I had a dream last night that I couldn’t put together the conditions to engage in my daily practice. I was getting extremely frustrated by this. This is probably something I am going to face once the twins arrive, and I need to think carefully about how to deal with it.
From one perspective, this is the ultimate nightmare scenario. If I am unable to do my daily practice, then I will be unable to maintain a positive mind with respect to all of the challenges I will face on a day to day basis. If I lose my positive mind, then more delusions will arise, which will then activate more negative karma, which will result in even more difficult circumstances, for which I will not have the capacity to respond well nor be able to do my practice to get things sorted out, and I will enter into a vicious spiral. There is no doubt that the most important thing is for me to ‘make time’ to be able to do my practice. This will necessarily imply either less sleep or Claudine supporting me. It places demands on others. But if I don’t do it, then everything else will unravel. So I need to save up my relationship capital to ask for only one thing: the space and time to be able to do my daily practice. This is very very important. Without this, everything is lost.
When I engage in negative actions, I create karmic obstructions which interfere with the ability of Dorje Shugden to provide me with ideal conditions. This is, from an immediate and long-term spiritual perspective, the biggest impact associated with any negative action. If you lose his protection, then all of samsara will come crashing down on you, eventually blocking completely your ability to practice. If you can’t practice, then things are hopeless. Samsara will overwhelm you and you will be swept away. Again, the ultimate nightmare.
At the same time, I need to remove from my mind my ‘attachment’ to being able to do my practice. This is an extremely subtle thing. Our happiness DOES depend on our ability to do our practice. The attachment arises when we grasp at our practice as some external thing. In reality, our practice is something we do with our mind. Ultimately, nothing is an obstacle to our practice – every condition is equally perfect for training our mind. When we grasp at certain conditions as being necessary then we tell ourselves that we cannot train our mind in the circumstances we have. We shut the door on ourselves. The internal conditions for practice is the wisdom that sees how whatever circumstance we have is ideal for our practice. This is why DS is a Wisdom Buddha.
So in the future whenI am confronted with circumstances and obstacles where it is difficult or even impossible to engage in my daily practice, I need to accept the obstacle as the fruit of my negative karma, accept that this is just the situation I am in, but never assent to the ignorance which says I cannot practice training my mind in the face of that circumstance. No matter how hard the situation, I can always generate the intention and effort to try be less deluded. My negativities dropped me into a hole, but not I need to accept where I am at and dig myself out again. Yes, I would wish my conditions are otherwise, but they are not so I need to accept that and build from there.
The key to being able to accept that is to have more faith in Dorje Shugden than faith in the power of my negativities. DS can transform ANY negative condition into something perfect. “All of the attainments I desire arise from merely remembering you.” Implicit within this is remembering him with faith. The sequence of events is as follows:
- I feel like I am facing an obstacle to my practice and am unhappy.
- I remember DS with faith, asking him to give me the wisdom to transform the situation
- I accept the situation is now perfect for my training of my mind.
- This acceptance creates the space for the wisdom blessings of DS to flow into my mind so that I can see how the situation is perfect for my training my mind.
- I then do whatever training of my mind is appropriate given the circumstance.
It will be hard, yes. But whoever said attaining enlightenment was easy! But one thing is certain, we shouldn’t make it harder on ourselves by engaging in negativities! That’s just plain dumb.