for us to misuse the Dharma.  To realize how, we can consider a very simple test:  are we using the Dharma to change ourself or do we try use the Dharma to change others.  If we do the former, we are using Dharma correctly, if we do the latter we are misusing the Dharma. 

There are many different ways we do this.  Teachers or administrators in Dharma centers might use the Dharma to try to manipulate or guilt trip the people in their center to do more work for the center.  The teachers or administrators might rationalize this by saying, “but I want the Dharma to flourish for the sake of all living beings, so there is no fault.”  Such an attitude reveals a lack of understanding of what it means for the Dharma to flourish.  The Dharma is an internal thing.  If people are working very hard for the external developments of temples, publicity, etc., but internally they are doing so to avoid being made to feel bad by their teachers, then there is no Dharma flourishing.  Venerable Tharchin is very clear:  he says the size of a Dharma center is determined exclusively by the collective realizations of those who attend it.  If Dharma realizations of love, patience, wisdom, etc., are flourishing in the minds of the Sangha, that center is flourishing even if externally things are a mess.  If externally everything is growing, but internally there is disharmony, frustration, manipulation and guilt, then that center is dying.  Dharma teachers and center administrators have a strong wish for the center to flourish, but sometimes it is easy for them to wind up using the Dharma to manipulate others into fulfilling their wishes and vision for the center.  This is the exact opposite of a correct attitude.  The correct attitude of a teacher or a center administrator should be “how can I help fulfill the wishes and vision of the Sangha?”  In other words, we are there to serve them, they are not there to serve us.

Another common example of misusing the Dharma is we can’t stand all these deluded people in our lives (such as the members of our family or those at work), and we try change others by forcing the Dharma onto them.  For example, perhaps our partner suffers terribly from anger and we see clearly how if they practiced patience their problem would go away.  Since we are so sick of their anger, we try get them to practice patience so that our problem of having to deal with these deluded people will go away.  We may even get in fights with people and use the Dharma as a weapon to show how everything is actually the other person’s fault and to expose the other person’s faults and weaknesses. 

A pure Kadampa doesn’t feel the slightest need to change others in any way.  The fact that others are a deluded mess suits the Kadampa just fine because such deluded attitudes give the practitioner a chance to train in patience, cherishing others, and skillful means.  Dharma is a mirror with which we can see the faults within our own mind, not a magnifying glass for scrutinizing the faults of others.  The practical reality is this:  the more we try to change others with the Dharma, the more they will reject the Dharma.  Nobody is stupid and nobody likes being manipulated.  When we feel others are trying to change us, we naturally resist them.  So it is precisely because we want others to change (for their sake) that we need to completely let go of any need whatsoever that they change.  When others know we don’t need them to change, then they will trust us that we don’t have some hidden agenda, and they will take on board what we have to say precisely because we leave them free to disregard it if they wish.

On the surface, there may seem a contradiction between our bodhichitta wish to become a Buddha so that we can lead all living beings to the same state and saying a Kadampa has no need whatsoever for others to change, the fact that they are deluded suits the Kadampa just fine.  How can we reconcile this apparent contradiction?  First, the Kadampa has no personal need for other people to change in any way, but others may have a need to change for their own sake.  Second, and more profoundly, since others are nothing more than creations of our own mind, by changing our own mind we will change the beings of our karmically appearing dream.  If we dreamt last night of a highly deluded person, where did they come from?  Who created them?  In the same way, if at work or at home we encounter a highly deluded person, where did they come from, who created them?  By purifying our own mind directly, indirectly we purify all beings.  Instead of trapping all beings in the prison of our samsaric dream, they come to abide within the bliss of our pure land.

Practically speaking, we should only give people advice if they ask for it.  If they are not asking for it, don’t give them any unsolicited advice.  We all easily can see the error in ways of the person who gets up on their soap box outside a train station and yells at all passers-by that they are sinners and will go to hell if they don’t repent.  Yet we do the same thing all the time, just in perhaps more subtle ways.  When somebody does ask us for advice, we generally should just tell stories of experiences we have had and what we learned from them.  Then, we leave the other person free to draw whatever conclusions they wish from the story as to how it might apply to their own life and situation.  It is also generally a good idea to err on the side of not giving enough good advice than giving too much of it.  Sometimes we are so eager to help that as soon as somebody asks us for advice, we then drown them in a tsunami of “our help.”  Kadam Lucy says we should be like a mother bird, who only gives little bits of Dharma to our baby birds so that they don’t choke on it.  Trijang Rinpoche said it is generally better to end a conversation before it is actually finished because this creates the cause to meet again in the future.  Finally, we should be careful to know the capacity of those we are giving advice to.  Even if we are an accomplished Dharma scholar who can give the most sophisticated and profound explanations, it is often times much more beneficial to simply say, “let go.”  As a general rule, the more complex is our advice, the less useful it is.  As with all things, keep it as simple and short as possible.

Do not transfer your own faults and burdens onto others. 

We should not pass on our duties or responsibilities to others or try manipulate them into doing things against their wishes.  We should also not blame others for our faults, but acknowledge them honestly as our own.

Anybody who works with others should make this vow their screen saver on their computer.  Anybody who lives with others should do the same.  In most group endeavors, be it at work or at home, the strategy of most people is to try avoid the most unpleasant tasks and to pass the buck to others when things go badly.  A Kadampa does the exact opposite.

Our attitude should be “give me the worst jobs that everybody else wants to avoid.”  We should be the first to volunteer to assume responsibility for the things that everybody else is trying to get out of.  When something goes wrong, we should be the first to assume responsibility for what went wrong, even if it wasn’t really our fault. And we should do this without the slightest trace of making ourself a martyr, such as doing things with the attitude of “well since nobody else will step up, I’ll take on this task.”  Likewise, we shouldn’t take responsibility for what went wrong with a sardonic attitude that is really saying, “I am not really at fault for this and everybody knows it, but I’ll take the blame just to highlight that everybody else is avoiding it.”  No, we should assume the hard tasks and assume responsibility in a genuine and honest way.

These Kadampa ways run completely counter to our normal way of doing things, and so quite naturally many objections arise.  The main objection that arises is, “if I do this, then everybody will take advantage of me.  I will become everyone’s favorite doormat.”  Here we need to examine “what do we want out of life.”  At the end of the day, the difference between a worldly being and a spiritual being is what they want out of life.  A worldly being seeks to maximize the amount of karmic fruit they can harvest in this life, such as being able to live a life of ease enjoying praise and good fortune.  A spiritual being seeks to maximize the amount of karmic seeds they can plant for our future lives.  The two attitudes are completely different.  If the other people at our work or at home are worldly beings, what they want is to avoid anything hard or unpleasant.  If we are a spiritual being, what we want is to plant good karmic seeds for our future.  So our assuming the hard tasks and assuming responsibility is a win-win for everyone.  They avoid the unpleasant and we create good karmic causes for our future.  Everybody wins!  There is only a tension if we give lip service to being a spiritual being, but in our heart we share the same worldly wishes for a life of ease and praise like the others.

Even at a worldly level, this objection is misplaced. If somebody at work or at home is a genuine “team player” who sincerely puts the interests of the team ahead of themselves, this person is not viewed as a doormat, rather this person is viewed with respect.  Such an attitude, if done correctly and genuinely, can completely change the office or home culture and environment from being one of grumbling and constant complaining to a high morale environment where everybody feels they are contributing to something greater than themselves.  The bodhisattva naturally and without effort becomes a leader and an example with their community.  Without saying a word, they bring out the best in others and inspire others to do better.  People from their own side will see your example, and naturally start to emulate it taking on more responsibility themselves. 

Perhaps there will be some who might take advantage of the fact that you are doing everything, and they may even come to resent you for it.  But that is their problem, not yours.  In fact, we can say that their attitude should make them an object of our compassion.  What good karma will they have in the future?  They will be like the poor animal who stored nothing for the long winter ahead.  Such a person is really there to help you improve your skillful means.  Ultimately, they feel threatened by your attitude because it exposes their wrong attitude.  Instead of making them feel guilty for what they don’t do, try help them feel good about the contributions they do make.  When people feel like their contributions matter, they naturally do more.  If we make people feel bad because they “do nothing,” it is guaranteed, they will do even less in the future.

 

Do not offend others. 

This advises us to not act in ways that offend living beings, for example criticizing them, not complying with their wishes, or reciting wrathful mantras with a harmful intention.

The first task of any bodhisattva is to exchange self with others.  According to Sutra, this means to exchange the object of our cherishing from ourself to others.  The meaning of this is previously we considered our own happiness and welfare to be the most important thing and we worked diligently to try secure it.  But after exchanging ourself with others we then consider the happiness and welfare of others to be the most important thing and we work diligently to try secure it.  Clearly, if we consider the happiness and feelings of others to be important, we won’t do things that offend them.  We currently don’t like it when others offend us.  After we have exchanged self with others, we will similarly not like it when others are offended or harmed in any way.

According to Tantra, to exchange self with others means to change the basis of imputation of our “I” from the body and mind that we normally identify with to “others.”  In other words, when we look at others’ bodies and minds, we think “me.”  When we see them, we think they are ourself.  When we look at ourself, we think “others.”  In essence, we take the mere imputation “me” and impute it on all others, and we take the mere imputation “others” and impute it on what we formerly considered to be ourself.  This is a more powerful way of exchanging self with others, and is explained in detail by Shantideva in Chapter 8 of Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life.  If we have exchanged self with others in this way, offending or harming others will be unthinkable.  We currently praise ourself all the time.  We currently do everything we can to tend to every need and wish of ourself.  When we exchange ourself with others according to Tantra, we will have a similar attitude towards others.  Offending them or harming them becomes impossible.

It is important, however, that we not misunderstand this commitment.  If our engaging in virtue, such as our Dharma practice, somehow offends or bothers others, we should not abandon our practice thinking we need to “fulfill their wishes.”  If their wishes are wrong wishes, such as wishing for us to abandon the path, then we should not go along with such wishes.  On the surface, they may become upset about this, but if we do abandon our practice to satisfy their wrong wish then we facilitate them creating horrible karma for themselves that will ripen in the future in the form of when they wish to enter the path others will emotionally blackmail them to abandon their practice.  If we go along with these wrong wishes of theirs, we are quite literally harming all living beings.  How so?  By our self not following the path, all the people who we otherwise would have helped will now no longer receive that help.  And in particular, we are harming the other person because now the possibility of the other person entering the path in the future will be blocked.  Nobody benefits.

With that being said, we should still try to be skillful.  When I first started practicing Dharma, my in-laws at the time were afraid that I had run off and joined some crazed cult.  They especially worried about this when they read all the venom on the internet related to the Dalai Lama/Dorje Shugden issue.  So they quite understandably created many obstacles to my practice, and indeed to my relationship with my then wife.  I wrote Geshe-la asking him what I should do.  He said, “You need to be skillful with what you show.  Dharma practice is primarily an internal thing.  You should not exaggerate the external.  Surely your future in-laws will not be opposed to internal qualities like kindness, patience, and love.  You need to be skillful.”  In other words, one extreme would be abandoning my practice and another extreme would be to rub it in their faces.  I can continue to do my practice as I wish, but I just don’t need to talk to them about all that I am doing and I don’t need to make too public or external of a display about it.  But internally, I can do as I wish with gusto.  Then, no problems.

Likewise, sometimes those in our life may object to our engaging in virtue.  For example, people may object we are too generous with our money or our time.  People may become jealous of our cherishing of other people, etc.  In the same way, all such wrong wishes of others should be ignored.  We do not help people by allowing them to deter us from engaging in the path. 

 

Do not wait in ambush. 

 We should not look to take revenge on others waiting for the best time to hurt them.

The mind of anger has one wish:  to inflict harm.  Sometimes we justify this harm on the grounds of “getting back” at the other person, other times we justify it as “deterring them” from inflicting harm on you again because they know you will strike back.  But this is completely wrong.  All we really do is guarantee that one day, when the opportunity presents itself, they will take advantage of our weakness and strike back. 

There is another way.  All bullies are the same:  they threaten if you don’t do what I want, then I will do X to you.  Because we don’t want X to happen to us, we go along with what the bully wants.  But this just keeps us forever hostage to their demands.  Instead, we do what is right, and let the pieces fall where they may.  If the other person inflicts some penalty on us for doing what is right, then so be it.  We accept this, but we do not change.  This is actually an act of great compassion.  If we allow others to manipulate us, they create terrible karma for themselves.  If we show that they have no power over us, they will eventually give up trying.  Thus, we protect them from creating such negative karma. 

 Do not retaliate to verbal abuse. 

If someone speaks to us harshly or criticizes us we should never respond with sarcasm or anger.  Sometimes it is justified to respond, but never with anger.  If we do not get angry in return, we can help the other person calm down, but if we get angry in return we just inflame the situation.

In today’s world, it is very rare for people to physically harm us.  From this perspective, we can say that the world we live in is far less hostile and violent than it was in the past.  But we have replaced our physical violence towards others with increased verbal violence towards others.  If we go on-line to non-Kadampa discussion groups, usually what we find is a bunch of people with anonymous names speaking rudely to one another.  We would never talk like this in person with people, but online we get sucked into all sorts of inane verbal battles with people we have never met.  When we are “live” with other people, we will rarely be rude to others directly, but once the person has left our presence we talk behind their back, saying all sorts of disparaging and nasty things.  Since we do this to others, of course others are doing the same towards us.  So we seek our verbal revenge.

Why do people say bad things about us?  Why do people verbally assault us?  The answer is simple:  we did the same to others in the past.  We may be good in this life, but that doesn’t change the fact that we have aeons of karmic nastiness just waiting to ripen.  Everything others do to us is what we did to others in the past.  If we retaliate, we keep the karmic cycle going and it never ends.  If instead, we learn to accept such verbal abuse, we can break the cycle once and for all. 

It is important, however, to make a clear distinction between “not retaliating” and “allowing others to abuse us.”  Sometimes people mistakenly think they should do nothing when others are abusive towards us, viewing it as our opportunity to repay some karmic debt.  Not wanting to get angry, they then allow others to mistreat us.  This is wrong.  We do not help others by allowing them to abuse us because the other person creates terrible karma for themselves for the future.  So of course we should use all the virtuous means at our disposal to prevent others from abusing us.  We just don’t retaliate in kind. 

The most effective way to disarm somebody else’s abuse is to simply sit down with them and try to work through your difference with a constructive attitude.  Apologize if you have wronged them in some way.  Genuinely seek to try understand their point of view and why they find you so objectionable.  Doing so will often reveal things about us we never knew.  Most people attack us out of some feeling of insecurity.  If you take the time to understand the basis for their feelings of insecurity and you address those, then often times their attacks will simply disappear.  Geshe-la famously said at the Toronto Fall Festival, “Love is the real nuclear bomb that destroys all enemies.”  If the other person no longer views you as a threat because you have demonstrated to them you only seek to help, then their anger towards you will be “destroyed” and they will no longer be your enemy.  Sometimes, however, people aren’t interested in resolving their differences with you.  We need to accept this to.  In such a case, the best strategy is usually to say, “when you are ready and willing to work through our differences, my door is always open.”  But until that time arrives, it is generally best to just break off contact and avoid them.  This protects them from creating negative karma towards you.

Do not follow delusions. 

 This means that we should not tolerate our delusions, such as anger, ignorance, and attachment.   We should realize that delusions are our real enemy, and as soon as one emerges to abandon it immediately, and not allow it to fester in our mind.

Geshe-la once explained, the only function of delusions is to deceive us.  This is worth considering deeply.  Something is deceptive if it promises one thing, but in fact delivers the opposite.  If we check carefully, all delusions do exactly this.  Attachment promises us happiness, but leaves us thirsting for more.  Anger promises us vindication, but just creates more conflict.  Ignorance of self-grasping promises us a path to “objective truth” but instead leaves us blind to subjective reality.  Jealousy promises us continued possession of our loved ones, but in the end it drives them away.  Doubt promises to protect us from believing something that is not true, but it actually prevents us from believing anything and thus making any progress along the path impossible.  Self-cherishing promises us the fulfillment of our wishes, but in the end frustrates them all. 

Delusions are, quite simply, the spam of our mind.  All spam has a common function:  to deceive us in some way.  We are promised millions from the Nigerian government official, but find our bank accounts drained after we hand over our banking details. Spam can only harm us if we believe the lies.  No, we didn’t really win some lottery.  If we recognize its deceptive nature, we just delete it from our inbox without giving it another thought.  It is exactly the same with our delusions.  They can only harm us if we believe their deceptive lies.  But if we see directly their deception, then they have no power over us and we ignore them.  The power of delusions in our mind is directly related to how much we believe them.  If we don’t believe them, they may still arise and be present within the inbox of our mind, but they will have no power over us at all. 

Many people “battle their delusions” for years, struggling against them with heroic effort.  Such an approach is not only wrong, it is counter-productive.  When we battle with our delusions, we are implicitly giving them power.  We grasp at them having some validity, but we struggle against these deluded tendencies by trying to believe other things are more important.  An ordained person still wants to have sex, but battles against this saying their ordination is more important.  When we practice in this way, what we really wind up often doing is just repressing our delusions.  When we do this, they grow in power until eventually they overwhelm us. 

We are told to “never accept our delusions.”  We take this to mean we should not tolerate the presence of delusions in our mind even for a second, and when they arise we quickly try to shove them back down beneath the surface.  This is a recipe for guaranteed spiritual disaster.  Kadam Morten says instead we should “accept the existence of delusions in our mind, but not their validity.”  Yes, we are still deluded beings.  Delusions still flare up in our mind, and that is entirely normal.  We need not beat ourselves up over this nor think we are somehow a bad person because of it.  Instead, what we do is when they arise is we “see through their lies.”  Our focus should be on “identifying the deception” of the given delusion.  What is the delusion promising?  How, if I followed the advice of the delusion, would it in fact give me the opposite of what is promised?  If we see this clearly, then we see the delusion for what it is:  a deceptive lie.  When we see the lie, it will be like in the Wizard of Oz after the curtain had been pulled back by Toto – the delusion may still huff and puff, but all its power will have vanished.  We will see through the lies and the delusion will have no power over us.  This enables us to “accept ourself, but be vicious with our delusions.” 

To not follow our delusions does not mean to repress them when they arise, rather it means to see through their lies.  If we do this, we keep this vow.  If we allow ourselves to be deceived, then we do not.

Abandon poisonous food. 

Here poisonous food refers to virtuous actions contaminated with self-grasping and self-cherishing.  This commitment advises us to not perform actions contaminated by these, which we have been doing since beginningless time.

It is very easy for us to misunderstand this vow.  On the surface, it seems to imply that we should not perform virtuous actions if they are mixed with self-cherishing and self-grasping, so we think it is somehow “bad” to do so.  This indicates a very important point in the Dharma:  when it comes to Dharma practice, there is no “bad”, there is only “good” and “even better.”  Engaging in virtuous actions mixed with self-grasping and self-cherishing is “good,” doing so without these contaminations is “even better.”  Just because there is an “even better” does not mean the “good” is somehow bad.  In short, we need to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Unfortunately, this is a mistake we make all the time with our Dharma practice, and many people develop all sorts of “dharma neuroses” because of it.  Let’s say we do the offerings on the shrine at our center, but we do it all wrong.  Is this good or bad?  It is good.  Of course, it is better to do it correctly, but just because there is this “better” doesn’t mean what we did is “bad.”  The same logic applies to all our Dharma practices.  Basically, we currently do everything all “wrong.”  We do nothing correctly.  But that does not mean our practice is “bad” or that we are doing anything wrong.  There are always “even better” ways of doing our practices, but we should never feel bad or guilty because we are not doing things perfectly.  Many people beat themselves up and become very guilty about the imperfections in their Dharma practice.  Some unskillful teachers focus only on what their students are doing wrong as opposed to what they are doing correctly.  This kills all joy in Dharma practice and just makes people anxious and worried about doing things incorrectly.  It is very important that we counter such attitudes and tendencies in our Dharma centers.  Our Dharma centers should be places where we learn to laugh, not become neurotic!

A good example is when it comes to cherishing others.  If we are honest, most of our cherishing of others right now is done with a mixed motivation.  Part of us cherishes others because we genuinely want them to be happy, but there is also part of our mind that cherishes others because we see how this will benefit us!  In other words, our cherishing of others is mixed with self-cherishing.  This is entirely normal and not a problem.  It is “good.”  We don’t not cherish others because we can’t do so with a perfectly selfless motivation.  If we adopted such an attitude, we would never cherish others at all.  Instead, we happily accept where we are at, but we do not remain satisfied with where we are at.  This is a subtle distinction.  We strive to do better and better, to cherish others with increasingly pure motivations, but we nonetheless remain perfectly happy with the fact that we are doing things only partially correctly.  Once again, there is no “bad”, there is only “good” and “even better.”  If we can maintain this attitude, then we will keep joy in our practice.  Without joy, there is no actual effort. 

This advises us to not wish for results from our practice for ourself alone, but we should dedicate all our merit to others.  It also advises us to not use Lojong for worldly goals.

In my experience, the biggest problem of those between year 1 and year 10 of Dharma practice is attachment to results.  This is the number one thing that creates problems for us in our practice.  Generally speaking, those who have been practicing for more than 10 years gave up on expecting results long ago.  They have realized it is a long slog, and each year that goes by they increasingly feel they haven’t really started practicing yet.  This is a good thing – it means we stabilize ourself in the mind of a beginner.

When we have attachment to results, several problems arise.  First, it takes away all the fun of practice.  If we enjoy our practice, results will naturally come, and then we will relish the opportunity to practice more.  If we are attached to results, then our practice is a source of constant frustration when they don’t come.  When we are concerned about results, we start having things like “good meditations” and “bad meditations,” where the former is one where things came easily and the latter is where we struggled the whole time.  When we let go of attachment to results, our assessment of what constitutes a “good meditation” completely reverses.  The one where we struggle is the better meditation because we know we are working through much more in our mind than when things come easily.  This doesn’t mean a formerly “good meditation” where lots of results ripen is a bad thing.  For a pure practitioner, it is equally good as the “bad” meditation, but just for different reasons.  It is not good because of the good results, it is good because with the new insight we can later go on to struggle with something deeper.

Attachment to results creates great tension in our mind as the gap between our intellectual understanding and our actual ability to practice grows.  When we expect results, we can quickly develop a Dharma neurosis where the more we learn about how we “should” be the more frustrated we become with “how we actually are.”  We think just because we know how a Buddha thinks and would respond that we are somehow supposed to already be capable of doing so.  The more we intellectually know, the more we judge our practice as faulty and inadequate and we quickly become frustrated.  But when we let go of attachment to results, the more we intellectually understand the better we get at practicing right where we are at.  We accept where we are at and therefore attend to improving the quality with which we practice. 

With attachment to results, we can easily grow discouraged and lose faith in our practices if results do not come right away.  We have countless aeons worth of bad habits built up in our mind.  It is completely unrealistic to assume just because we have been practicing for a few months, years, or even decades that we should somehow be able to respond in completely different ways.  When we can’t, we conclude the Dharma doesn’t work and we abandon our practice.  A pure practitioner is unconcerned with such things.  Their sole concern is the quality of their effort, not the results they attain.  They know that if the cause is created, the future result is guaranteed, so they worry not about results and instead care only about creating good causes for the future.

The function of attachment is to separate you from whatever you are attached to, so the more we become attached to results, the further we will remove ourself from them.  This is the cruel truth of attachment.  It is because we want to have results that we must completely let go of attachment to them.  When we do let go, then results start falling into our lap naturally.  And if they don’t, it is not a problem because we are focused on creating causes.  In the end, it is very simple:  if you want to experience a result, then you need to create the cause.  So there is no sense in grasping at results, only sense in focusing on creating its cause.

The opponent to all attachment to results is learning to be content to try.  We need to learn to enjoy practicing itself, independent of any results.  Probably the purest practitioner I have ever met was somebody who had spent the last 15 years in a mental hospital.  He had terrible psychotic tendencies which often manifested in psychotic thoughts towards the three jewels and especially towards Geshe-la.  Every day, he would be assailed literally hundreds of times with deeply negative thoughts.  Most people would either kill themselves or drug themselves into a stupor.  But his view was completely different.  He made a distinction between “the ripening of past negative tendencies” and “the new creation of good causes.”  When a psychotic thought arises in his mind, he recognizes it as the ripening of a past tendency.  In and of itself, this thought is only harmful if he assents to it – in other words he believes it to be true.  But if instead he trains in “not believing” and “not assenting” to it, then he is not only not creating new negative karma, he is actually creating incredibly powerful virtue.  It is said that one action of moral discipline of restraint is enough to create the cause for a higher rebirth.  In his view, if he had 50 negative thoughts in an hour, and he practiced not assenting to them 50 times, then he just created for himself the causes for 50 future precious human lives.  Who needs money when you can create karma like this?  For him, the ripening of deluded tendencies was simply an essential condition for him to train his mind.  Far from being discouraged, he thanked his protector for giving him continued opportunities to practice.  He would say, “we are living in increasingly degenerate times.  It will not be long before everybody has a mind like mine.  I have been given this mind now so that I can learn how to practice in the face of such an onslaught.  By learning this now, I will prepare myself to be the most helpful to others when times are at their most degenerate.”  I am not making this up.  This is a real person.  His name was Taro, and he was one of the most amazing practitioners I have ever met.  He was a shining example of what it means to practice without attachment to results.  Regrettably, he died in Summer 2021.

When we practice we should do so for the sake of others.  Our job is to learn how to control our mind so that we can teach others how to do the same thing.  Kadam Lucy once said to Geshe-la that her main job is to cause the Dharma to flourish, and Geshe-la sternly corrected her saying that her main job was to practice Dharma, and our ability to cause the Dharma to flourish flows directly from that.  Any other benefit we receive from our practice is a side effect of our main aim, which is to serve others.  We do receive benefit, but that is not why we are practicing.

Training in Dharma will actually make us more successful in all our activities.  Practically speaking, our productivity is directly proportional to our ability to focus on the task at hand.  Of course we should not use the Dharma for accomplishing worldly success.  Dharma is like internal physics, it is just how things work.  So it is possible to study Dhamra with a worldly motivation and use its science to succeed in our worldly aims.  This is like using hundred dollar bills for toilet paper.  This does not mean, however, that we shouldn’t use Dharma to solve our daily problems.  Of course we should.  The issue here is we learn how to use Dharma to overcome all samsaric problems for the sake of getting ourselves and others out!

Do not think about others’ faults. 

 

This commitment advises us not to dwell on the faults of others.  If we contemplate our own faults we can identify them and overcome them.  This is true wisdom.  Contemplating our own good knowledge and qualities leads to conceit, but contemplating the good qualities of others leads to respect and affection.

 

If we understood the previous commitment, then this naturally follows.  The main point here is Geshe-la takes things one step further.  In the previous commitment we are advised to stop talking about other’s faults, here we are advised to not even think about them!  But again, it all depends on our motivation.  If our motivation is sincerely cherishing love, then our thinking about other’s faults enables us to generate compassion for them instead of disdain.  Once again, it is very important to make a distinction between the person and their delusions.  A person is not their delusions.

 

The reality is this: the world we experience is the world we pay attention to.  If all we do is pay attention to the faults of those around us, we will live in a faulty world.  If all we do is pay attention to the qualities of those around us, we will live in a world full of qualities.  Ultimately, whether something is a fault or something is a quality has nothing to do with the characteristic itself, but instead has everything to do with how we mentally relate to that appearance.  If our wish is to not be bothered, then other’s delusions appear to us as a problem.  If instead our wish is to grow as a person, then their delusions are helpful for us.  From our own side, we don’t need them to change because their faulty behavior suits our practice just fine.  For us, it is a beneficial condition in our life.  Of course for their sake, we may wish for them to be free from the apparent fault, but from our side we have no such need.  When people sense this in us, they naturally respect what we have to say and readily take it on board because they know they can trust that we are only looking out for their sake.

 

At a profound level, faulty beings only exist and appear to a faulty mind.  The faulty others we see are nothing more than creations of our own mind.  We need to stop creating such beings, and that begins by stopping even thinking about other’s faults.  The truth is, they have no faults.  Any faults we perceive are coming from our own mind, so it is quite unfair to blame them for our projections.  Instead of seeing others as faulty, we should train in seeing them an emanations of Buddhas.  They may still act in conventionally “faulty” ways, but when we see them as emanations, we will find their “faulty” behavior to be a powerful Dharma teaching.  Seeing others as Buddhas is the most compassionate thing we can do.  It functions to ripen their pure potential – our pure view draws out their Buddha-like qualities.  Just as self-generation practice requires us to first dissolve the self we normally see into the clear light, so too we need to stop thinking about other’s faults before we can see them as emanations.

 

Purify your greatest delusion first. 

 

If we purify our greatest delusion first, we will find it easier to overcome all our others.  With persistent effort we will slowly diminish our delusions until they cease altogether.

 

I have a former student who at the beginning of every year would have a meeting with me where she would decide what delusion she wanted to primarily work on for the coming year.  This became her main project for the year.  The reality is sustained focus brings results, so by focusing on one delusion over an extended period of time we can bring about real change.  If instead, we jump from one delusion to another we will always feel like we are just putting out fires and not radically altering our mind.  This does not mean that we don’t also work on eliminating our other delusions when they arise, but in terms of what we focus on, we focus on whatever is our biggest delusion. When we are clear in purpose, we then look for and find opportunities to work on overcoming that delusion.  When we have a primary objective in mind, we know what we need to focus on in a given situation, therefore our priorities are always clear.  We should pick a delusion, make it specific, make it clear, and then make overcoming it the main focus of our practice.

 

How do we choose what is our greatest delusion?  We should start with the one that creates the most problems for us, or the one that does the greatest harm to those around us.  For example, we can choose our anger.  But we need to make it specific, not abstract.  So we can say our anger and frustration with our family.  We should also pre-plan what are the main opponents we will use to oppose this delusion.  Interestingly, if we plan ahead of time how we intend to overcome certain delusions when they arise, when the time comes, our use of that opponent is much more effective.

 

Generally, whatever we have the most difficulty with in the beginning of our practice will be the most important realizations for us later.  For example, when I first started practicing I was totally in agreement with all the Dharma except this whole faith thing!  To me, faith was for people who didn’t know how to think for themselves.  For me, faith was dangerous because I then opened myself up to be manipulated and betrayed.  I came into the Dharma because I wanted answers – and I was finding real answers – so the whole idea of having faith just made no sense to me.  I continued practicing in this way for many years until during a retreat once I absolutely hit a wall.  I had gone as far as one can go without faith and everything died.  It was as if I had been going 70 miles per hour on the freeway and all a sudden, all four wheels came flying off.  I didn’t know what to do.  So I called my teacher, who in turn just laughed at me.  She said, “you don’t know what to do, do you?”  I said, “no.”  She then asked, “so why are you relying upon yourself then?”  And then it hit me.  I then asked, so what should I do?  She said, “don’t ask me.  Go sit down on your cushion, generate a pure motivation, and ask for guidance.  Then do whatever is revealed to you.”  I then did as I was instructed, nothing came at first, but then a message came to me very clearly:  “I need to start over from scratch.”  I then asked how, and a reply came back, “I will guide you.”  And from there, my entire practice got rebuilt with reliance as the center of my practice.  I would now not have it any other way.  I think when we get in trouble with our practice, it is always a good idea to do as my teacher advised.

The reason why we focus on our biggest delusion first is because it is the most pervasive, and is often the cause of many of our other smaller delusions.  So by attacking the big one, we take out a whole bunch of little ones.  But if we attack the little ones, and not the big one, new little ones will grow back.  Further, the skills we learn in being able to deal with our big delusions enables us to more easily deal with our smaller ones.

 

In the end, delusions are nothing other than bad habits of mind.  There is nothing intrinsic about delusions to our mind.  So with persistence and familiarity, we can reduce and finally eliminate our delusions.  It is useful to recall the story of the man cutting an iron block with a feather.  People thought he was crazy and would never succeed, but he said, “look, I have already made a mark.”

This means we should not point out other’s faults without a good reason.  The criteria for pointing out other’s faults are (1) that our motivation is pure, and (2) we are sure they will benefit from it.  Otherwise, we will only make them upset and angry.

This advice is very important.  Often we think that others “they need to hear the truth,” and so we feel justified in criticizing others.  Of course we should only speak the truth, but the truth alone is not enough.  From amongst what is true, we should only say what is beneficial.  The so called “truth” itself has no independent value.  Besides, what we consider to be truth is in fact our own subjective perspective on things.  Ultimately, if we really want to hear the truth, the reality is any fault we see in somebody else is actually a reflection of the faults in our own mind.  So the truth we need to hear is we are the one’s responsible for all faults we perceive in the world, so it is highly misplaced to blame others for the projections of our own mind.

We think it will help the other person to hear about their faults because then they can change.  But if the other person is not genuinely open to discussing their faults and limitations, then our forcing them to do so just invites defensiveness and conflict.  They don’t change, instead they start to point out our own faults and defend why their faults are actually not faults at all.  Then, of course, they will also blame us for their faults – arguing it is due to our actions that they are acting the way they do.  So even if we are “right,” the only result of our “saying something” is they reject what we have to say, defend their faults as virtue, and wind up blaming others more forcefully for their problems.  How have we helped?  In general, if the other person is not open it is far better to not talk about their faults at all.  All that will do is make people unhappy and create problems. 

This is equally true when talking to people about the faults of others.  Most work environments and most circles of friends are plagued by talking badly about other people.  Quite often, we feel the only way in which people will accept us into their group is if we show them that we agree with their conclusions about how unreasonable and faulty certain other people are.  We may feel like it is OK because we are not talking about the faulty person with the faulty person, so their feelings don’t get hurt.  But when we talk about the faults of some people with others all we are doing is engaging in divisive speech.  We are also kidding ourselves if we think other people don’t know we are talking badly about them.  People are not stupid.  They know and it hurts.  And if they don’t know, then in many respects it is even worse.  How would we feel if we found out everybody who we thought was our friend was in fact secretly talking badly about us behind our backs?  How would we feel if we found out that in fact we were just part of a big joke of others who we thought were our friends?  As Kadampas, we simply don’t play this game.  As a general rule, we should never say anything bad about anybody ever. 

This does not mean we never talk about others’ faults, though.  If we could not ever discuss the faults of living beings, there would be no basis for discussing the Dharma at all.  What then are the conditions under which we can talk about other’s faults?  There are four that I use.  First, our motivation is sincerely pure and compassionate.  We know the difference between somebody who speaks about the faults of others from the perspective of a compassionate wish to help and when they do so with judgment in their hearts and a wish to criticize others as a means of aggrandizing themselves.  It is not enough for ourselves to have a compassionate motivation when speaking, others must realize that this is our motivation.  If they do not, then harm will still follow.  The second condition is we are certain that the other person is open and receptive to what we have to say.  This depends a great deal on whether the other person respects and trusts us.  It fundamentally depends on whether or not the person thinks we have some ulterior, selfish motive for saying something.  The reality is we are bothered by the fact that those around us are so faulty.  We wish it were otherwise.  We wish they were all free from delusions and always acted correctly.  We do not wish this out of compassion wanting what is best for them, rather we wish this because we are so tired of dealing with all their problems and serving as the object of their wrath.  When we try “help people overcome their faults” motivated by a simple aversion to their deluded behavior then they don’t trust us and don’t take our words as compassionate help.  Instead, they are received as a judgment and an attack.  We may be using Dharma words and saying Dharma wisdom, but in reality we are using the Dharma as a weapon to attack and judge others.  This is a terrible misuse of the Dharma.

The third condition necessary before we can talk about other’s faults is we ourselves don’t possess that fault.  It is quite rich to talk about other’s faults when we ourselves possess the same fault.  When we do so, others find us to be a hypocrite and feel we are hardly in a position to judge them.  So they reject what we have to say.  We do not have to be completely free from the fault before we can speak about it in others, but we do have to have the humility to fully and publicly own up to our possessing this fault.  One useful method to talk about other’s faults in a skillful way is to talk about our own faults.  We practice ‘owning other’s faults as our own,’ and then talk about other’s faults in the context of ourselves.  This shows humility and also allows others to hear what they need to hear without them growing defensive.  But we need to be sincere about it, because if we are talking about our own faults, but it comes across as insincere and a trick to talk about their faults, then it won’t work.

The fourth condition is when we speak about faults (of ourself or others) we do so clearly distinguishing between the person and the fault.  When we speak about somebody’s cancer, we don’t discuss it as a fault of the person, rather we discuss it as a sickness of the body.  In the same way, when we speak about somebody’s delusions, we don’t discuss it as a fault of the person, but rather as a sickness of their mind.  Grime on a diamond doesn’t defile the diamond itself.  Storm clouds in the sky aren’t the sky itself.  In the same way delusions cannot defile our mind and are not our mind itself.

The essential point is the only thing we have control over is ourselves, so our focus should be identifying our own faults and getting rid of them.  We should also be extremely gracious and open to others offering us constructive suggestions on how we can do better.  We need to actively seek others input for how we can do a better job, and really want to encourage others to help us see our faults.  In fact, those who criticize us are our best friends.